HI
been on tamoxifen for 2 years, 3 weeks ago started to get numb feet and legs while sitting also whilst walking. Does anyone else have these symptoms, beginning to worry me now.
Libby x
Just a reminder at the start of this thread i mentioned a book called ‘‘100 questions and answers about breast cancer, sensuality, sexuality and Intimacy ISBN 978-0-7637-7909-2’’. Its an american publication but has some great info, i found some great facts in this book. One is if you stop having any sexual intimacy because of the soreness etc, you stop blood flow to that area , which in turn causes you to be sore when you do and in turn you go round and round in circles get increasing frustrated and sore( does that make sense?)its aimed at same sex couples and mixed couples
rhian
Haven’t yet started on Tamoxifen but have had two chemo so am as bald as a coot. And I have to say I almost prayed that OH wouldn’t open his eyes and look at me this morning as I was “checking that things were working” because of how I feel about my appearance.
It was lovely, and yes, both our bits worked (he’s recently had heart surgery so you’ve got to check these things) but I still felt not particularly good about myself and admit to having a few tears in the pillow. How very silly of me.
Ohh choccie,
You’re such a feisty girl, can’t bear to think of you shedding a tear, but know just what you mean.
OH and me had a little loving before this last lot of surgery and although I haven’t yet got the baldness to contend with my boob is not very boob shaped anymore and I just felt v tearful and unattractive and sad.
Think we just have to accept there will be times like that and then no doubt there WILL be other laughter filled, raunchy, fun moments, even if you are both laughing at the absurdity of this ridiculous disease!
Take care
Wandyx
Well, managed to summon up some enthusiasum yesterday, Saturday knickers and all… Long story short: turns out OH would rather have three pints and a packet of crisps down the pub…
Part of me can’t blame him, a bald, bloated, lopsided panto dame of a wife to look at or the pretty young bar maid with her cleveage on show?..
Feel like hiding in a cupboard for the rest of my natural. Really upset.
Oh Peachez, how horrible. You don’t give the sequence of events, so I can’t offer any possible explanations. The only thing I can say is, sometimes they just need some ‘cancer free’ time. So do we, of course, but it is harder for us!! Perhaps he is better today, for a relaxing, stess-free, night with the boys? Maybe you could talk about it and tell him how you feel?
If not , feel free to ‘vent’ on here. We will make a virtual wax effigy of him, and stick pins in painful places…
Tracey
Xxxxxx
Peachez,
Don’t know what to say to make you feel better, cos you feel how you feel at the mo. But I know one thing for sure, you will not be looking like that panto dame!
Sometimes we just get our timings off, he feels like it, you don’t, you feel like it, he doesn’t…Its life. BC or no BC.
Maybe just try telling him how vulnerable you feel at the mo and how his wanting the pint rather than you really upset you, being a bloke he probably doesn’t even realise that it may have been a big deal for you, Saturday knickers and all!!
Do not hide in that cupboard!!
Love and (((Hugs)))
Wandyx
Peachez -
Was going to say ‘bum’ but don’t think this is appropriate.
I don’t think for one minute you will look like a panto dame or that he didn’t want you, they’re just not that good with understanding a woman! Only having the trimmed version of the story it’s difficult to know what to say.
I can only base it on my OH - i know he loves me but sometimes he doesn’t say or do what i need at that precise moment, when he realises this he’s mortified with himself but i can’t really blame him because:
1 - My moods change quicker than the weather (and without a handy forecast).
2 - he really doesn’t know how a woman thinks (like i don’t get walking around a field trying to push golf balls down holes and other ‘manly’ things).
3 - he doesn’t have cancer or chemo.
4 - he doesn’t have boobs and so no concept of what is being lost mentally.
My advice would be to not let it fester. If this was the first time you’d ‘made a move’ in a while he probably wasn’t expecting it - or was maybe too scared to make his own move in case he’d read the signs wrong and didn’t want to push his luck (so to speak)
You know you’re OH so you’ll know which one fits. There’s a ‘Cock to Rock’ gauge that was mentioned on the Woods thread I think, maybe he tipped towards the Cock end but he probably has no idea.
Now then - what are you still doing reading this?? Get those knickers back on and give him a another go!
Thanks to SCACO’s comment about a “cock to rock” gauge I Googled it - and blimey what an interesting set of results. I didn’t know such things existed outside of men’s mags! But it gave me a giggle.
Now got my fingers crossed that I’m in with a chance today, with OH returning from a week away on business. Weekend knickers on!
Oh, I need more coffee, or glasses because I completely read that last post wrong… more like: Fingers crossed that I’m in with a chance today with OH away for a week on business…
Sorry cheshirecheese!!! I was so intrigued… but v.v. glad that it is your OH back home for the weekend… good luck, hope the weekend knickers don’t stay in situ for very long…
Sophie xxx
Sophie, you nearly made me spill my tea! I count myself very lucky that my OH still fancies me, scars and all - the chances of finding someone else for a quickie while he was away would be extremely small! Not that I’d want to, but you know what I mean.
