Hi - I’m posting this on behalf of my mum - she’s 67 - recently diagnosed with breast cancer and is having a very difficult time dealing with it all - who wouldn’t? Mum has had a lumpectomy and lymph node disection (3 positive nodes)and has been offered chemo. FEC or TAC - she has to decide. Obviously she’s very scared and just can’t imagine how it will all feel. At 67 she feels her body isn’t up to it and hair loss is a very very major issue. Mum doesn’t want to talk to anyone in person or on the telephone - so any words of encouragement or advice would be gratefully received. Thanks
I am so sorry your mum is having to go through this. I’m not sure if this is any help, but last year my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer, and had 6 courses of Tax before his surgery. He was 77 at the time, and in generally good health - he sailed through chemo with very few problems, and although his hair thinned, he didn’t lose it (different for a man I know).
Chemo can be hard, and I know it was easier for my dad because he had my mother to look after him, and he didn’t really have to do anything other than get through it. You don’t say what support your mum has, or what her general health is, but it is certainly doable. Also, chemo can be given in lower weekly doses if necessary - of fewer than the regular 6 if the patient isn’t coping.
There is athread on this forum for older ladies with bc - maybe some of them will be along soon to encourage you that it can be done.
Finty x
Hi,
My mum had chemo at 67 and although she lost her hair and had times of feeling a bit sick, she got through it and then was able to have a mastectomy and radiotherapy and 8 years on is ok. My dad looked after her with help from friends and family but he was an unexpected star. Mum had the attitude she would get through it and beat it.
5 years later, almost to the day, I was diagnosed and had a similar treatment regime although I had more doses of chemo and they were stronger. I felt awful for mum and especially dad having to see me go through it and although I unfortunately have spread to my bones, I feel fine and have enjoyed having extra time with my parents.
I wore those anti-seasickness wristbands during all my chemo and never felt sick so was able to eat like a pig and I’m sure this helped. They are about £7 at Boots/Superdrug etc. OK it wasn’t a walk in the park but I was determined to make it.
Being scared is an inevitable part of the disease I’m afraid but once it’s underway, you get on with it.
Good luck to you all in dealing with things.
Liz
Hi, Sorry to hear what your Mum’s up against, it sounds like you will be there for her which is good.
I would like to add i’m 43 yrs old, and hearing all the horror stories of Chemo I was petrified, but I have to be honest with the back up of medication it really isn’t that bad… There was a lady on my chemo day who was 82 yrs old, I was the youngest there.
The next age was 57yrs old, we use to sit and exchange recipes, make cakes and take in, one lady used to bring her MP3 player, etc…
The SE can mostly be controlled by meds, my advice is just make sure your Mum eats well NOW… Start a good eating regime this will help as some days you really don’t feel like eating whilst on Chemo, all your food tastes different, so if possible a little extra weight might help…
Maybe if you can also introduce your Mum to the forum it will help her too, i’m sure, Even if you sat down together and read through some of the posts…
Thinking of you and your Mum, Love Teresa x
Hi,
So sorry about your mum. I had chemo when I was 62, almost 4 years ago now, and I sympathise with your mum as waiting for it to start is very frightening, but the chemo nurses are lovely and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I lost all my hair and yes, that was a bad part but it grew back again thick and curly. It is now in very good condition and wavy. Also, the national health wigs are amazing, they don’t look like wigs at all. People who didn’t know that I was wearing a wig said how much they preferred my new short haircut!!
I too was given the choice whether to have chemo or not but for me, I wanted to have the very best chance of beating this awful disease. All the side effects seem to be temporary And you have help all the way with them.
Four years on and I don’t regret for a minute the choice I made and would go for it again if I had to. Hope this post helps a bit.
Love and hugs to your mum. xx
Hi
I have just posted a long message to Chelie on her recent thread about her mother;"Mum just diagnosed ’ - maybe some of it may be helpful to you and your mother.
I was 66 when I had 3 FEc and 3x Tax; it wasn’t much fun but I don’t think it was any worse for me than for the younger women.
I’m afraid I had rather bad luck with my hair- it hasn’t grown back at all satisfactorily -2 years on- but I know I am the exception: everyone else’s hair grows back…and on the plus side, my friends and family have been known to comment that my wig looks better than my own hair did!
Hi There, My Mum is also 67 and was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma on the 4th November, so our journey just beginning. I understand how you feel, I am also in the same position Mum very scared and not looking forward to her appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday 16th November (Tomorrow).
Mum does not want to talk to anyone about this only that the doctors have found something and does not use the word Cancer at all, I do get that, and even though she is Mum I am so worried about her in all sorts of ways, what she must be thinking and how she is when we are not together. I have a family a husband and a 15 year old, he is autistic and times can be difficult, although we are all strong together. My brother is close by too, his family alot younger than mine and my nieces are only 6, 4 and 7months, so too young to know whats going on, so we have to keep alot of our conversations limited, but they are lovely children. They adore their Nanny and that is what keeps her going.
