I have been advised to have chemo in the next few weeks for my bc.
The drugs are going to be FEC and TAX…
My children are 5 and 19mths…Does anyone have any tips for going through chemo with little ones.
We do not have any family close by, and as i am relatively new to the area, i know only a few people.
I am really worried that we will struggle if i do not feel well…
I am going to get in touch with MacMillan tomorrow to see if they are able to offer any advice.
hi there
im a single mum of a 5 yr old
im due my 2nd fec on tues
i was quite poorly after the 1st and they are changing my meds for this time
luckily my mum is round the corner,although elderly she did do school runs and feed my lad tea
through the half term a few friends took him off for a bit too and i paid for holiday club
i would say you will need some back up but most people arnt as ill as i was lol
feel free to ask anymore questions
helen
I was dx almost 2 years ago when my kids were 7, 4 and 18 mnths.
I was fortunate i had local family but it got to the stage they were over all the time and it did my head in. after a few weeks i told them only to come over when i ask as my family life wasnt routine or normal for the kids. A local charity helped out with child care during holidays as well as macmillians.
I was off sick while i had chemo and after the first of each chemo you get to know what the symptoms are likely to be so you kind off plan around it. I knew when i was going to be bad and got hubby to stay at home on the bad days.
Also stocking up on freezing meals for the kids i.e spag bol/lazangna/etc was always helpful especially if you didnt feel cooking and i did this when i was well.
The school also helped out with kids clubs so its worth asking them aswell
Hi Naz
Mine were 4, 6 & 8 but like you I was new to the area as we had been living overseas and I didn’t have many local friends. I was very open about my diagnosis from the outset and I was bowled over by the supportive response from the other school mums, some I hardly knew. That was nearly 2 years ago now and many of them have become firm friends. Interestingly one friend commented only last week that at the time people found it really easy to offer help because I was so open about what was happening to me people weren’t uncomfortable about broaching the subject but also people knew I had limited support network so they never assumed ‘someone’ was helping me out, They always checked.
Everyone deals with this differently and you haven’t mentioned if you’ve told people or not. you can only do what is right for you but if it helps you to know this worked for me and I hope you find the same support.
Good Luck
xxx
Hi Naz,
Really sorry you have had to join us here on this site especially with such young children but I am sure you will get lots of support.
Everyones experience of chemo is different so it is hard to know how much back up you will need. I felt very tired after each session (and I think this is quite common) so would suggest you find someone to help with the children the day of the chemo and the next day (at the very least). Try and see if the school can offer any help or any of the Mum’s that you know. Be as prepared as you can be beforeyou start the chemo- stock up the freezer , get set up for shopping on line and get all your Christmas shopping done now (if you can afford to!). I also did a ‘deep clean’ of the house - found it quite a good way to cope with the stress.
Get as much rest as you can once the chemo starts - nap when you can. It will be tireing with two little children but in the end it is them , their needs and their love that will get you through it. cheers
caroline
I would echo the other responses about stocking the freezer and shopping online- I also did my Christmas shopping early when having Chemotherapy last year. It meant it was less to worry about when I felt ill, and I felt some sense of control, which was lacking generally! My two were 3 and 5 when I was dx in 2008. My family do not live locally, but I was fortunate because they did stay at times, and had the kids to stay some weekends. I found that I had to tell far more people than I would have liked, simply because the children were at nursery and school and it had an impact. Similarly to the other posters, the support I received from the mums at school and the school itself was fantastic. I told the teachers what was happening, asked them to keep an eye but keep things low key and they were brilliant. Previously I was the one who helped out having other peoples’ kids, and I hated telling people, asking for and accepting support, but once I got my head round that people were very willing to collect from nursery or give me a lift to hospital-I found people wanted to support me, and it didn’t mean I had to tell them everything. A friend of mine who is just about to start chemotherapy with a large young family is thinking of applying for a Macmillan grant to get some childcare support-this might be worth asking about?
