Please try not to beat yourself up over this. I worked in London for 20 years and I had a fantastic after work social life. This usually involved sitting in wine bars and restaurants quaffing in the company of good friends. In the summer months there was nothing like sitting by the Thames in good company sharing a chilled bottle of white. I was also a social smoker. However, I balanced all this by healthy eating.
I gained weight in my mid 30s as a mature student. The long periods of study were more sedentary than office work. I also don’t have children which is another risk factor in all this. But what would have been the point of having children if I didn’t want them?
I refuse to beat myself up or blame myself for getting this - at the time of diagnosis the surgeon said to me “don’t ask us why you got this, because we can’t tell you”, so there is no point in saying it’s my own fault. Fortunately, as I am now over 4 years post diagnosis I have reached a stage where I just put myself into each day and get on with it.
Also, thanks to RoadRunner for the link to a very positive article about general health and recurrance.
Hello hope4444,
Just wondered how things were going with you and how your family is doing too. Val
I try to live every day as if i dont have cancer and thats how it will be until it gets me or something else does.
Hi Val,
Thanks for your post.
I’m still struggling a bit. Went to see a clinical psychologist yesterday and came away feeling worse!
Your story is really impressive. I wonder if you have a particular mind set or attitude that has helped you cope over the years?
The children have spent a lot of the holidays playing with friends so that is great but my little boy woke up crying a few mornings ago. He’d had a nightmare in which I’d died…
OH is really busy with work and hardly ever at home.
Hatty, that sounds like a good way to live. I just wish I could forget about cancer for a day!
Hope you’re all having a good day.
K x
I have to settle with not thinking about it for a short while - if C pops into my head I have to refocus on something else quickly. But I do give myself “thinking time” by going off each day for a hours rest/relaxation and if I need to feel really sad then I try to cope until then… and to have a mental break from being in coping mode. Finding the positive mindset does not seem to come easily all the time to me - and it’s even more annoying when everyone comments on how positive I am. I’m seeing my counselor tomorrow and wonder how I will feel afterwards - sometimes I don’t want to talk about what’s bothering me and it can take a while for a new idea to sink in.
Keep in touch with us
Hi francesw,
How did you get on with your counselling?
I’ve had my second session today. I felt even worse after the first one but better after this morning’s
Hatty, thank you.
I have been trying to live life as you do, ie living as if I don’t have bc until it or something gets me and it has helped me enormously!
K x
Hiya K
Glad to know the second counselling felt better - I think it takes quite a while to settle with a counsellor; I hated it when the one I had left for a new job… that was very traumatic as he’d been so helpful. Ok now with new one but she thought I’d reached a consolidation stage and wondered if we needed another meeting soon - I said “yes”, I might be ok today but who knows how I’ll feel in a few weeks on this roller coaster of drugs and tests and I’d rather phone her and say “I’m fine can I change time and come in a few weeks” than “Help, I need to see you”
Hope you are forgetting BC some of the time - that’s the best I achieve and I’m still surprised, and relieved, that I do since it’s often “in my mind” but other are not aware that it is…so I appear as my old “normal” self in many ways - and that’s encouraging for me - but good to have the counselling outlet for real feelings too…
Fran