I am finding that I am really floundering and feel in need of professional help but don’t know how to access this or whether it would be given to me anyway. Can anyone please advise me what counselling/psycological help they’ve had and how they got this help?
Also, what are the criteria for getting help? Will they take a dim view of me asking for help because I’ve “only” got a primary dx? I just feel in a mess and spend most days crying a lot and dwelling obsessively on thoughts of death and dying. I lost my mum to bc as a child and it upsets me so much to wonder if my children (5 and 8) will have to go through the same. It seems odd that my dx was July 2007 and in a way I coped better with double mx, chemo, rads, oophorectomy etc than I am coping now with just 2nd part of (knackered) reconstruction to go.
Nicola-
I am so sorry you are feeling so down. It must be doubly hard that your Mom died of BC when you were such a young age. I can understand that it will haunt you and make you worried about your own children.
My feeling is that you have gone through hell and back. This is not just the common cold you’ve been suffering through - its cancer! So yes, you need some help. Please don’t downplay it…go for it. I have no doubt that one of the BCC staff will be posting here with more specifics for you. As I am from the US, I can’t point you in the right direction as far as eligibility.
I am just encouraging you to seek out help and stick with it till you feel more rational and less weepy. While it may take time for you to feel more sturdy, it may help you to know that many of us have sought out help. I did and I think it gave me the chance sort things out and learn how to stop myself from whipping into a frenzy of worry.
I am sorry to read that you are feeling this way, please don’t feel that you asking for help is wrong in any way as it is sometimes that hardest thing to admit it, so that’s your first step. There are a few ways for you to access professional support and your BCN or GP are two people who can refer you in the first instance, for more ideas about the support BCC can offer you and a chance to talk things through in confidence, please call our helpline on 0808 800 6000 where you can speak to one of our helpliners who are either breast care nurses or have had a breast cancer experience themselves. The opening times are usually 9-5 weekdays and 9-2 Sat, during the Christmas period they are:
Christmas Eve: 9am - 2pm
Christmas Day: Closed
Boxing Day: Closed
December 27th: Open as usual (9a,-2pm)
New Years Eve: 9am -2pm
New Year’s Day: Closed
It seems that its when treatment finishes that it hits us very hard.I was fortunate that I did not need chemo or rads but had a mastectomy and recon in July.I found it very difficult emotionally once it was over (which was very quick) My BCN refered me for counselling so I have been seeing a psychologist since October.It does help and she certainly knows which buttons to push but its good to be told that its normal and understandable to feel the way we do.She has actually diagnosed mild depression but wants to deal with it through therapy rather than drugs.I too felt I didn’t justify help as I am just primary BC with a good prognosis,but cancer is cancer!
My GP could also have arranged counselling or my Occupational Health dept at work could too! So try your BCN ,GP or Occ Health if you work.
Its having to face my mortality that has knocked me for six.
I also attend a relaxation class at a local Maggies Centre,do you have one near you,they are very good.Theres always someone to chat to and they do good classes and courses.
I am finding Christmas an additional emotional strain.God only knows how I will get through New Year!
Take care and don’t be hard on yourself but do seek help.
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
Love
Dot
x
You do sound really down. I don’t think it matters one iota if you have primary cancer or no cancer at all. People have a breaking point regardless of what has happened and no-one should grade you according to your suffering. I think when we face a crisis we keep strong and don’t fall by the wayside, mainly because we don’t have the time or energy to think, just to do whats needed at the time. Its only when it is well and truly over and we have time to reflect on whats happened that depression can occur. Accepting that you need help is the biggest step towards getting better. See your GP or BC nurse as soon as possible. Counselling is a very helpful therapy. It isn’t just about someone listening to you passively about your problems - they help you make sense of what has happened and how you can help yourself move forward especially when you feel so helpless. Anti-depressants are really helpful too, if used in conjunction with counselling, so if your doctor thinks you need them, don’t refuse them out of hand.
My clinic has a small team of psychologists attached to it, one is on duty when people are to be given a cancer diagnosis in case the person needs help immediately. I was referred by my oncologist/breast nurses and had 6 sessions of an hour over a period of about 4/5 months. It really helped me and I would recommend it. GPs can refer but it can take months for them to access it.
Breast cancer can lead to post traumatic stress disorder - at the time you are too focused on the treatment to get stressed, it is afterwards in the cool light of day that you can dwell on what may be, without the support of your medical team.
I have never felt I should keep a stiff upper lip but I did find Dr Peter Harvey’s article on the roller coaster and after useful.
I am not surprised your stress is greater than most as your mother died of breast cancer when you were very young. That must contribute to your emotions as in the past children were often kept in the dark about what was going on. Certainly I was when my mother became mentally ill following thyroid disease and ended up in a mental hospital when I was three. I have suffered low self esteem every since, although she recovered. I think children can blame themselves if their parents disappear as can seem to happen.
Sorry for the cod psychology but talking to a counsellor/psychologist has helped me at various crisis points. It’s just as relevant as taking tablets in my book
My bc nurse referred me to a psychologist who works through macmillan and is based at our local hospice. It was the BEST thing I ever did. I tried ‘counselling’ before, but did not clic with the person (after my daughter was seriously ill), so I never thought this would work after initial dx. The woman I see is fantastic, and without her I dont know where I would be (we sorted out loads of stuff from childhood, not just cancer). I actually stopped seeing her cos I was in a far better place, but 2 weeks ago was dx with mets to lung - so I am seeing her again to try and help me deal with that.
She has also ran a ‘mindfulness’ course. I started some of these practices when I first saw her, and it has consolidatted that. Talk to your bc nurse and if you dont get anywhere there , contact your local macmillan contact and see if they can help you.
You have not ‘JUST’ got a primary dx - you are suffering as much as anyone else and it can hit at any time.
Thank you very much everybody for your responses. You are a great support, thank you. I think I will phone or maybe write to my BCN. The hospital treating me is an hour away but there is a cancer hospice near me that I know does counselling so will maybe ask if she can refer me there. I think it’s a hospice with Macmillan nurses but goes under a different name around here.
Mole - I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. My mum lived for just over a year after her initial diagnosis. When she was first diagnosed, my parents told us she was in hospital for varicose vein treatment (?!) and I didn’t know that she was going to die until she did. Since her death (even now), my Dad is uncomfortable with remembering or mentioning her.
Anyway, kids are on the xbox playing their new Lego Batman game and are very happy with their presents from Santa. I’m off to get turkey dinner ready and put my “Merry Xmas” face on!
I’ve not got any words of wisdom on the counselling issue though I do think I know what you mean about having “only a primary” dx. Its a year yesterday since my dx so everyone I met on my journey has been in my thoughts. I hope you are having a lovely christmas day and your gravy is lump free.
Both Phil and I have got bronchitis and are bed ridden. I have just managed by first food of the day…rice pudding!!!
I hope you find the help you need and if you ever fancy a chat just give me a shout. The M6 is right on my door stop.
Love to you and yours.
Shonagh x