I think I may have confused weekend pants, with weekend rants. Have half a dozen kids in the house at the moment, I am counting the hours until Monday morning. Oh, no , wait, it’s the Easter holidays…
A house full of kids is always a great contraceptive, not to mention libido crusher. I wonder what else tamoxifen can add to that? Extinguish the last few glowing embers perhaps…
Thanks for all the support girls. Scaco you can always make me crack a smile!
We had a chat this morning and a gentle cuddle, been for a stroll in the sunshine too. He’s reassured me that he still fancies/loves me, but no ‘action’ as such - is it just me or do others find sometimes you just need that real connection and that sometimes only a good bonk does it??
Going to accept that we’re just out of tune at the mo. Ho Hum.
Thanks again, am out of the cupboard at least. xxxxxx
No, it’s not just you Peachez. I’m sure it will come. Excuse the pun,
Tracey x
Well, the dog barked at 7.30 this morning so we were both awake… had a laugh about me being like Mrs Potatoe Head, & one thing led to another. I’m feeling a good bit better now 
it doesn’t take away the ‘Panto Dame’ in the mirror though, I keep staring in the mirror willing furiously for fuzz to appear on my head. And I don’t like Hollywoods or Brazilians so apart from staying ‘tidy’ I’m never going near waxing once this is over, ever!
Do we ever get to feel ‘normal’ again ???
Oh God Peachez, I hope so. It is really, really wearing.
Glad you and the hubby got your mojo back. If I can stay awake longer than 8.10pm, I might follow your example.
Of course, apart from the panto dame look, I also have teenagers, who seem to be equipped with ‘sex radars.’ Ooooooh, disgusting! Yuck, get a room…Well, kids, we have one, and you’ve just barged into it!
What a great aphrodisiac - quick, you’ve got half an hour before ‘Glee’ is over, get on with it…
Sex?? I had completely forgotten what it was until the most mortifying thing happened… opened my ipad and happened to see that the last entry in google history was the word SEX… Now if you google just the word sex, the first hit to come up is a hard core porn website complete with video clips to watch… And we are talking full on graphic, make your eyes water kind of stuff…(thankfully i don’t have adobe flash player installed, phew)
Well, it wasn’t me who googled it, I know its been along while since i had any action but i’m not that desperate … yet!
OH?? Hmmmm doubtful…
Oh God, oh no, it wasn’t , was it??!!
Yep, my 8 yr old son decided he wanted to know what the word meant… well now he certainly knows. In fact he knows more than his mother does…
And i now feel like a dreadful irresponsible mother…
Oh my, teenagers! Have to check if she came in last night as to whether it’s ok to walk around naked ( before chemo )!! Now that youngest is off to Uni in Sept, Eldest wants to come back home after Graduating… Arrrgghh!!
SB, what a laugh! They’re going to find out somehow if they want to, probably scared himself and ran off without clearing the search. I remember putting on what I thought was a childrens video years ago, with the girls watching - to find my EX (soooo many reasons why he’s my EX…) had hidden his porn movie in the case instead - we’re talking blindfolds and unusual orrifices here… They survived and turned out pretty normal, so don’t worry!!
About six months after my mx I felt like I had come to terms with the dx and having one breast, I had spent time sorting out underwear/breast forms but the last hurdle was resuming our sex life. I decided to broach the subject with my OH and tried to explain how I felt. I told him I was finding it difficult to initiate sex with him (he wasn’t initiating it with me), was worried about “getting naked”, didn’t know what to do about the remaining breast - do we just ignore it? - etc etc. I got a bit upset and had a cry. He gave me a cuddle and said not to worry. A couple of months later we still hadn’t had sex so I brought the subject up with him. He looked a bit confused and said “Well, a few months ago you were talking about sex and you said you didn’t want to do it anymore and you got upset so I haven’t bothered”. Hello?? I think we must have been having two different conversations! The sex has never really resumed properly but I am putting it down to me being menopausal and my OH being stressed at work - I hope I am right!
On a lighter note, a month or so before my dx we had a naughty weekend in the lakes and I bought a peep hole bra. On the way home from one of our consultations after dx I said to my OH “I don’t suppose I will need my peep hole bra anymore” We got a bit silly and decided to sell it on ebay. Then we got sillier and started thinking how to advertise it, we decided on “Ann Summers black peep hole bra - used once”. For some reason we both found that hysterical and cried with laughter (or perhaps we just cried!) I never did sell it on ebay, I put it in a charity bag.
Love
Maude xx
Hi I finished my rads in jan and chemo in oct, Im on Tamoxifen and been haveing some vaginal dryness, last time we tried to have sex it was agony and I think it gave my oh a bit of a fright, now I feel he doesnt push it as he;s scared he hurts me, anyone got any good ideas? I know he loves me and thank goodnes still fancies me but just feel if we dont do it soon, it will never happen. is this length of time normal to wait?