Hi Kittencat Know what you mean about crying, one minute everything is OK next you have to run off & cry, I hate anyone see me cry, makes me feel sooooo vunerable. Seems like everywhere you turn some one is mentioning breast cancer in some form suppose it’s always been there, bit like when you buy a new car suddenley everyone seems to be driving the same car!!!
Hie Magel
I know what you mean about not wanting people to see you crying. My favourite place to cry was in the shower, or go out walking in the rain; I figured I was getting wet anyway so might as well!! Before BC breasts and anything to do with them never bothered me but NOW its all so relevent and it feels like you can’t get away from them!!
Hi Magel…I took my daoughter - nearly 16 to dentist two days before clinic appt and 3 mags that I picked up mentioned BC on the front, then took her the following day to GP as she has had horrendous painful periods etc and we knew they’d suggest the pill, one of the first q’s the doc asked was is there any history of breast cancer in the family - I answered no and tried to cross everything…next day I was at the clinic and got diagnosed…and god I howled when my friend came round, mainly from fear I think…I’m ok till people start being “kind” then I’m off, but so far I think its helped, I’m still really weepy but now its more normal rather than the terror of what-if, if you know what I mean. Now my hubby is feeling it I think, he’s brilliant but being too strong and won’t let it out but men are a different species anyway as we all know! Take care, mary x
mouse - I know - I keep noticing women’s chests in the soaps/tv, how sad eh but I can remember when I really wanted to be pregnant and everywhere you go were women with big bumps or prams or ads for pampers…x
You’re right, every other word I read or hear on the tv seems to be cancer at the moment. I’m sick to death of the BUPA cancer advert, is it the only one they’ve got?! I hadn’t cried for a few days, but sobbed my heart out when I was on my own in bed the night I got my surgery results. And I got good news too! I have to keep it together for my children, but every so often I crack and have to go lock myself in the bathroom for a quick weep.
Kittenkat - lol about noticing people’s chests in soaps etc too. I’m glad it’s not just me! 
Me too! I get cleavage envy when I see busty ladies with 2 perfect breasts, who can wear low tops!! And I thought it was just me! Thanks for your honesty, it makes me feel so much better.
I can find my self crying when I see a hearse on the road, and I get panic attacks every time I hear the 2012 Olympics mentioned. Seems almost an impossible goal, and I am not even a sports follower! Silly me.
Best wishes,
Jax
You should have seen me yesterday. Blubbed so much at work I had to come home at 2:30. Not a good look - red puffy eyes. And you do feel a twit, but we all seem to do it, so I guess we just have to accept it.
Sal
yesterday I feel really low but yet detached and was glad to get to bed to be on my own - had crap night sleep though and this am hubby got up with kids n cats etc and I stopped in bed - had a good cry and a doze and think I feel better than I did yesterday…just hope I sleep better tonight - and period started this am so maybe that was why I felt so crap yesterday…x
ps hope you’re feeling beteer today Sal x
Hi Kitten
I had my period last week, first since dx, and I felt a good darn lower than usual. Probably only the hormones hitting you at a total stress time. Being female sucks! But let’s face it, it’s way better than being a man!!!
Know that detached feeling very well. But you’re Kittencat, aka Catwoman! Prrrr to miiiaaaooowwww with diamond studs attached!
ahhhh, thanks…sniff…MIAAAAAAOOOOWWWWWW!
Just had a real weepy moment here. I still have a large seroma in my boob which was drained so far as they were able last Weds but still quite a bit of it left. Since then no more leaking and I thought maybe it would start to heal - but then I got up this morning to find the b***d thing has started seeping again all over my new pj’s, so now I feel like a time bomb waiting for it to gush like old faithful again. I’m 4 weeks today post surgery and I’ve had enough of constant swelling, soreness, leaking, gushing - I just want the thing to heal! I could be having a bit of normal life back just now while I wait for chemo but no, the wretched thing won’t let me and I’ve had enough. I don’t want to do chemo. I don’t want to do rads. I don’t want any of it, I want my life back!!
There. Sorry that’s horribly self-pitying and I feel better for saying it, I’m normally pretty positive and upbeat but I just can’t do it this morning. DH thinks I’m being silly - he just says I’m being impatient, I was warned this would probably happen, it’s all normal etc etc. But just…waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, it’s not fair!!!
