changing attitudes, less tolerant

Hi I have been Recently diagnosed with bc, have my post op appt on 13/08 , mapping on 18/08, and operation to have lump and lymph removed 19/8, 16 days and counting,  feeling less tolerant of those people, especially members of family on my partner side, who drink… .,who don’t care what they are doing to their bodies, they are alcoholics, but in Denial, I expect that this is the Anger coming out of my emotional roller coaster, it’s so frustrating, when we have do not have a choice,  they do…Grrrrrr!!!  


Thanks for reading…Just needed to let out my Grrr’s and frustrations xxx anyone else feel the same?


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Take care,

Jo, Moderator

Hi KMB, so sorry to hear about your diagnosis, I am still in limbo with regards to testing for BC but can relate to you anger with regards to other people and their choices, I lost 3 babies with miscarriage and ectopic Pregnancy and would get so upset when my sister still smoked during her pregnancy, she was all proud of herself for cutting down to only 3 or 4 a day, but I could never understand why, given my history she would even risk it. years later and she has the cheek to comment on other people smoking/drinking etc during pregnancy, but I have learned to let it go. they should know better and these days there is no excuse, but as I non smoker, I don’t know how it feels to have had to give up, so have learned to accept that they are making a personal informed choice and that is their right. You can only control your own environment, so eat right, and do what is right for you, and leave them to it, concentrate on getting well and try and use the energy for your recovery, the anger will eat away at you, and you don’t need to be dealing with that too. good luck with everything xx

KMB, smoking drinking etc increase your risk of developing cancers it does not mean it will happen.  I got it and dont smoke and drink very rarely.  I dont feel angry at people who do smoke or drink or even take drugs for not getting cancer when I did I just wonder why it happend to me.  But again why not me I am no different to other people?  So what I am saying is our lifestyles can have an impact on what happens to our bodies nd increase our risk of developing the disease but it is the genetic changes in cell structure which ultimately cause the mutations etc which cause cancer.  Hope things start to look better for you;  all I can say is it will and you will move on, get better and life the rest of your life acknowledging how wonderful life is and not take it for granted, something which I think we are all guilty of.  Take care. 

Hi kmb

I can relate to your post. I had never worried very much about bc as not a smoker or drinker, breastfed my kids, no family history, not overweight etc . Therefore a huge shock to be told I had breast cancer – wondered why I was the one to get it and not others who seemed to be so much less careful of their health. One thing that helps me is thinking – at least I may have slowed down the cancer with all the good things I have done – maybe If I was a heavy drinker  for example, I would have had it sooner. 

It’s easy to get the message from the newspaper stories that it’s somehow the patient’s fault if they get cancer for not looking after their health, but some of the risk factors are outside our control (like being tall or starting periods early and having a late menopause.)

It certainly is an emotional rollercoaster, but I reckon that having been careful with your health (eg not a heavy drinker) means you are wearing a safety belt and have a much better chance of reaching the end of the ride! Hope this makes sense to you.

Best wishes for your operation on the 19th. I hope all goes as well as possible.