Having finished my treatment I am finding myself thinking along the lines of “is this it”, I feel stuck in such a rut, doing the same things day in day out,
I dont know how I thought anything was going to be that different, but for want of a word I am bored,
I have been to my gp and arrangements have been made for me to go in and have a chat to see whether that will help,
thing is the daft little things I want to do like the garden and a bit of painting in the house, I havent got the energy to do, I think I may be expecting a bit too much too soon, but I sit off looking at other people who seem to be “getting on with it” and wonder why carnt I?
I think/hope it’s a quite a common feeling you’re having. I finished treatment in february and now don’t quite know what to do with myself. Sometimes I’m fine and can keep myself busy, other times I’m all over the place: feel run down, tired and am just trying and get through the day. I know part of this is my hormones being all over the place and actually that helps knowing that. I also think it’s quite strange when you’ve been living with a very defined routine and then you just have to get on with life. I’m going on a course arranged by our local hospice for people post treatment, so I’m hoping that will help meeting other people. In the meantime I think you’re being very sensible going to the gp. The one thing I’ve learnt is people are very willing to listen and help with any of your concerns. So no don’t worry it’s not just you!
Not surprised at all. You’ve been on the roller coaster and now it’s back to normal, but old normal isn’t new normal. Everything looks daunting and overwhelming.
I’d start with getting a solid notebook and making a list. Break down the big jobs to be done, such a garden, into smaller jobs such as, weed border behind garage or organise tools. Then you can get started on small tasks and tick them off. I love ticking them off. A great motivator for me. Join something too. I’ve started going to yoga once a week and an art class. Gets me out, makes me go out and I meet new people which perks me up.
Exercise is good and no daytime tv.
HOpe some of this mayhelp.
Jane
i had to check the date of this posting because it sounded exactly one that someone had done a month or so ago.
they had got through their treatment, they had been looking forward to the day it all ended thinking life would be wonderful again, but it suddenly hit them that their normal life was not as wonderful as they remembered. Just a routine of mundane jobs that did not realy excite them.
I cannot remember the outcome of that thread, just that there were lots of people saying the same thing. Some had gone for counciling, some decided to make life changes etc.
I am sure there will be other people along for you that felt like this.
I wondered if you might be interested in our Moving Forward Resource Pack?
It covers lots of relevant topics to help you move forward with more confidence, it also includes a Getting Fitter DVD which helps you gently introduce exercise into your routine.
I’ve given the link below, the Pack can be ordered through the site:
I can really recommend the Moving Forward Resource Pack. It helped me a lot as I am really struggling with getting used to my ‘new normal’ too.
I also found this book really helpful - The Cancer Survivor’s Companion, as it covers so many of the things we have to deal with once active treatment is over.
Don’t beat yourself up Liz, what you are going through is *completely* normal!
O&L yes I think I may have started that same thread too!!!
I keep waiting to feel different, and to be fair I do have days where I feel up a bit, but then I seem to go down again.
I would love to just get on with things without feeling so hard done to, I hate feeling this way, and wonder whether this recent diagnosis and treatment has made me realise what a boring and mundane life I had to begin with!!!
I will have to start thinking differently because this line of thought isnt healthy,
at least I realise now I am not completely on my own thinking and feeling this way, and I can get some relief that it in fact isnt that unusual after all.
It’s very possible that the old normal WAS indeed boring and kinda “is that all there is?” but you’ve had the massive wake-up call with cancer and its treatment that sometimes takes our blinkers off.
Is there something in your life you’d like to change? Is there something you’ve always mumbled “I’d love to do that some time” about? Some people find a good way to get going again is to plan something they’ve never had the oomph to get round to, would that work for you?
