Lily, that’s a huge help, thanks.
I’m sure it will be fine when it comes to it, it’s just the fear…
Roll on tomorrow and good luck and hugs to all the others going through it this week.
Caron x
Jaydeek and Caron
I was diagnosed on 15/05 and had my 1st FEC on 28/05 - i was so keen to get started that i didn’t give having chemo a second thought - i was more worried and still am about the hair loss. I have used the cold cap and will continue in the hope to be in the 20% that keep their hair. I also had an appt with the oncologist the morning of 1st chemo to give results of bone scan and was terrified that they would tell me i had secondries.
The infusion of drugs is fine - no pain/sickness throughout. They can use a very small cannula which you barely feel being inserted - my chemo nurse used a yellow one which is a size generally reserved for children but is plenty big enough to infuse the drugs. They offered me a permanent line to avoid having line inserted on each visit but i declined - my rationale was 1. it would be a source for infection and 2. i don’t look at my rt breast even in the shower/bath - (difficult task but manageable 
) so i didn’t want something else on my body to remind me of treatment. I was not expecting to be sick the 1st night as onc said it was usually days 2/3 - but i was - i was tired and nauseus for the 1st 4 days after and truly expected the tiredness to continue after nausea went - well TG from day 5 on i have felt remarkably normal and as hair hasn’t started to fall out yet i don’t feel any different to my usual self. I really like the school of thought that if its making me feel so rubbish it must be giving those cancer cells a big eviction notice from my body
So best of luck tomorrow girls - its the start of t road to recovery -
Maria x
I really want to thank you for all your advice, support and care on here, it really has helped me to galvanise my will into action. Something else happened this afternoon with friends, and I’ll relate it here as it might help others.
This morning a good friend reminded me that its probably worse for someone as independant and strongwilled (her words!) as me to surrender control - thats all my dream was telling me. She was dead right, I am as stubborn as hell and I don’t respond well to having “no” choice. Another friend then gave me an image which has enabled me to completely take control of this choice and make it mine.
She said, “perhaps you could think of the chemo as them putting lots of tiny extra Caron’s into you, all of them fired up and ready to find & beat the living daylights out of the cancer cells. Then, when they’ve finished, they’ll all be ready to have a party with you!”
I thought that was a wonderful image, and it has really helped me assert this as *my* choice. All those little molecules of drug are now mini-mes with swords yelling that it is *my* sodding life and those cancer cells aren’t getting in the way of me living it 
I feel I can now march in there tomorrow (probably with weak knees anyway lol), and just do it.
Retail therapy this afternoon has been fab and I now have the following essentials for my arsenal:
Baby shampoo and hairbrush for when my scalp and hair get sore and before my hair falls out
Moisturisers for body, hands, feet and cuticles for when my skin dries out
Lip balm for when my mouth gets sore
Travel bands for nausea
High factor roll on sun cream
False eyelashes and eyebrows for when mine fall out
Nail files, nail varnish remover and nail varnish because apparently your nails crack
Ginger beer, ginger biscuits for nausea
Kiwi fruit, pineapple juice and orange juice for sore mouth
Broccoli and steak for red blood cells
Ice lollies of various kinds to soothe my mouth
This season’s Doctor Who to watch on computer while having chemo
A sense of humour
What I won’t need:
Defoliating products of various kinds
Shampoo and conditioner
Caron
Well done with shopping list! I too am very strong willed - and have found the sense of humour wardens off the public sympathy looks which - although well intentioned - i find utterly intolerable - I hope your chemo nurse tomorrow is a efficient and intuitive as mine - Tesco finest ginger biscuits with ginger bits was gt with cup of tea for nausea - didn’t get rid of it but was comforting.
