Ebim - is it your final tax tomorrow? If it is…hope all goes well.
I’m plodding along OK - I feel at a different stage now to many of you who are feeling the uncertainty of moving on, as I’m still in the thick of it! I have a review with my oncologist prior to chemo number 7 next week and I suppose people will start talking to me about surgery soon. I haven’t even really thought about surgery, what it means or how it will affect me. I’ve gone into shutdown I think - I’ve stopped thinking about ‘the future’…my future, and seem to be immersed in the now, living from one hospital appointment to another, and focussing instead on my various ailments and current limitations/capabilities.
I totally relate to not recognising myself anymore. I feel like a patient! A sick person. When it was my wedding anniversary last week, I looked through my wedding album and cried for the happy, carefree, beautiful young woman I once was as I don’t feel I will ever be that way again.
Robin, I’ve been using the hirdoid gel for nearly 2 weeks now and if there has been any improvement, it’s minimal. The furrows are less marked, but the dark veins are still dark and the pain/discomfort is the same. I think it’s a long haul, but maybe egg, beedot or suze can advise as they’ve been using it for longer than me.
X
Thanks Blue for hirodoid advice. I think my arm is getting slightly better.
How are we all today?
Today is a milestone as for me it marks my official end of chemo. It is three weeks since my last dose, eighteen weeks since my chemo journey began on Jan 4th . However the persistence of tax side effects slightly spoils the party. Hopefully with no new top up of chemo drugs those side effects do eventually recede.
Good luck to everyone whatever stage of the journey you are on. We must be gentle on ourselves and very patient!
R x
Dear All
Good to hear your updates. Am at the hospital today having bloods and seeing dr to see if paclitaxol can go ahead tomorrow. So far it has not been nearly as bad as the docetaxol although I am feeling tired now.
Blue - like you I have still a long way to go - all being well will finish at end of June, and don’t even know what surgery will be yet, or treatment with hormones after that. I guess it all depends on the outcome of chemo. I also feel I have become “a patient” and a bit institutionalised - my hubby was laughing at me the other day because I was looking around for the lunch trolley on the chemo ward saying it was late! Kids are also starting to get fed up of the disruption the chemo causes. Have had to miss lots of school things because they have clashed with appointments. But keeping telling myself nearly there with the chemo. Then I guess it moves into something else but we will all just deal with it.
I have booked onto a LGFB course in a couple of weeks - ha anyone else done that? By then I will have zero eyelashes as they are falling out at an alarming rate!
Jackie I hope you are feeling better now and side effects are starting to disappear?
Hugs to all who are doing treatment this week.
Egg x
Ebim I think your last treatment is today so I hope it goes well and happy birthday for tomorrow!
Egg x
Egg you will love the LGFB course. Everyone is kind and supportive and you get great products to take home. Let me know what their advice is re zero eyelashes! I still had lashes when I went but they’ve gone now.
Ebim happy birthday and good luck for treatment!
R x
Egg, I really enjoyed the LGFB session. The volunteers were so kind and gentle and I particularly liked being with other women with cancer - for those couple of hours, I felt normal and in the majority rather than being the token friend/family member with cancer. The tips were helpful and the goodie bag amazing!
Robin, when I changed from Tax to EC, the tax side effects started to go quite quickly - probably after a week or two (4-5 weeks after last tax) my twitchy eye went, my toenails stopped hurting and the fatigue started to ease. The heavy legs and the battle with hills also eased and I’m now 2 months on from my last tax and I’d say pretty much all the effects have gone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still tired as I’m still having EC, but it’s nothing like it was on tax.
X
Well done Ebim on crossing finishing line. Another finisher - hurrah! And again happy birthday for tomorrow. Enjoy the stetoid energy while it lasts. Our hair doesn’t unfortunately spring back - well mine hasn’t - but I keep reminding myself to be patient…
Yes this is a great forum and reading posts on here has been one of the few good things to come out of all this. (Free make up being another!) R x
Happy birthday Ebim!
X
Happy Birthday Ebim!
And well done for passing the chemo finishing line! X
Suze, that’s very funny. The goddess bit, not your poor nails falling off.
I know what you mean about how slowly things heal. Pre chemo, if I had a scratch or something it would heal in hours, a day at the most. Now, with no wbc, that same scratch will hang around for weeks. Frustrating!
R x
Morning Ladies
A belated happy birthday to Ebim and Suze… Hope you both had a lovely day and just think you when you celebrate the next one this will all feel like a distant memory 
Ebim, well done also for crossing the chemo finishing line. I am now day 12 after final tax. The week following it was tough both physically and emotionally but the side effects are now lifting, the realisation of no more chemo is starting to feel real and I am feeling much more positive.
I am completely paranoid about my nails, they still seem okay but I can’t stop slapping on hand cream every time I walk past the kitchen cupboard where it is kept! My eyebrows are thin but not completely gone and my head is covered in a soft layer of fuzz!
I know it will take time and patience but I am looking forward to my body slowly recovering from this ordeal.
Blue and Egg am sending you lots of hugs as you continue through treatment, we will be with you till the end.
Nicky x
Dear All
Good to see people checking in. Have been lying low over the weekend to see how things go with the new weekly treatment. So far much more bearable for me than docetaxol and my white cells held up after the last one so that was good news! 7 more weeks to go!
Jackie glad that The BOBs have settled. Ebim I’m glad you were able to have your birthday on a steroid high!
Although I’m still a while away from finishing treatment I echo your sentiments about mood being flat. I had a low point over the weekend but then thought to myself that it actually has been a b****y hard 6months for us all and it’s understandable that we don’t feel like jumping up and down and saying hooray even though chemo has finished for lots of you. I think we would be robots if we didn’t feel down now and again. For me this thread really has been a huge support as everyone on here understands what I (and everyone else on here) is going through. When I tell Friends or family that I am tired I don’t think they really get it - but you all do!!