I’m so glad to read your threads as I feel the same as you all,now I’ve finished treatment and am back to work it feels like abit of an anti climax,although I have been longing for the day when I would have normality again doing routine things etc I realise nothing is really as normal anymore…if that makes sense! Everyone around me thinks I look well and think that all that I’ve gone through is all done and dusted.I understand where they are coming from but I feel sometimes in limbo and still have the overwhelming feelings of when I was first diagnosed,i.e scared witless,feeling down etc.I’m gaining some of my stamina and strength back following chemo which ended in January but still get tired and am always achy,so when well meaning friends and family say I look fine sometimes I feel like screaming be in this body of mine cos its not all its cracked up to be!! Sorry if it sounds like I’m moaning but I know all you ladies get where I’m coming from which in turn perks me up again and makes me more positive again.Best wishes to everyone Laura xx
hi I actually think I need to make a positive effort to do things, and speak my mind a bit more,
if there is something I would rather not do, then I am not going to do it, just to please other people, thats the trouble with me, I feel guilty if I let someone else down,
that makes me almost like a soft touch, oh Liz will do it, always dependable always there,
well maybe I need to think of myself and what I want for a change,things I would change about my life? are you kidding? yes there are a lot of things I would change, but it isnt the right time at the moment, I need to find a way to move forward and deal with it, so that is what I intend to try and do,
thanks to everyone for sharing and giving me a different way of thinking Liz x
i must admit I find myself just going with the flow more nowadays. Silly little things that used to get to me before just make me feel, so how important is that? does it matter? let them get on with it I have more important things to do with my time than worry about that.
Last night one of the band followers asked for a lift home, in the past i would have done that, despite it being 3am and wanting to be home in bed, but I found myself instead saying that i would drop him off on the main street on my way home and he could get a night bus. and he did not bat an eyelid, just said, great that will do fine. he was happy he got a lift, and i was happy to get home quickly. Why did i not realise that before??
So I am more selfish, which I thought i would not like, but in a way I am nicer because I am more relaxed and happy.
choccie muffin i think you are right. I did not think there was anything at all wrong with my life,and there probably wasnt , I am quite lucky realy. But finding this little lump has been such a shock and sent me into such an unreal place and now i am coming back to normality its as if I get a second chance, an opertunity to question things I did automatically before without a thought.
Its as if my life was a bit like a comfortable but untidy, slightly grubby room. And along came a disaster like a flood or something. so the room got cleared out and redecorated. Instead of automaticaly putting back all the old furniture and clutter i have just put back the bits of furniture i like, or accepted that there are some bits that arnt quite my taste but i cannot afford to replace them,so they have to stay. But then all the little nick nacks that have accumulated over the years only get put back in place if I like them. Otherwise its off to the charity shop with them.
Gosh that sounds a bit mumbo jumbo, did not think about it realy before, but that is what it feels like, and now that i have said it, it does make sense. I shall go down and give hubby a hug. He is definately a scruffy old, much loved comfortable chair that is staying.
Hi Liz im feeling a bit like this at the moment im nearly 4 weeks post rads & seem to be stuck, but im told this is natural & just to give yourself time to heal, you’ve been on a hell of a ride & now its stopped its a bit like keeping one foot on the ride yet your eager to take both feet off and the not knowing if its your head, heart or just sheer tiredness telling you to ‘hold on’ ? its your body telling you that its not ready for the full flow & your head is telling you it wants to, listen to your body & be kind to YOU. I think also those around us seem to think thats over now lets get back to ‘normal’ & I think that gives us added pressure but as hipchick said we need to find a ‘new normal’ which will take time.
Hope you’ll soon be feeling much better & brighter
lots of love
YoungandFunky, I LOVE your analogy with the flooded room, that really sums it up beautifully. Perhaps we all need to take a look at the redecorating of the flooded room and decide specifically that we DO want it the same colour and same wallpaper as it was before, or whether we want a change. It can be a bit of a bummer when you’ve only recently got over one flood (and still hadn’t actually decided on the wallpaper) only to be hit by another one.
