body donation

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1

Hi

Although I hope this is ridiculously premature, I’m considering what to do with my body when I die. I don’t have any religious beliefs, so always thought it would be cremation by default, with a humanist person conducting the ‘ceremony’. However, I recently found out that you can donate your body to medical schools for research/students to practise on, and that such bodies are very much appreciated as not many people like the idea of their body not being buried/cremated, yet students do need to learn what a human body looks like. I think that, for me personally, it really doesn’t make a jot of difference, and that if I can be useful in death then that sounds like a really good thing. But I haven’t broached the subject yet with my nearest and dearest, and just wondered what others thought??

Of course if I did donate my body and there was nothing to physical to say goodbye to, I’d have to make sure my loved ones organised a party to send me off instead!!!

Alison x

2

Interesting topic, I hope you have a long and happy life in front of you !
I think it is a great idea,am sure someone on another thread had a relative that did this. I am not religeous either and would opt for a humanist funeral with ashes buried at a green site cemetery.
However, I did ask my daughters about this even though they are only 13 and 11(we talk about all sorts), the youngest thought that it would be nice to put something back and help the medical profession but the oldest just didn’t like the thought of it at all !
Close family might have some very strong views on this but at the end of the day it is your body and your last wishes should be respected whatever you choose.

Sandra x

3

Hi Ladies,
Yes, an interesting question. My only thought (fresh from a dear friend’s funeral yesterday) is that it is so important to have a body to say goodbye to. I think so anyway. In my experience it’s only when the coffin is carried in and you can see the effort on the faces of the pallbearers, that it really sinks in that the person is dead.
There’s no reason why there shouldn’t be a coffin at the funeral, and then the body be taken to the medical establishment. After all, there is often a ‘committal’ say, at the church, when they put the coffin into the hearse to go to the crem, if it’s a family only crem service. Everyone sort of says their goodbyes as the coffin is put in and the hearse is driven away. The same thing could happen.
I am ‘religious’, but to me the ‘committal’ part of the service is where I am offered up to God and my family and friends will ‘let me go’. After that I don’t think it matters what happens to my body.
What do others think?
Jacquie x

4

Jacky - wouldn’t your body have to be kept ‘fresh’ if it was to be used for medical science? I would have thought that you would be kept in a freezer/fridge of some sort until you were ready to be used (sorry I know it makes it sound like im talking about a frozen turkey and not a person - don’t mean to be disrespectful!)

Linda
x

5

Hi Alison, Yes an interesting thread indeed! I am not religous either and would prefer a humanist funeral and to have my ashes scattered at a favourite spot and for my husband and daughters to be present… When my Mother in law died she wanted her ashes spread at Luskintyre Beach on Harris in the Outer Hebrides. My husband and I took her ashes there by boat and did what she requested and it was a very moving journey. My father in law had a humanist funeral which I thought was ok but I didn’t think the “speaker” had ever met him before so it wasn’t very “personal”. Is that the right word? My brother in law talked about his Dad and that got me really going…weeping.
I personally would NOT like my body to go for medical students to dissect ever since I watched that unusual programme on TV about autopsies. Although I did find the programme quite interesting. I don’t think my children would cope with the idea of it. Am I right in thinking that even although a person makes a request like this, that the next of kin have the final say in the matter anyway?
I know years ago I looked into becomming an organ doner but was told the only bit they could use was my corneas ( eyes). As my sight isn’t great I don’t think anyone would benefit very much!
I do think it is very important to say goodbye and have coped better with bereavement of loved ones when I have “seen them” to say goodbye. Thanks for bringing up this delicate subject. LOve Val

6

Hi,
I thought you might like to hear the experiences of my friend as her father left his body to medical science. This may or may not be standard procedure as it was about 4 years ago. She had told me about this previously and it was quite a strange idea to me. When he died there was no funeral at all. I kept forgetting and asking about it!! Hopeless. She said there could be no funeral without a body and no memorial service as he was not religious, absolutely nothing. Then 18 months later, which she said is the longest they keep them, she told me she was going to his cremation. It could not be a burial and to be blunt she said there was a small box of what was left. The trainee doctor who had been practising on him (as his cadaver) was present at the cremation and said a few words about how kind to let him have his body and no-one else was allowed to speak. Only a very small number of immediate relatives were allowed to attend with no friends. She said it was extremely hard to draw a line under his death and move on as she knew he was not buried/ cremated and was still in the mortuary. I do apologise if this is not what you wanted to hear but it might be very difficult for children to cope with. This chap had just adult children in their 50s left and they found it very upsetting that they could not move on and never knew when a letter would arrive to say he was ready.
On another thing you mentioned, i lost a good friend to BC recently and went to my first humanist ceremony at the crematorium. I thought it was one of the most intimate and personal funerals I had ever been to and was quite charmed with how much effort they made to talk about her and people came up and spoke about what she enjoyed. We also had a collage of photos of her throughout her life, which I shall treasure.
Please bear in mind this may not be the case in all areas so might be worth asking the right questions in your area if it appeals. I really understand the help someone part and was really upset to have to accept I couldn’t be an organ donor now or give one of my relatives a kidney if the need should arise. Blasted Bc
Lily x

