Cancer again, harder to cope this time

It’s a long night. Had diagnosis yesterday - lobular cancer, probably stage 2. To have mammogram and MRI scan before surgery on 12/06. Many of you will know how hard the waiting is and how the nights seem many hours too long.

 

DCIS 5 years ago, had 3 ‘slices’ taken within 7 weeks as they kept finding there was no clear margin, full anaesthetic each time, so very woolly brain for ages, followed by radiotherapy. Mammogram and check up each year since.

 

I spoke about the lump/thickening in my other breast at last year’s check, told seemed fine, to go via GP if it got bigger, which it didn’t. 18 March saw consultant, said needed ultrasound scan followed by core biopsy if necessary, appointment in 3 weeks. Totally hopeless at hospital, told no paperwork several times, that no appointment was made for me - all wrong, but kept having to phone various departments and consultant’s secretary. Scans were taking 11 weeks despite urgent form from consultant!

 

Finally decided to pay to go privately, £700 for scan and biopsy 2 weeks ago - the day after contacting the private hospital. Thank goodness I did as I’d still be waiting for scan on NHS. Back to consultant for results yesterday; nurse will monitor mammogram and MRI scan to make sure they are done in plenty of time before op, when consultant should have more idea whether lumpectomy or mastectomy - although I’m tending to feel that mastectomy would be best. Having visited the clinic for 30+ years for cysts before cancer, feel it might be better to know that everything has gone.

 

The past 2 months have been very hard, waiting. My dear SIL has been ill with various cancers in the last 6 years and is fighting secondary brain cancer at the moment - she and my brother are so brave and I just feel like shaking jelly. Haven’t told them yet, got my husband to tell my brother when he rang us last night that I have to go back again - not a lie, as I do have to go back. We go to see them once a week, take my brother shopping etc and will have to say more about it, but SIL is getting worse, morphine dose up twice since Friday.

 

Then there’s the family trip on a boat for a long weekend starting Friday coming to celebrate my husband’s 70th last Sunday - hoping not to put a great damper on it. I just want to cry, but haven’t, feel NHS has let me down, don’t feel I can be open about all this to anyone, although my husband is there for me. Trip to France had to be cancelled, won’t get there for ages now - want to get back to friends and sunshine.

 

Sorry to have such a long moan, at least writing this feels as though I’m starting to deal with it.

 

Hi jo oh my goodness you have had such a traumatic time, you certainly did right to go privately, thank god you did . Well what can I say , you’ve been here before and you know what’s to come , the feelings you are having at this time are shared with us all and we are all here for you to speak about them. All the love in the world around you and the support of friends and family isn’t the same as talking to ladies going through the same journey is it. I was diagnosed a week ago and go back for my results tomorrow, I know I’ve got bc , I only had to look at the face of the radiographer who did my ultrasound scan ,im a nurse ,i asked the question and she answered me honestly , so this week has probably been the worst of my life so far , my house is full of flowers ,my phone hasn’t stopped ringing, my family are amazing and I still feel so alone ,need I say more.its the total’ out of your control 'feeling at the mo, plans having to be cancelled and just the uncertainty of it all. I’m so lucky in that my wonderful sister has taken this journey twice like you and she has been my rock , supportive, informative and assuring me that we all feel this way and things will get better. So try and be positive , it’s very hard for you with your sil going through so much and my heart goes out to you all .im hoping to get my plan for treatment tomorrow and just get thing sorted . You will get back to friends and sunshine as we all will, take care , we are all here for you best wishes Jayne xxx

Hi Jo1
I am sorry to read that you are having such a difficult time at the moment, in addition to the support you already have here please feel free to call our helpliners, they are on hand to talk you through any concerns or queries and lend you a listening ear. Lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2 on 0808 800 6000

You may find the following link to further support and information from BCc helpful over the coming weeks:

breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis

Take care
Lucy BCC

Hi Jo, saw your post and thought umm yes remember all those appointments. The Mri was weird to say the least, face down boobs through holes and the noise, why they put .music on I don’t know because you can’t hear it…Anyway what I wanted to say was that the appointment the day before your op is most likely to be the injection of dye used to locate your lymph nodes during surgery, its painless into your bad boob …hope this helps …Linda xx

Jo,you are going through so much at the moment so keep using the forum it really helps to talk,ask questions etc with ladies that are facing the same or similar journey’s. I am now on second chemo since diagnosis and post often on the chemo threads now…it really helps as since my diagnosis at christmas I also lost my dad to lung cancer within two weeks of his diagnosis and then ended up in hospital last week with neuroplenic sepsis…it’s not easy but with the virtual hugs and kind helpful words from other ladies it is doable…any questions please ask…Linda xx