Lots of you must be about to start radio - have you had assessments yet for this?
Big hugs to all,
egg xx
Hi everyone, just checking in for the group hug, well done Ebim for getting the thread going again.
I am day 14 of tax 2 and it has been better than tax 1 but the SE’s seem to hang around longer than FEC. I have angry rashes on my hands, the latest areas looking like burns, and my nails/fingertips have been really tender, they feel like I have been digging or scraping at something.
Blue /Robin/Suze- I hope your arms are improving. I find that mine doesn’t hurt now when I fully stretch it although the furrow is still visible. I have only used about half a tube of hirudoid so I don’t know what the improvement is due to.
Jackie - my hair has reappeared as a peach fuzz about 1mm long so far and is matching yours for colour, it’s showing no sign of ever being blonde again without assistance. I went to a support group evening at the hospital last week and there were some ladies showing me photos of their hair regrowth progress and one came out for the first time without a scarf - she finished chemo in January and it was about 1/2" long and really thick, she was so proud of it! By 6 months others had a proper hair style. They were also showing me their RT tattoos and assuring me that RT is a doddle after chemo.
It may be premature but I have found myself starting to plan ahead and booking things for once my treatment is finished, wouldn’t it be lovely to get some normality back, let’s hope we can all do that soon. January feels a long time ago now and we are neatly done with chemo!
hugs Beedot X
Group hug!! ?
Evening lovely ones! Just checking in to say hi!
Totally agree re the flat feeling and absolutely been a tough 6 months…, also it’s funny how people don’t understand tired the way we do. I have trouble describing my foggy head…
I had to miss my chemo last week as my neuts were too low and although they’d been at 0.8 a few times before, the onc decided it was potentially too dangerous at this point in the treatment. I was disappointed but to be honest, I was also so happy to have a week “off”. Last chemo (8/12 weekly) hit me much harder and it was nice to have a weekend where I could concentrate on conversations etc. I’d forgotten what normal felt like to some extent. Like waking up the day after the hangover from hell!
Anyway, the other thing I wanted to share was my hair!! Yes, actual hair! About a centimetre - really thick except for above my forehead which is a bit sporadic and fuzzy. The rest is pinchable and super soft, similar to my original colour. I can’t stop touching it! I no longer look like I have cancer (well, except the lack of eyebrows). I mean, I by no means look good - a bit like a skinhead - but I can now wear a cap - yay!! Oh it’s the little things on this journey…
Egg - are you finding hair regrowth is underway now that you’re on the weekly? Good luck with your spot today.
I’m booking my MRI scan soon too. Any other ladies pre-surgery due to get scanned? I’d almost forgotten the horrible feeling of awaiting results…
Big group hug to you all and belated birthday hugs to Ebim and Suze xxxx
*That was meant to read “good luck with your appt today” - not spot! oops - no more bobs on this board I hope! ?
Hi everybody!
I’m currently laying in bed with a cup of tea, listening to the rain. I’ve been a bit miserable this last few days so havent posted. I have continued to work throughout chemo, going in for a day at the end of week 2 and working 2-3 days in week 3, but this cycle I have had to make the decision not to go in anymore. And it has really upset me! I enjoyed being at work, the distraction from my own problems, not thinking about cancer and being ‘normal’ for a few days. But this cycle has hit me harder. I’m so tired, falling asleep sitting up on the sofa! I look ill now too (I know, very shallow but I have been able to make myself look like myself up til now but since changing to EC, more hair has fallen out and I can’t cover up my bald spots (cold capping still), my face is puffy, my eyes swollen and watery, I have bruises under my eyes…!). But the main problem is the brain fog. I’m finding it difficult to converse, I keep forgetting what I’m saying and can’t find the words and I’m finding it all so upsetting as I feel like the cancer and the treatment side effects are winning at the moment.
Also, I found out that chemo this week - number 7 for me - will be my last! My MRI has shown only slight response and so my oncologist doesn’t think it’s worth having the 8th. Whilst I’m pleased that chemo will be over with on Friday, I’m worried about what it all means. If my lump hasn’t responded that well (I’ve had a 30% reduction overall), and I still have active cancer cells in my breast and axilla when they are removed, does that mean they could potentially still be circulating in my body and waiting somewhere to set up home again? I feel so scared right now.
Sorry for the downer…
Dear Blue
I’m sorry you’re feeling down. Understandably you are worried, but have you seen your surgeon yet or spoken to them? they might be able to reassure you. I can’t remember your type of tumour (sorry chemo brain fog has really descended on me) but I recently asked my onc about zoledronic acid to reduce risk of recurrence in bones and he said it was possible to get into a trial once I had finished with chemo - might it be worth speaking to your onc about this? There is also something called the Add Aspirin trial which he mentioned which again is about reducing recurrence. My onc had also said to me that the MRI or scans are good but it’s only really at surgery that they find out whether the chemo has really done its job or not. So don’t get disheartened. Do you have a date for surgery yet?
Big hugs
Eggx
Group hug! Belated happy birthday Ebim and Suze. Hope the SE"s were kind. Jackie pleased Bob’s sorted, and you have hair.So jealous.
Still feeling very flat and tearful at times. 14 days post Final tax and eyes still sore and streaming and tired and a bit weepy. Think it’s the thought of moving out of our house and having found nowhere we like to move to. Am trying to cull my wardrobe and throwing out so much stuff that I’ve grown out of. Don’t think I will be size 10/12 again!
Start Letrozole soon, and radiotherapy on June 1st. Oh joy!
Love and Hugs to all.
Mooney xx