Thanks for all your replies, they have been really helpful.
I haven’t really told anyone from school, as i don’t really know them all that well, but i think i will let school know, as we had the idea of letting our daughter who is 5, go and stay with her grandparents for a few days at a time,taking her school work with her.
I thought about sending our son to nursery for a couple of extra days aswell…
Has anyone claimed the grant that MacMillan offer at all?
Cooking and batch freezing is a really good idea, i will certainly be doing that.
Christmas shopping? Haven’t even thought of that yet, will have to get some bits in soon i think.
I have a 16 month old and am 21 weeks pregnant. I see the Oncologist on Thursday but have been told already that I will probably be having FEC for 6 months - I will be having chemo of some sort for sure!
My family are quite local and have already been able to help out whilst I recover from my operation which is great. I have also found good support through the local NCT (National Childbirth Trust). It doesn’t offer childcare services but if you can get to go to some local socials where possible, you will make good local friends really quickly and then they might be able to help you along as you get through this. It isn’t too late to make these connections either with the NCT, nursery or school as as a pp said, once people know they are usually quick to offer support and practical help.
Good luck - you’re not alone! (I’ve been told they’ll deliver my baby between 32 and 34 weeks which means baby will be in special care baby unit…no idea how I’m going to cope with that, a toddler and chemo all at the same time!!! - we will all get through this)
I had FEC with a 10mth old a 2yr old. I have my mum near by which really helps but early on i enrollded them at a creche by me. I hated doing it but the girls quickly settled and it made a big difference.
People will tell you to rest all the time BUT IT wont happen im afraid. Toddlers do not seem to care how ill you are and to be fair they kept me going right through it all.
My plan was-
Days 1 and 2 after chemo i had my hubby, then it was the weekend then my mum had them monday. Tuesday i was back to normal ish and i napped when they did if i wanted to.
Stock pile food especially easy food for the kids to grab and eat without causing you any hassle. It wont kill them!
Any help that is offered from friends grab it especially if they will cook you food as everything is an effort.
I also had fec and tax - the fec would knock me for 6 for a couple of days and I would just stay in bed, I had easy food in the house that the kids and husband could help themselves to and If I was feeling really rough they would eat out as I went of on certain smells. I never missed any dance or football but did rest when ever I could (mainly when they were at school) which may be hard with a toddler. A couple of my chemos were in school hols so again easy foods (even cartons for drinks)and stacks of dvd’s or my sister would have them round at hers.
Good advice I got was to look after myself as much as I would my kids and it’s true, chemo takes alot from you so you will need to rest up and then you have the energy to have fun on the good days.
I’ll second what Evie says - they keep you going. Mine were 4 and 2 as I went through surgery and chemo, and I kept things as normal as I could for them, still reading them bedtime stories even though it felt like a huge effort at the time. I live far away from any family and I had to go away from home for 6 weeks for my rads, this time last year. I found the BCC book ‘Mummy’s Lump’ really helpful - it’s free from this website.
My little boy is 6 and I found he understood that I’d not be feeling good after chemo “the sick medicine” because we read “mummy’s lump” together. He was ready for the fact that I would probably feel bad but that whilst I wouldn’t be playing “busy” ganes we could have time snuggled together reading and watching telly/dvds. My chemo was on thursdays and he’s at school. I booked him in to after school club before my treatment started to keep continuity/ activity for him. A friend took him to school on the day after chemo and I managed to walk him there on the mondays. Because he was at school I could laze about until he got home so I had more energy to chat to him when he got in. By Tuesday I was almost back to normal. I prepared meals the week before chemo so just had to get out and warm through. Lovely hubby made sure I had food for lunch time and big jug of pre boiled water to drink. Good luck. Children understand about feeling tired and grumpy, be honest and say you’re tired. Don’t try to do too much and use the friends and family that offer to help. One day you can help them back.