I got my results yesterday which weren’t good and I have to have further surgery and due to the size of tumour and the spread to lymph nodes will also mean chemo and radiotheropy. All I can do today is cry and I can’t stop weeping… I am scared of whats happening to me and am thinking the worst already convinced myself I have secondries as I also have to have a CT scan.
I know I have to get over this and stop feeling sorry for myself and be postive and upbeat like so many other people who are going through the same and seem to be taking it in their stride… I am not sure what I am asking…?
Hello Saffronseed,
You are having a horrble time and it’s perfectly understandable that you should feel sad, scared and weep. You are entitled to feel sorry for yourself; you would feel sorry for someone else in your position. Please, please don’t beat yourself up or put additional pressure on yourself by tying the “positive upbeat” burden on your back. All these people may appear to be coping so well but they’re probably putting on an act and at home…
You’re probably still in shock, given that you only had your results yesterday. Be kind to yourself and don’t assume that you have to be any other way than yourself.
Hugs and best wishes for your treatment,
Alloway
Hiya, dont be so hard on yourself - You are still in shock. Things will settle down and I think you will feel better once you know your treatment plan. Have a look at some of the postings on chemo etc - a lot of us find/found it very do-able. So sorry it wasn’t good news - lots of hugs coming your way x Debbie x
Aw Saffronseed, sorry the results you got weren’t as good as you hoped for.
It’s all very scary at the beginning & I think we all cry until we can’t cry any more, but it does get easier with time. Once you have a clear treatment plan in place you have something to focus on & things get a little easier to manage.
I had a mx & full anc clearance in Aug 09. 4.5cm tumour & 17/30 nodes infected & I’m triple negative. I freaked out when I got my biopsy results & cried for days. Once chemo started tho I had that to put my energy into & I stopped dwelling so much on my prognosis.
We all have ups & downs…it’s one helluva rollercoaster ride we are on & I’m thankful that we have this forum for support. The amazing ladies on here have pulled me up when I’ve been at my lowest & encouraged me to go on & I like to think I’ve done the same for them. You’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself…you’ve been dealt a shitty hand & it’s impossible to be positive all the time & I don’t think BC is something that any of us ‘get over’.
Don’t beat yourself up about feeling down…someone told me that with every tear that falls, a little bit of hurt falls with it, so have a good cry…it’s therapeutic! Then let the ladies on here pick you up & dust you off ready to face the rest of your treatment! You can do it!
Good Luck with your surgery, Chemo & Rads…they’ll all be a distant memory before you know it!
Take Care
Hxx
Hi Saffronseed
Just to echo what Alloway has said - we have all cried and are all scared - it a perfectly normal reaction to the news you have had and what we all have to go through. Somehow we get through it and somehow start to cope. I have been travelling this journey now for 18 months, sometimes I feel very positive and sometimes I crack up but please remember you are not alone. This site is full of wonderful women, we all come her to rant, cry, laugh and share our ups and downs. Many of the women are very knowledgable so ask away if you have any questions.
Believe me you will feel better when you have a treatment plan in place, give yourself time to let it all sink in. As alloway says don’t beat yourelf up and be kind to yourself. We are always here for each other so post away.
Sending love and hugs Anne xx
Hi Saffronseed
So sorry to hear you’re feeling so down and so scared. But it’s perfectly natural to be feeling that way. You’ve just been given earth shattering news and you’re anticipating the worst. Of course you feel like crying.
I’ve done nothing else but cry for the last three months. Anything can set me off – a song, news that some one has breast cancer, a place I visited before I was ill, even ridiculously watching a DVD I had watched in better times. Silly stupid stuff. Except it’s not silly or stupid for me. It’s my way of coping with the grieving process of losing my way of life. On good days, I realise that I haven’t lost my way of life. I’m just going to have a different slant on that way of life, in which I should incorporate a healthier way of living, both physically and mentally. My old way of life was probably very toxic for me. But on bad days I just cry because I’m human.
You’re human too!!You need to be kind to yourself. Cry- it’s healthy and a way for you to cope with your emotions. You can pick yourself up after the tears have dried away. Try not to worry about the CT scan, you’re obviously anticipating the worst, and again that’s natural. But speaking from experience, I have cried buckets of tears in the past for events that never occurred. Your results may not be as you dread. Deal with that when it comes. I dreaded the thought of chemo – but it appears I don’t need it. It’s true, the worst sometimes doesn’t happen.