ET, we all need to learn how to say those two little letters - N and O - and put them together forcefully. Unfortunately there will be situations where you can say NO a hundred times and not be listened to, but if you are still able to say it that’s good. NO is a good word, use it and regain some of the power and control that cancer took away.
yes it has to be done, chocciemuffin, you have the right idea, i dont even think i am being selfish just sensible, i have fallen into bed literally having run around doing for other people, well no more, not only can i not physically do it, mentally i dont intend to either,
once again, i come on here and find people who either still feel the same as myself or have experienced exactly what i am going on about and can totally relate to me,
well i only finished chemo yesterday and have no reads to come… but I was pleased to be told by onc that i would be seen in 2 months, for a chat on how its going… Its strange when you have spent so long living by appointments and good and bad weeks, that we can now set our own timetables!
I’m bored too Liz! It’s weird isn’t it, how we have spent some much time wanting our lives to be as they were before but now we are at the point when all the diversion of treatment is over, we realise that we don’t want to just go back to the old way of doing things?
Thanks to you wise ladies here I am starting to have some ideas. I have been working on and off from home throughout my treatment but think I need some time out to just reflect and be me for a little while. I have ordered the cancer survivors companion guide and will also get the moving forward resource pack. Many years ago I learned Tai Chi which I loved and I have also ordered a DVD so that I can start doing this again.
I love lists and today I am going to make a list of all the things I like about me and my life and start from there. In some ways I think the end of treatment is actually the start of the journey. It’s a bit scary, all this, but with the support of my loved ones and all you lovely ladies on here I know I will find my way.
Let us all find the love, happiness and peace we deserve as we make our way out of the dark woods and I can’t wait to hear all your escapades!
hi just joined the forum ,was worried about how i was feeling , im on 12 of 15 radiotherapy ,ive woke up with real bad pain in my shouder at the back and pain in my left bottom rib very sore to the touch, ,i have breast cancer in my left breast -hopefully all removed after surgery, but for weeks now i dont have any motivation to do anything ,and i have no concentration whatsoever ,i just feel like im exsisting through each day ,ive also put on 2 stone and as i was already overweight this isnt helping ,do i need to kick myself into touch --pull myself together – or is this going to go away in time ,i feel useless ,
I have finished my RADs and have been lucky so far with SEs, only fatigue and reddness in the area that has been zapped and a little itchy. I used 99% pure Aloe Vera gel 3 times a day throughout and is working well for me.
I found the articles on the links below really helped to explain why I am feeling the way I am, thanks again AOL and Choccie!
Sorry that you are struggling with your weight but lots of other ladies are posting that they have this problem too. I was lucky and managed to maintain my weight but have had a problem trying to exercise and found this article which helps to explain why:
It is not always easy to “snap out of it” especially when you don’t know what “it” is! The way you are feeling is normal given what you have been through and do take heart that you are not alone. I had a fantastic meeting with my BCN yesterday, a real heart to heart, and it really helped me to sort my head out. Is there someone you can talk to about how you feel?
Be kind to yourself and don’t ask too much, you have been through hell the last few months!
i dont know what other treatments you have had already. i do know that for some time now I have had the physical energy to do things but not hte mental will. My brain has wrapped itself in cotton wool and is much happier doing mindless things rather than hurling around getting organised and being pro-active.
I have not had chemo and am not taking drugs yet but my wieght has slowly gone up week by week. I had put it down to the inactivity after the op and my recent fall, but this week I have got my mental energy back and am hurling around as before, and it is still creeping up. I have just completed 5 out of 20 rads, so goodness knows what will happen if I get radiation fatigue, and then i do not want to think about tomaxifan.
i dont diet, but i know about good food choices. no sugar whatsoever, no comfort food (except alcohol) nothing processed (except alcohol) no snacks, like nuts or crisps or fruit. Not had chocolate since xmas. Nothing starchy at all except peas. And if anything i am eating less than i used to–put still the pounds are creeping on–about a pound a week.
Given what other people have to go through its not a huge problem, but it is dispiriting, my appearance is important to me.