Again good luck - onwards and upwards
Maria x
Maria,
I know what you mean about those sympathy looks… and “the voice” when they ask “How are you?”. Yeuch! What I find hard is being allowed to carry on as normal without thinking about it. All everyone thinks when they see you is “alert cancer victim!” and they never let you talk about anything else :-S
I was diagnosed the same day as you btw - you got into chemo damned fast (and I thought mine was quick), I had surgery for the portacath the day after your chemo started…
Ah well, onwards and upwards, I’m off out now to see Sex and the City, I could do with a laugh
Cx
Caron
going to see sex and the city next fri - looking forward to it - enjoy.
i know totally what you mean about conversations being dominated by the situation - i actually got worried that maybe i wasn’t dealing with it - or accepting it as everyone around me is in a state of shock - i began to think “hang on a minute is this more serious than i thought?” I am 36 - 34A bra size, never been overweight, no kids, no family hx and no long periods on the pill so i can understand being shocked at that - i myself did feel it a little unjust that i got BC but just have to get on with it. Of course i have had the odd cry - esp telling my older brother as he went to pieces on me and i got upset at him being upset. I have actually turned around and said to people “I don’t want to talk about it anymore - its boring me to tears!” And jesus - when they come out with “my autie/friend of my mothers etc had it and they are fine” i just want to scream - esp when they are putting me in the bracket of women who are 20+yrs my senior - (i have also been told that ever having children may not be a possibility which was obviously upsetting but have decided thats another days worry and doesn’t need to be dealt with at the moment)
anyway will watch out for you post chemo no. 1 - put it on the calender and stroke thro it tom night
Mx
P.S to any woman who reads the above who is 20+ yrs my senior i am not suggesting it is any less of a trauma - i just am very aware that other than side effects of treatment and actual treatment that we are all individual and for a non BC person to suggest that i will be the same as somebody they have been acquainted with is annoying.
Mx
Hi All
Just want to wish all that are having/starting treatment this week all the best. The first time is nerve wrecking but it is not as bad as you think it will be.
I have done 3 FEC and due to start 3 x TAX 17.6.08
Take care
Anita xxx
Hi Jaydeek,
I had my first epi last friday, and I was so not wanting to be there… But, it was really ok, the nurses were lovely and calmly explained everything they were doing and told me I could stop them at any time so I didn’t feel overwhelmed or out of control at all. I felt Ok afterwards and am still ok two days later - just a little spacey due to the steroids and a bit tired. I reiterate the advice of the wise ladies above me - take all the pills they give you (they have worked for me), drink, drink and drink again and, most importantly - DON"T FORGET THE PRUNES!!
So, phase 1 for me is 1 down, 3 to go… Good luck to everyone having treatment this week - at least it will be one more knocked off your schedules.
Lx
Maria,
I had the same thing with my family. My brothers and Dad were in tears, my sister and Mum said “what do you need?” Well at least it sorted out the men from the boys 
I’ve also asked people to stop talking about it, especially when they say things like “My mum had 13 years until it came back again”. Great, so she thinks I’m going to live until I’m 56. Marvellous!
I think we’ve all gone through the “it’s not fair” thing. My beef was because I’ve already had a serious burns accident where I was in hospital for 2 months, as well as back surgery and an ectopic pregnancy… I just felt “What next? Heart disease?” That history has been good for one thing though - I’m definitely used to scars. Today I went out in a cami top, with steri strips over the portacath wound and my underarm and WLE scars showing. I just thought “sod it, it’s hot!”
The film was great, and I could forget about BC for a whole evening - I’d recommend it to anyone
Good luck everyone, tomorrow will soon be crossed off for us all.
Cx
Hi
Going to see sex and the city tomorrow with my daughter to make the most of my last day before dose 2 of epi, just got to nip into the local hospital to get my bloods done. Glad the film is good although a little concerned that someone told me it is not a film you want to take your daughter to? She is 20 shortly so what she doesn’t know now, she should! Well I am just going to enjoy it and eat sweets all the way through it.
Good luck to everyone this week, just think about one day at a time and do what your body wants, usually sleep.
Lily x
Ok girls, how did it go? Mine was a breeze - I don’t know what I was worried about I played gin rummy with my OH and was looked after from start to finish. The nurses were great!