Sorry for the long post but I so feel for you. Take care and be kind to yourself, let yourself cry until your inner strength returns. It will.
Annys xx
Hello, welcome to our fantastic forum, so sorry for your DX, of course your crying, scared, and unsure what life holds ahead, this is all perfectly normal.
I was only DX end of November, I had my op on the 17th Dec, HER2 Pos Grade 3 ER Pos they removed 22 lymph nodes 16 of these were infected.
I started mt chemo last week, and to be honest I still can´t beleive I have got this far, time flys by, beleive it or not the worst time is waiting for results, I too a waiting on bone, organ, chest scans, and this too is a worrying time especially with so many lymph nodes infected.
But us as people find the strength and carry on and as the other girls said it is all doable.
You will have your good days and bad days, last weekend after my first chemo, I was crawling up my stairs on my hands and knees I felt like i´d aged 40 yrs, screamimng at my OH never again, but I will be there on the 11th and take my chemo because it´s whats making us well, it´s a means to an end!
I read on this site somewhere a good thought to keep in mind, “we have the cancer, the cancer doesn´t have us”
And this is kept me on a positive note.
Good luck, and keep posting however trivial you think your post is.
Love Teresa xxx
thanks for giving me ‘permission’ to cry. You are right I am being hard on myself. I am usually a very strong person and i don’t recognise the gibbering wreck I have turned into. when I was told that I had breast cancer just over a month ago now - i cried then too but for me getting the results was probably when it really hit me that yes I do really have this horrid disease. I am really lucky in that I am rarely ill - I havent had a day off work in over 5 years and I don’t seem to ‘catch’ general flu/colds/chills etc - and if i do get sniffley I shake it off normally within a day. This isn’t something I can ‘shake’ off with a Beechams Powder and I really am finding it hard to come to terms with. I don’t feel ill - yet I have to go through so much to try and get rid of it and my life will never be the same again it all feels just so overwelming…
This is the problem I had to come to terms with, I didn´t feel ill, I ran my own Florist, open 7 days a week used to leave the house 8.30 am didnt get home some days until 7.30pm , so yes it is hard coming to tems with this, especially when you are preparing to become not ill but weaker than normal.
When do you have your operation, do you know?
xxx
yes I have a date for surgery its 9th March and in the same hospital and ward as my first (lumpetomy and SNB) so thats re assuring for me as they were very nice and kind to me there.
In fact everyone is being brilliant and that probably makes it worse as then I get very weepy. I am so glad i found the forum as even though people are being very throughtful and supportive no one really understands how I feel. I am seeing the BCN on Monday to have a chat about things, mastectomy and chemo which will help me - but I just feel so low at the moment I don’t seem to have the energy or desire to do anything except cry - which makes me feel even worse.
Hi Saffronseed I will be weepy with you. I have just had my meeting with onc and I too need chemo & radio along with herceptin. I am normally strong and like you cannot believe I have turned into this wreck. I am sure we will all get our mojos back when this treatment is over. There are lots of positive ladies on this site thank goodness x
Please don´t think of yourselves as weeping wrecks, your not, your body is going through turmoil at the moment mentally and physically, but please, please beleive me it will get better.
I too still face a MX but at the moment we are trying to treat via chemo.
It´s good that you speak your mind on here, nobody judges you and we all totally understand, it´s true what you say your friends never will and I don´t think really lets be truthful want to understand, I know because I was one of them, before I was DX a friend of mine had cancer and although I was there for her all the way, I don´t think I truly understood what she was going through…
Go out and splash out on something really nice! A bit of retail therapy!
xxx
Hi Saffronseed I am weepy with you too. I have just had my second op, I had a lumpectomy in June - margins were not clear and lymph nodes were involved, had 6 months chemo and then the second op 2 weeks ago - results this week margins are clear and no other lymph nodes involved. It was such a weight off my shoulders as unusually for me I was expecting the worst and I did not realise it. Cried everywhere over the last 10 months, apologised alot too for doing it mostly needlessly.
Sorry did not meen this to be a me, me, me post - I don’t know exactly how you feel, but just want to say relax and take care of yourself and if you are haering thundering hooves its most likely horse not elephants!