carn`t get my head sorted

carn`t get my head sorted

carn`t get my head sorted Hi all,

I havent been on this site for a few weeks as i have been feeling low scince finnishing treatment (appart for tam ).I have been very emotional and crying and i just havent felt happy with-in myself,which my hubby and family don`t understand,they think i should be on top of the world as treatment is over.

I thought i would feel better after my appt with onc but i don`t all he said was he is happy that my treatment has been sucsesfull but he said never say never,so i went to my gp told him how i felt,cryed and he has put me on prozach.

I just carn`t get my head sorted out,im constantly feeling both breasts for lumps,and im petrified it will come back,i have also been feeling sick and have lots of intergestion and fear the worst.

Has any body else felt the same scince finnishing treatment,

Bluebell

You’re not alone… Hi Bluebell

Your post rang a bell with me. Immediately after I’d finished the surgical part of my treatment last year and started taking the Tamoxifen I felt that I was cast adrift without any support. I got very depressed and ended up going for counselling - I hadn’t even been able to cry. My cancer was lobular and I was (am sometimes still am) terrified that it’s in the other breast and they just haven’t seen it - even though I had an MRI scan.

I know it’s difficult to believe at the moment but the low feelings will pass. They won’t go away completely - I still have days and times when I’m depressed and frightened and every ache and pain I get develops a sinister significance. I think that this is just another facet of the disease - and it’s often one that Doctors are poor at addressing.

You might want to consider going for some counselling. I don’t know where you’re based but most hospitals have some sort of counselling service, often staffed by people who have been treated for cancer and understand what we’re going through. Failing that - keep using these forums. Whenever I’ve felt low I’ve always had a great deal of support and love from the posters here - along with some great advice for getting on with my life.

I do hope that you begin to feel a bit brighter soon.

Love
Anne
xx

Hi HI Bluebell

I finished my treatment in April and like yourself I was always going to feel for lumps but couldnt get my hand to tough my skin as I was so pertrified! I dont know if you have seem my posting about the courses run by breast cancer care but if you have one in your area please go as it covers everything that you have been talking about. It was an amazing experience and it has really helped me cope with all the emotions.

It will get easier.

Love Debbie x

sorting out your head Hi, it all hit me when I went back to work and was given the all clear. Terrible anxiety about death for myself and my nearest and dearest plus survivor guilt. very tearful very scared. I had counselling which really helped - I really dont think Prozac is the answer - I cried buckets on the first couple of occasions releasing all those bottled up fears and anxieties and now feel really great, obviously I have those odd moments but they are few and far between. Please dont be scared to ask for help, I spoke to my breast care nurse and was offered groups or one to one - I chose one to one.
Best wishes
Sally

I felt the same Hi Bluebell,

I can really relate to how you’re feeling. I was in shock and utterly terrified for about 4 months after diagnosis. I started constantly checking the other breast but I didn’t know what was normal and what wasn’t. It didin’t help that chemo enlarged the glands in my remaining breast so it felt really lumpy! I was paranoid and petrified all the time. My GP eventually got me some counselling and this has helped me enormously. I started to feel more positive.
However, the next big fall came when treatment ended (it’s no wonder people refer to this as a roller-coaster ride!). Family and friends expected me to be so happy after the last chemo but I just came home and sobbed.
One month on and I’m doing much better. Hang in there Blubell, it will get easier. Generally, I think we recover from the physical trauma much easier than the emotional one - that scar lasts forever.

Take care,
Tasha x

hi bluebell i havent been on for a little while but do still read posts. i know how you feel, i thought id have a look today as i feel quite bad just now. really feel low. i finished rads in may, now taking arimadex. lots of pain in joints and headaches. feeling tired all the time, no energy. sometimes i just want to stay in bed and hide myself away from everyone. i just want to cry all the time. no one wants to talk about it but sometimes i do. i dont think we are prepared for the emotional side of all this, especially when treatment has finished, my doc asked me to consider counselling which i am thinking about, maybe you should too, rather than prozac, sorry to be depressing but i hope it helps a bit to know that your not alone. take care
annie x

I can sympathise Hi Bluebell

I can sympathise with how you feel right now. My treatment has finished apart from taking Tamoxifen. But I feel more low now thats its all over. I feel very emotional. Everytime I have to be examined I have this fear that they will find another lump. Its a shadow that hangs over me all the time. Another reason I feel low is that now its all over with, people expect you to get on with things like you did before the cancer.
I was talking to one of my work collegues about my fears and she replied ‘Well its just something you’ve got to live with isn’t it?’ I was quite upset by that remark. I thought it was a bit tackless. As if I don’t know that I’ve got to live with it!