The only side effect I have this evening is a little light headedness (actually I feel tipsy) which can happen from the C drug in FEC (can’t remember the name and can’t be bothered to look it up).
1 down, 5 to go!
Cx
Caron
well done for getting the first one over, take it easy for a few days as it travels about your system. Don’t be fooled into thinking you are fine and don’t need the tablets!! They are probably doing a good job behind the scenes. Really pleased you are ok so far.
Lily
Caron - thats fantastic - take it easy as lily suggests as its weird how the next few days evolve. I didn’t feel tipsy from it - talk about a “brucie bonus”!! (Note to self - ask for G+T to be added on the 18th!) Anyway glad it all went ok. lily hope you got to see sex and the city and that it wasn’t too much of an eyeopener for your 20yo - but didn’t we all pretend to be shocked in front of our parents? actually think i still do
Mx
Hi
I also had my first FEC yesterday am now feeling hungover without having the booze first. Not as bad as I expected but was there for over six hours.
Babs
Finally starting chemo tomorrow.Was a wee bit nippy with staff today as I still haven’t received any paperwork re appointments etc and don’t think I would have done if I hadn’t phoned every day for a week.Anyway,contrary to everyone else I’ve bee physically fine since dx,but have started to throw up tonight.I hope this means I don’t get sick tomorrow as logically I shold have an empty stomach Perhaps it’s all the virtual bevy at the DDI(have you all checked out the virtual pub on chit chat and fun thread?}.Oh well,I’ll just have to see how it goes.Have only ever been nauseous during pregnancy.
Have noted all the required goodies and am well prepared.I’m especially interested in how everyone’s hair is coping as I’ve had to cancel my wig appointment as it’s supposed to be tomorrow.Will look out hats meantime.
Good luck everyone for the coming week.
Tricia
xxx
Hi Tricia,
How did it go? My hair is holding on brilliantly, aside from a sore scalp, there is no sign of it going yet. I’m sure that as I’ve said that it will start to come out in clumps, but what the hey lol. Am off to see about a wig now anyway, I’m sure one will be found that is fun
Hope everyone’s doing great,
Caron x
Hi
Saw sex and the city and had a great last day before epi number 2 on Tuesday. It went well but after sitting for 3 hours with the cold cap on really upset when my hair took a major hit 2 days later. It timed just with my weepy bit so been feeling a bit too sorry for myself. Just starting to turn it around tonight. I don’t know why I am moaning, no sickness, no pain, I think it gets in my head for a day ot two each time. Does this happen to anyone else?
OOh I am so looking forward to my jolly, enjoy eating days that come next.
take care everyone and enjoy those good days, and if a bit pooo just now , better days are on their way.
Lily x
Hi Caron,
I’ve sort of forgotten what threads I was on as I forgot to bookmark them Doh!..My chemo was a doddle as my mum was allowed in with me for the first one.I felt like I was 5 instead of 50 as she kept answering for me. However,I’ve been a bit sicky ever since.Can’t wait for the hungry days so that I can enjoy someting nice to eat.Cold cap no problem at all.Going for my wig on Tuesday just in case anyway!
I hope you are all well!
Tricia
xxx
Hey Caron glad to see you back - how did you go after tues? - i’m having no.2 on Wed so expecting to feel rubbish for a few days but will be glad to be moving on in tx. I tried wigs on but think i will probably do scarfs for most part and wigs for going out at night etc. as wig will look too false at work as won’t be able to tie it up properly.
Lily i had a spell in the 2nd week where i felt if anyone said “boo” to me i would have cried - and as a friend pointed out i am more likely to get more feisty when i’m tired usually so must be the effect of the chemicals on our body. It makes sense though when your body takes such a big insult that you are not going to be in top form all the time - you just have to remind yourself that the feelings are temporary - just like this phase of our lives - its temporary. Its not a crime to feel a bit sorry for yourself now and then - and your jolly eating everything days will be here sooner than you think.
Mx