I have told Mum, that we are all new to this and we will go through it all together and she won’t be alone. Although I understand she has the diagnosis, we have to try and be positive. The Surgeon we meet tomorrow, will give us her treatment plan and the journey begins. Mum is scared and very frightened and we have had loss in our family from cancer both my Mum’s Mum (Nan) and Aunty both died of Cancer and my nan was the same age as my Mum is now, when she died in 1989, so she has all that going on in her head at the moment.
I wish you and your family and of course your Mum all the very best with her treatment and please contact me on Facebook if you have an account or on here again, if you like. Thinking of you all. Lots of Hugs
God Bless Michele x x x
Dear Ennazu,
I feel for you and your Mum and the whole family at this time, it is always the worst bit before each new bit, diagnosis, surgery and now chemo.
I am 65 on chemo now after mastectomy and axillary clearance, and even though I’m tired and a bit sorry for myself today, I can honestly say that chemo is not nearly as bad as I feared. The oncologist took some time deciding on chemo because of other health problems,but he is pleased with how well I am now. He has given me Aloxi for nausea which is absolutely brilliant- causes constipation but that is sortable. I am also on white cell stimulating injections, don’t like them but I like the feeling of increased resistance to infection they give me. I am tired sometimes and not tired sometimes. The chemo team really listen to what side effects everyone has and try to counteract them.
The hair loss bit is difficult. I decided I could accept it, knew I would cry when it happened and yes I did, quietly in the shower so my OH didn’t hear. For a couple of minutes. And after that it wasn’t quite so bad. I don’t really like my wig that much, no matter how great other people say it is, it makes me look older and as if I have been to an old ladies’ hairdresser. But other people really don’t see it as wiggy, and I know I look normal with it, just not “my” normal.
Having a concerned daughter will make all the difference to your Mum in all this, particularly the looks and wig/hat business. Try and get her booked on a Look Good, Feel Better session, as a friend did for me. Especially is she doesn’t like talking about it all, just being with other women of different ages dealing with cancer, with makeup and a fabulous goodie bag helps! People didn’t talk about cancer or chemo that much just how they dealt with hair loss and it helped me to feel braver about the wig.
I wear hats most of the time at home and feel fine about that. Gradually going to oncology clinics and seeing other people with hair loss and their bandanas or scarves helps you not to feel alone. And not feeling alone is half the battle.
Trawl through the “Top tips for coping with chemo” thread for advice on how to support your Mum, noting that not everyone gets everything!
And the best thing your Mum has got in all of this is probably you!
HI
Just wanted to say I am 44 & have BC but my sister’s mother in law had ovarian cancer at 79 last year - she had 6 chemo sessions pre surgery to shrink the tumour - has had surgery & is now just starting on 3 sessions post surgery. she had fab meds to helps with all the SEs & everyone here whatever the age says it is not nearly as bad as you think (I am starting in a few weeks chemo) - yes the hair loss is sad but again I think it’s all bearable if you think what it means - the hope of a good rest of life once treatment is over. 67 is still relatively young these days when the average life is something like 83 so try to reassure her & encourage her to take whatever treatment is offered. If they didn’t think it was worth it or would make a difference they wouldn’t offer it - this is the NHS after all!!!
XXjoXXXXXX
I was 62[now 66] when I had 4x fec and 4x tax and yes it is hard but so worth it.It makes you very very tired and sometimes sick/nauseous but it passes-just listen to your body and rest as much as you need [I often felt ‘welded’ to the bed].She can do it to give herself the best possible chance of living for many more years.
Just want to say thank you so so much to everyone who has posted a reply - really helpful and supportive - it’s lifted my spirits and just hpoing it will do the same for my mum. Big thank you xx
Hi
I had chemo (3FEC+3TAX) last year when I was 61. My cancer was hormone negative so I didn’t have any other treatment option but I was scared before I started as there is simply no way of knowing how you will react until you actually have it.
Yes I did have some side effects, mainly nausea and a sore mouth, but between meds from the chemo nurses and reading tips on this forum I got through it. I got into a sort of routine - the first week after chemo I didn’t plan much as I didn’t feel so good, the next week was better and the 3rd week was busy. From reading on this site I felt that my body was coping the same as younger women.
This time last year I didn’t have hair - I was a wig person. Now I have thicker hair than I started with.
Chemo wasn’t pleasant but now there is no evidence of disease, I feel well and I’m about to go on holiday so it was worth it.
Best wishes to you and your mum.
Joss