I haven’t had any counciling but I found talking to family and friends helped a lot. It would probably help you more to talk about your feelings with group counciling, and also this website
where you can talk to people who have been through the same thing. I have found it a great help reading about other womens experiences and how they coped.

I would take the Prozac as a last resort if nothing else helps you.

I really hope that you feel better soon,

take care,
love
Cynthia x

thanks Thanks ladys,

for all your feed back,i think im going to phone my breast nurse and see if she can arrange some councilling for me.I dont feel i can talk to family or freinds as like some of you they think now its over i should be putting it behind me and getting on with life with out thinking about cancer,i know i have got to get on with life but i carnt sudenly switch of and forget ive had cancer,it `s so frightening.

I have moved on a little already by starting to get my identity back by loseing weight,haveing funky hair styles,i have even ditched the big knickers i wore for hospital exams and gone back to thongs,i go for a 2-3 mile walk every day,but i havent got my confidence back.

Im also worried about going back to work,i work in a car production factory and it a heavy fast enviroment,and extremaly hot this time of the year,i was planning to go back in 2 weeks time but i know i wont cope with the heat and fast pace yet,my employer has been fantastic to me throughout my time off but im worrid if im of any longer that will change,i have been off for 10 months,but now thinking of makeing it up to 12 and going on a holiday in september.

Luv Bluebell
ps sorry for my spelling

Arimedex side effects - depression Hi Annie
I had breast cancer three years ago and felt great after all my treatment finished - just so glad to be alive. However I’ve just switched from Tamoxifen to Arimedex and I’ve been feeling really anxious - not about cancer but about other things. I’ve always been a worrier but now I’m waking up in the night panicking about whether my husband loves me. I’m in constant need of reassurance and it’s driving him mad and making me feel pathetic.

I’ve read that there are side effects to Arimedex of anxiety and depression but I’m hoping they go off as my body adjusts to the new drug. Does anyone else suffer from anxiety?

Anxiety Hi there to everyone who has posted in this thread!
I was diagnosed in 1999 aged 41 and had mastectomy, chemo and radio and also tamoxifen. When I finished the treatment, I too had very strange feelings of anti climax, anxiety and lack of confidence.
It took quite a while for me to adjust and I found it very hard going back to work after 9 months away. It was as though everyone expected me to be “back to normal” when I didn’t feel I ever would be. The trivialities of life irritated me and I felt work was so relatively unimportant in the big scheme of things.
Seven years on, I feel very different. I have got my body looking more like the old me (reconstruction was a wonderful option!), I have lost the weight gained during chemo and am now enjoying work most of the time. I have had a scare over the past week as I have started to bleed after being without periods for 6 years and am awaiting a gynaecology appointment but other than that, things have got better.
It helps to talk to people who have been through this as nobody else really understands. I have had periods on anti depressants but now I manage without them, it has got easier!
Good luck to all,
Love Judy

I can sympathise Hi Bluebell
I’ve just had my first session with our NHS works counsellor (I work at a GP surgery). I cried buckets for the whole hour. I completely agree with all you’ve said the emotional side is very different from the physical side of bc. I thought I was doing brilliantly, been finished chemo since feb, now on Herceptin for 1 year but all of a sudden my emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t control them - it was like a flood gate opening and I couldn’t shut it. I’m shit scared its gonna come back and bite me again!!! . Im’ sure just talking to the counsellor will help as I find it difficult to discuss emotions with my hubby and 2 teenage sons but I’m sure I’ll get through it - Its very hard but be assured that this site helps enormously - and I always feel better when I’ve been browsing through it - there really are people out there who are feeling exactly like me!!!.

Keep going and hope it helps that others are feeling the same as you.
Take Care
clemy X