Actually I think I’m premenstrual too, which won’t be helping matters. Who’d be a woman?
Hey Gen. Cry all you want. If there’s a time for wallowing and self pity, this is it. I got the sniffles yesterday and I’ve not got anywhere near what you’ve got to put up with. You’ve been amazing. Want me to come round and stick a custard pie in DH’s face? Now that would be silly. You’re not! 
Hi Gen. I love the Violet Elizabeth moment! Stamp your foot as much as you like girl - we’re all stamping with you. This is really tough for you. I know it’s really frustrating when you don’t recover as you expect. Just remember - it will get better.
What is it with us lot? My period’s due tomorrow too - looks like we’re all in syc and we’ve all got PMT. Although I’m not sure if mine will happen. I think I’m due a break as I had 3 of the damn things in the five and a half weeks before Christmas!
Anyway, here’s something to cheer you up - a joke told by a man:-
After retiring, I went to the Benefits Office to sort out my pension.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s licence to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Pension application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Benefits Office office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your trousers. You might have got disability, too’
and that’s how the fight started…
LMAO!!! That has made me laugh, thanks Sal. And Carole, I’d love to see the look on his face through a faceful of pie, that might just amuse me.
My humour has not been improved by the fact that the Sky+ box has just given up the ghost. We’ve had the wretched thing for about a month after it replaced a kaput box just before xmas and it’s been trouble ever since. Now it’s died. Jez is on the phone to them trying to fix it right now - anything like that is usually my job, but I just pointed out to him that I was liable to cry if I speak to anybody so he’s doing it.
He doesn’t seem to be having much luck - they’re sending out an engineer. It’s one of them days I think. Bah. Meh. Grump.
Love it Sal, and as chance would have it, it’s not entirely out of sync with “Don’t Mess with the Zohan”, Adam Sandler’s latest. I’m not a huge fan, but just watched it on DVD and this one is worth crying tears of laughter over! You might have to wait a bit if your Sky box has given up the ghost Gen, but then again, I am loving the weeping blackmail scenario!
Hi all. Today I went to the hospital only to be told what I already knew that I had a malignant tumour grade 2( I read the biopsy report, do they really think we are stupid enough not to read it!!!) I have to have an op to remove it & a clear margin & the main lymph node, Which is what Redders said would happen, before that I have to go next wednesday (another 8 days of waiting), to have blood tests etc. Then they will decide when I will have the op. Is this usual in England as I live in Spain & wonder is it different here. Gennie, know what you mean I am usually such a positive person but this is all getting toooooooo much, I just want it out, my hubby isn’t helping thinks I’m being a drama queen, maybe it’s his way of coping but what I really need is lots of …I don’t really know!!! Wonder how he’d feel if he had it in his …!!! Can anyone tell me when they take out the main lymph node do they test it while you are still under & if it is positive do they do a complete masectomy there & then!!!
Magel
It all varies a bit region to region, but you do get a pre-op assessment which is your blood tests, blood pressure, and I got an ECG too. How quickly they do the op is down to their lists and your urgency I’m afraid. But the NHS is very good at getting on with bc stuff. I asked before my op if they do the testing while you’re under. No is the answer. It has to go to the lab then come back. Remember, just because you have lymph node involvement (hopefully won’t!) it doesn’t mean you’ll get a mastectomy. They need to look at the whole thing, tumour, margins, lymph, and decide what they think your options are.
I found what I needed to do (and still need to - I start chemo next Tuesday) was just talk about it whenever I needed to. Hubby has been great about that. But if what you really need is lots of… Here it is! Sending as much of it your way as I can. Hugs included if you like them. :0)
Thanks Carole, that is helpful, my hubby is a lovely man but he just won’t talk about it (the old, if it isn’t mentioned it’s not happening syndrome) but I do have lots of good friends who are happy to talk. I’ll let you know what happens, how far along the track are you?
Diagnosed 16 Dec, op 24 Dec, lump out, margins, clear, no lymph, and I’ve just been waiting since then to heal so they can start the chemo. I start that next Tuesday, running till somewhere second half of July as far as I can work out. Then it’s 6 weeks of rad, and start 5 years of tamoxifen. Still don’t know if I need herceptin too. That goes with the tamoxifen but just for a year. It’s almost like it’s not been happening since the op. Suddenly today I think I’ve just realised what the next 9 months are going to be like!