Dear all, feel so awful today, really depressed. I started my chemo late Jan for triple negative breast cancer. since then I have had ongoing kidney pain/problems and saw a consultant yesterday who wants to do exploratory op and stretch of neck of bladder on Tuesday and so I cannot have chemo again until this is sorted. So worried i have kidney or bladder cancer too or even some kidney damage. So scared I will not be able to complete chemo for BC. So fed up. IMy lovely partner died last June suddenly and feel i cannot take any more. Feel shaky, scared and alone. My adult kids have enough on and I am so upset to put more worry on them. I wonder how much more my mind and bod can take
Just wanted to offload, can’t even cry I feel so beaten, Sue
I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time. Do give our helpline a call to talk things over. They are open from 9-5 on weekdays and 10-2 on Saturdays. The number is 0808 800 6000
Hi Sue
So sorry to hear you feeling so down. Please try and ring the helpline, I called the other day as I just didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t think it would help but it did. You are not alone, we are all here for you. I’m sure you are trying to convince yourself the same but it may be completely unrelated. We are allowed to be poorly with other things. Even if it is linked its better you know so they can treat you effectively. You are having a dreadful time following your loss and I am so sorry. Is there anyone at home you can talk to? Your kids would much rather know than not, just as you would for them.
I’m thinking of you, please keep posting.
Love, Caroline xxx
Hello again Sue, my very first Chemo was delayed as I was not well enough. I really wanted to get started but it was a firm no from the Oncologist. She said lots of people have their Chemo delayed and it was better in the long run. I was upset but knew she was right. Now on course and 2’nd treatment tomorrow. You will get through this, even if it dosnt seem so at the moment xxx thinking of you x
Catherine
Pleased you feel a bit more positive, Sue. I too hate all this. Some days I almost feel semi normal (whatever that is!) and other days I sob and hug the duvet too to the point where I cant see the future at all. I feel like you can listen to so many people giving you great recovery statistics but then other times I think but what if that’s not me, we are all different?
I can imagine your daughter being so supportive tugged at your heart. Mine are younger but every time one of them says I love you, Mum or gives me a hug my heart aches that they are going through this too. Gosh sorry, I’m meant to be cheering you up! What I’m trying to say in my hamfisted way is you aren’t alone and although we are all different I’m sure at times we are all feeling the same aching emotions. They have referred me to a psychologist. I wanted to say well that wont help unless shes got a crystal ball and can tell me I ll be lying on a tropical beach somewhere in 5 years time healthy and happy and my kids next to me! I didnt, i just accepted graciously and realised I must try to stop crying everytime I walk in the oncologists office!
I really hope you have a better day tomorrow, Sue. Write this morning off, it’s gone. Tomorrow may be better
Very best of luck for tomorrow Catherine. I really hope it goes as well as it can and you don’t feel too unwell afterwards. Urgh the thought of treatment at the minute makes me feel so sick hopefully I ll feel better when the next comes around xxx
Wise words, Alice. I try very hard to be like that but sometimes it just hits me so hard it takes my breath away. I think I’m getting better at recovering though and it seems to be happening less often.
Really hope you have had a better day, Sue. I’ve been thinking about you. Hope you have a positive weekend
Love Caroline xxx
I second that Caz, hope you all have a lovely weekend. Ive locked myself in bedroom. Had Chemo yesterday and just want to relax.
Alice- never forget that you are not alone- we are all here for you each and every day, family support is wonderful, but all of us here know how we feel and understand whereas sometimes our loved ones find it hard.
Hope you are feeling better Sue xx