7

Such a difficult topic…
I am religious and had never considered donating my body, always assumed a traditional funeral and burial.
This changed when I was diagnosed, and subsequently saw a ‘one show’ special on donation. I cant find a link, but here is a newspaper article about the documentary;
dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1280593/Dad-kept-body-working–death-Tessa-Dunlop-father-gave-body-medical-science.html
I realised that all the fantastic doctors and surgeons who have worked on me, learned (in part) from donated bodies.
I am more inclined towards donation now, although that may change in the future.
It is such a personal decision, no right or wrong.

8

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9

I have strong spiritual beliefs but don’t consider myself religious; however it doesn’t bother me what happens to my body after I die. I do understand what another member says about relatives needing a form of closure though. like anything, it’s a personal choice but if you do decide to donate it might be wise to talk this through with your loved ones first so that they are aware of your decision and can come to terms with it. I wouldn’t personally choose it but a friend of mine was saying recently that he wanted to donate. I think it’s a very worthwhile idea if one wants to, but it’s clearly not for everyone.

10

Hi All,
Some interesting food for thought there. I hadn’t realised the body would not be ‘available’ for the funeral - good point! That sounds potentially really hard for the family and friends.I like the idea of my ashes scattered in a beautiful place, as I love the outdoors, and there isn’t one place I have lived that feels like ‘home’ where I would like there to be a permanent marker. So a favourite beach or mountain sounds my idea of the perfect spot for my family to visit.
As far as the service being personal or not, it’s nothing to do with what religion or denomination or whatever the officiant is. It all depends on the individual person taking the service, and how skilled they are at teasing out the personal details as they talk with the family beforehand. Unless of course they already know the person who has died, which helps a lot. I have been to horrible humanist services, and beautiful ones, and the same with Christian ones. Kay’s service on Tuesday had her ‘fingerprints’ all over it as she had made nearly all the decisions about how she would like it to be. It felt as though she was there and that was very special.
Love Jacquie x

11

Thanks for all your really thoughtful comments, ladies.

Oscarbailey - thanks for the link. Yes, I think it was the One Show that I saw it on.

Lily - thanks for sharing the experience of your friend. Definitely food for thought. I have a little one and clearly whatever decision I make must take her into account. The last thing I want is to make it difficult for her to move on, indeed, for any of my family. But like you, I was really upset when I realised that I wouldn’t be able to be an organ donor after BC.

I agree with you, Jacquie, about it making a difference how personal the service is. I went to the funeral recently of an ex-work colleague who sadly died very suddenly and unexpectedly, and the service reflected that. To me it lacked the personal touch, could have been about anyone. Whereas for my grandmother’s funeral my mother and I both spoke about her.

At least most of us will be in the ‘fortunate’ (! - you know what I mean!) position of being able to do a bit of planning beforehand if we want to. Personally I want to be involved in the planning as it makes me feel - from this perspective - as if I’d be there with them.

I realise I would have to discuss this with husband, sister, parents as it’s such a huge deal, and haven’t a clue how to broach the subject, or what sort of a response I might get. I think my mother would sympathise with the idea, but I agree that it could be hard for people not to have something tangible to focus on, and not having something physical to say goodbye to could be too upsetting. I think my decision would be dictated by what my family felt. I guess that’s why there are so few bodies available to medical students, because ultimately it’s the family that is left behind to cope.

On a completely different note, my daughter (three and a half) managed to find a pair of scissors today and hacked at all the hair (beautiful, long, curly) round the front and sides of her face. Took just five minutes of my back being turned. I feel so guilty. We’re still trying to decide whether to chop the rest of it short as well. I think I’ll have to, as I can’t stand looking at her at the moment!

Best wishes to all.

