Can't cope!!

Hi all

Just had to write something down and try to get things out of my head!!

To cut a long story short - I was diagnosed with bc a few weeks ago - had my first chemo 2 weeks ago - used the cold cap but hair starting to come out last few days - trying to get on and cope with all that but on top of it all my mum has been in hospital for the last 2 weeks - nothing to do with cancer but finding it hard to cope with going to see her… I know I should be resting more - and hospitals are full of infection - but since theres only me and my dad I have to go. Since yesterday, I am finding it difficult to see her as she seems to be ‘failing’ very quickly.

I just dont think I can cope any more and cant stop crying the last 2 days. I am trying to be strong for my daughters sake (she is 14), but finding it hard. She goes away to her dads for a few days tomorrow so dont know if that will help or not.

I am fed up with people telling me to ‘keep my chin up’ and telling me I am strong!! I feel like I am just crumpling day by day and it doestnt help that I am just at the start of my cancer journey.

Sorry to blabber on I know there is worse off than me out there but just feel so ‘down’ and finding life hard just now.

Fiona
x

Hello Fiona,

I’m sorry to hear you’re finding things hard at the moment. If you feel you need some extra support or just a ‘listening ear’ do call the helpline where you can talk to the staff here in confidence about how you’re feeling at the moment. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 the lines being open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.

Take care. Kind regards

Emma, Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

So sorry to hear that life is dealing you so much all at once, you’re in my thoughts. Right now, for you, it feels like there is nobody worse off, and don’t fret about thinking that. Whilst your daughter is away take some time for you.Whatever you want to do is right for you, this is your pain and only you can steer your way through. You might just want to bawl your eyes out, or punch all the feathers out the pillow, or go up a hill and scream as loud as you can - but don’t shove it out the way if you can help it.

Thoughts are with you, try and just take a moment at a time.

hugs

Ruth
x

Hi Fiona, your a great person, with too much all at once going on, so here is my joke of the day to cheer you up (i hope)

two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other “can you drive this?”

ok, that was poor, but i thought it was funny!

lots of love and hugs

Alison xxx

Hi Fiona

Sorry that you are having it really tough right now, and your mum is not well. As Ruth said, maybe with your daughter going away to her dads for a couple of days, try to take some time to look after you and not worry about anyone else (apart from your mum obviously). And don’t apologise for putting your feelings down, that is what this site is for, and we all know how hard some days are and I know how alone I feel sometimes, or how it all starts to get on top of me.

Cry, rant and scream as much as you like if it helps you.

Hope you are feeling better tomorrow, and I am thinking about you.

Sending lots of cyber hugs.

Love
Dawn
xx

Fiona

I don’t know how I can help but to send you lots of love and cyber hugs. I know what it is like when people are telling you that you are so strong when inside you are just crumbling.
Everyone is here on this site as your shoulder to lean on.

Sharon x

Thank you all for your kindness - and thank you Alison for your ‘joke’ - pretty bad but still made me smile :slight_smile:

I just cant stop crying and am dreading going to see mum tomorrow - how bad is that?? I just dont want my dad worrying anymore as he has enough on his plate as it is (he is 65) so of course I worry about him too!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaRRRRRRRRRRRHhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Fiona
xx

Hey Fiona if you think thats bad, go to chitchat and fun, i have started a “best bad joke of the day” thread, of course, only me who’s put any on yet, but give it time, it’ll become a hit lol
wish we could take all this away for you, not a lot really that you can say, but just know that we are thinking of you, and are behind you all the way, like you are for us, and of course you don’t want to see your mum ill, thats not bad at all, that just how we all feel, so put that stick away, or beat it on the wall, not yourself.

lots of love

Alison xxxxxx

noticed your best bad joke of the day - added another bit on - cant think of any ‘fresh’ jokes tho - brain is minced!!

Fiona
xx

yep just saw it, don’t really think it’ll be a hit, but hey, its a bit of a laugh, and god knows, they don’t come ten to the dozen nowadays

Alison xxxxx

I dont know Alison - the ‘gonna go and live on an island’ was a hit and brought loads of smiles to my face so fingers crossed the bad joke of the day will do the same and catch on.

Think I will go to bed now (my daughter has a friend sleeping over so will go and hush them up - they are very good bless them!!)

Take care and ‘speak’ to you soon
Thanks
Fiona
xx

You take care too, it will get better one day, honest

lots of love

Alison xxxxx

Just wanted to send you a massive ‘cyber hug’ ((((((((((o)))))))))),

Kelly
-x-

Thanks to you all

Feel a bit better today - put on some make up and went into town - have bought a ‘beanie’ as my hair is still shedding at a very fast rate!! - Think it quite suits me really - much better with make up on tho!

Popped into work to see the girls too - strange being there - and dont know if I will be rushing back with ‘not my own hair’ - but spose I will have to.

Also got a phonecall from the unit manager where I had my first treatment (for those of you who dont know it was a complete shambles of a day!!) - anyway she will be investigating it thoroughly. Fingers crossed that Tuesday will be much better - next treatment!!

Anyway - hugs and laughs to all of you out there
Take care
Fiona

Hi Fiona

Just noticed your thread and wanted to add my support too ! I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time of it at the moment, but it will get better I promise you, and you can come on here and have a rant or moan whenever you want - we’ve all done it, and everyone here is so supportive.

I was diagnosed with bc on 4th April and am having chemo first followed by mastectomy, rads and herceptin for a year. Today I had my 7th out of 8th chemo’s and am feeling so much more positive. Yes, losing your hair is another hurdle we have to go through, but hey, just think you’ll have no “bad hair days” for a few months, and showering takes no time at all now, as there’s nothing to wash or shave !! I too have a 14 year old daughter - initially she was very scared, but has been brilliantly supportive and even takes the mickey out of me now (which is fine!) although she was rather too eager to steal my hair straighteners once I’d lost my hair!

I don’t want to make light of the situation, but you will get through this Fiona. Bless you, you’ve got the added worry about your Mum, but I promise you, you’ll find the strength from somewhere (Yeah I thought that was a load of old tosh at first, but its true!).

We’re all here for you

Lots of love and a big hug

Julie

xx

P.S If you want even more of a laugh, check out the thread on “WIND” started by Princess18. It cracked me up !