children, you never stop worrying!

I’ve had a rough 2 days. Didn’t think I could weep again like I did when diagnosed and through treatment, but my darling son and his lovely wife are seperating. I am gutted. We are all so close and I am gob smacked I didn’t notice the probs. They obviously kept a lot from me because of BC.

They are the parents to my darling 1st grandchild who is 5, and have a 12 wk old baby too. I am so worried for my granddaughter and her future. I can’t bare to think of her being unhappy, she loves her daddy so and he has moved out.

I know this isn’t stricktly BC related, but can’t help thinking if I hadn’t had BC, I’d have had the energy to babysit more, spend more time with them, given them the chance to have a full filled life. (They are both stuck in ruts, she’s house bound with kids, he is a chef and works mega longs hrs).

Can’t stop crying, feel so helpless.


Hi Irene,

It is hard when people you love decide for whatever reasons they cannot live together anymore. However, it is probably better that they split and both show their love to their children and possibly stay friends, rather than things getting nasty.

After all it is seperation they may chage their minds.

I hope you have a better few days.

Love Tracey xxx

hugs Irene
My Mum once said that the hardest thing about being a Mum is when you can’t kiss the hurt better any more.

quisie, how lovely, I will have to remember that one, it is so true.

I keep telling myself not to get too emotionally involved but it’s heart breaking.


O Irene I am so sorry I do know what you are going through my heart goes out to you. My lovely daughter Lesley lost her husband in August 2006 with lung cancer and it was heart breaking to watch her go down hill. She has 2 little girls they are the apple of my eye.We were living in Birmingham at the time so we decided to sell up and to move back here to Scotland as my daughter went down to 6 stone. I had just moved here and one week later I found the lump it was terrible as I was missing my old home so much but my duty was to my daughter. The shock of it all happening so soon was absolutely terrible. I do think thats what brought on my BC was the shock of my son-in-law dying so young. I have been here a year next month and finished all my treatment and things are getting a lot better. My daughters weight has gone back up to 8 stone now. It must be so hard for you especially with what you have been through. How is your daughter I know its hard not to get involved I dont know what else to say to you as I know your heart is breaking. Please Take Care Love Linda xxxx

Things are still sad but not as raw as when I wrote the thread. My son and daughter in law are talking things through but he is addimant it is over, and she keeps telling me there is hope. She is giving him space which is good, but I can’t help feeling there is going to be a major blow up when it finally dawns on her he wont be going back.

I have so many mixed feelings. As my son, I want him to be happy and staying in an unhappy marriage is not good I know, but also I am sad he has taken the decision to leave his family who I know he adores and will still see them as much as possible. I suppose I am from a background were you stuck together no matter what, for the children and so I am disapponted. I also see it has taken some guts for him to leave simply because I know how much he loves his kids.

Nightmare, just want to be nearer (we live an hours drive away), and be there for them all. BC has definately taken a back seat this wk, no bad thing there though.


Hi Irene

Sorry I’m a bit late in getting here. I’ve not been on for a couple of days. I know exactly how you feel as my son in law left my daughter at the end of August, after deciding to move back in again. We are nearly 3 hours away as they are in Oxfordshire and us in Lancashire.

It is devastating and like you say BC takes a back seat, however (maybe selfishly) I can cope with it by thinking that it is life changing and not life threatening. I think I accepted this better than when Sarah found a lump, at the same time as marriage probelms, and had to visit the breast clinic.

Thinking about you all, take care

Marilyn x

Hi Irene,

Glad things are settling down a little and that your son and daughter in law are talking. It’s half term this week - maybe you could go for the day and take the older one out for the day? She must be feeling like her life is a real muddle right now - new baby in the family, daddy moving out … a day of ‘normality’ might be good if you can do it. Good for you too.

Otherwise, try buying a pack of animal/ character postcards and send her one every few days or so - not on a fixed time scale, otherwise if you forget one she’ll get worried.

otherwise, hugs for Gran


Well had my son and his 2 kids to stay for 2 days this wk. It was good to have them here, but hard to see how much he has been suffering and still is due to his desire to be with his children, but not his wife. By the end of the 2 days he told us he is going back to his wife, mainly for the children and so no one can say he didn’t give it another go.

I hope it works out for them, but sadly, I don’t think it will, too much will have to change.

Thanks again for the brill support this site brings.


As difficult as your situation may be with your illness and the worry about your son’s relationtionship, be grateful at least that they can still tell you what is happening in their lives even if sometimes it feels like your illness should be the most important. things like this help you to realise that life has to go on. hope all goes well for you and hope your son can rebuild his relationship, perhaps your illness may at least make your son and daughter in law realise what is important.

Best wishes nikkip

Hi Irene
I am so glad i have picked up on this thread before we meet for lunch tomorrow., when we will discuss it I am sure.
Our children mean so much to us we want everything to go well for them and we care and protect them so much.
Mine are not yet married but if anything goes wrong for them i panic and want to make it right. You are obviously a lovely caring mum who wants things to be ‘ok’ for your son his wife and your dear grandchildren. Unfortunately life doesnt work out how we want as we Bc sufferers are aware and we have to accept things and move on.
In no way are you to blame for any of this love, and you must NOT blame yourself, but i am totally aware as to where you are coming from as any parent is. Its the ‘what if factor’

Big Hug tomorow and when you get back home and come online be assured everyone is here for you.