Alison x

12

Oh Alison,
It’s such a common thing for children to do, but so upsetting for their Mums. I remember my daughter doing the same (she had been asking for a fringe for months and months - should’ve listened!) I can’t remember where you are at with treatments and hair, but do you think it’s anything to do with your hair loss, or just one of those things kids do?
I guess if you can’t bear looking at it then you will have to give her a gentle trim. They say short hair’s good for in summer… The only consolation is that it will grow back. It could have been your curtains!
A big hug to you
Jacquie x

13

Love the comparison to the curtains Jacquie…
When my daughter was small I came home from work and she was in bed. My husband was looking after her!!!. As I went upstairs to kiss her goodnight I saw strands of hair on every step on the stairs! When I left for work she had long hair, no fringe and her hair was really long…It was still long at the back, (the bits she couldn’t reach) but the sides were cut to her chin but the fridge was cut so short it could have been a crew cut…I took her to the hairdressers the following day and asked…“What can you do with this?”…
Another time again when I was at work she climbed up a chest of drawers 6 drawers high by opening all the drawers out…then reached for a bottle of opium Perfume ( not eau de toilette or eau de perfume) with a stopper and spilled the lot down the open drawers…when my husband went to work the nurses kept asking " Are you wearing Opium Perfume?..She is better now though!
I took her to 2 funerals too when she was small…but that is another story!!! I should have known better. It still makes me giggle. Love Val

14

Hi,
you triggered my memory about my friend, who had a rather dry sense of humour. She said you just open the post each day, usual bills and then without warning a shock letter saying you have to go to your father’s funeral on a specific date. She said it was like it just happened all over again because there had been no goodbye before. I wonder if there are other options such as donating a specific organ for cancer research. I read of people being asked for cjd patients’ brains to research the disease. That sounded like they only wanted that one organ so presumably they could be cremated or buried.
I like the hair stories. My middle daughter got cross when her new layers of hair grew as she had grown out her fringe and pulled the whole lot out and had a bald patch for quite some time. I can remember trying to do hair styles to cover the round circle with no hair.
Lily x

15

Hi

It’s a while since I lost my hair but I guess I’m sensitive about it because of that. I can see the funny side of it today. You know lads with patterns shaved into their heads - swirls, zigzags, etc - well, that’s what my little one looks like on one side! Thank goodness she didn’t cut herself, just her hair.

And I don’t feel quite so bad about it now, because she did it with a pair of scissors that my husband had been using in front of her and she saw where he put them. I didn’t even know we had them. So as much as I feel guilty, I guess he feels the same!

Off now in search of a hairdresser to put it right.

Best wishes to all.
Alison x

16

Evening,
My daughter recently dissected bodies at University. After what she told me, I think I will possibly donate - ALL the bodies they had at that time were men over 60 so it was really difficult for the students to have the correct experiences of both genders and younger bodies.
Just a thought …

17

Well, it was tough, but I’ve now discussed this with my sister and my parents. Haven’t broached it with hubby yet. They all feel that it’s a noble thing to do, but I could see that they found talking about it very distressing, particularly my mum. No surprises there. I think at the end of the day, it’s going to be down to what my husband can bear, when the time comes, which may be something quite different from any discussion we might have in advance. And at least my parents accept that the final decision will be his, as next of kin. My father told me that when his father died, he’d wanted to be cremated, but my father’s mother decided to have him buried, which upset my aunt as it was going against her father’s wishes. So it’s such an emotive issue, at a really distressing time.

However, I still think that, for me, body donation is something I’d like to have happen to my body when I’m gone.

Best wishes.
Alison

18

Hi all

Thought I would share my thoughts on this subject. My father who died in 2003 at age 93 donated his body. He was such a generous man that it seemed quite natural for him. They apparently can keep the body up to three years and they then either bury or cremate according to the wishes of the deceased and/or family. However my mother sister brother and myself found this such a very difficult time. We had no closure because obviously we could not have a funeral to say our goodbyes. In the end I called the Society after seven months and asked whether his body could be released. The whole family were in such a state and I personally had to have counselling. The Society of course honoured our wishes and eleven months after my fathers death we were able to have the funeral. I agree that it is a wonderful gift and of course medical students do need to practice, but please think so very carefully about the effect it will have on your nearest and dearest. I hope you find this thread useful in making your decision. Margaret xx

19

Hi Margaret

Thanks for your insight. For me, about four months on now from when I originally posted I guess I’ve put this idea right to the back of my mind. I daresay it’ll crop up again in time and at least I can consider body donation as one option, cremation the other. I really don’t want to cause my family distress … so difficult…

Alison x