I am 3.5 years since diagnoses - had a lumpectomy etc. My 14 year relationship finished 6 months after treatment - not just because of the cancer , but I suppose it gave me a wake up call. Anyway, I am 37, soon to be 38. I did meet one guy who didn’t have a problem with it (he said) but I always worry that a man will reject me when he finds out. I had a lumpectomy by the way. I think the whole cancer thing has made me cautious to a degree, I suppose I am afraid or the rejection.
Has anybody got any personal experience of good Internet dating and meeting someone, or Internet dating in general.
Hi Paulie
I am relatively new to all this compared to you and sometimes I think who is going to want to go out with me knowing the situation I am in but other times I tell myself off for thinking negative thoughts. Being in this situation really upsets me and makes me feel like my life is on hold BUT then I think about people I know who are in relationships with people who have this disease or have had it. These people went into their relationships knowing the situation and live with it and they are very happy.
I have also done internet dating and it definitely works - although I’ve yet to meet my soul mate - I know people who have met their other halves through internet dating so it’s definitely worth it and you know what, what have you got to lose! You are now three years down the line which is fantastic - I can’t wait to be there with you.
I can completely understand how you are feeling but you should just go for it and enjoy yourself - you are worth it and there will be somebody out there who will accept you for who you are and what you have been through.
I too an 3.5 years since diagnosis and my husband of 13 years walked out one me 3 months ago, as he has feelings for my best friend. I have had a double mastectomy with reconstruction but no nipples so I feel very nervous about dating. Although saying that, I have met a guy when I had a recent trip to spain I have since met up with him told him the situtation which didnt bother him one bit, we even got a bit giggy if you know what I mean. I also have another guy who knows and keeps texting me to go out, not sure if I can be bothered with either, as still grieving for my lost retlationship. Never tried internet dating but am thinking of giving it a go probably after christmas. Good luck there must be some kind men out there.
My scenario is slightly different. I met a fabulous man via internet dating just under a year ago. From the start I was open about my family Hx of BC and that possibly one day, I may get it. He was very supportive. Less than 6 months into our relationship I was diagnosed and he has been absolutely great. I know that he has great admiration for the way I am handling things and we are more in love than ever. I still need a bilateral mastectomy after my chemo, but he tells me I am much more to him than a pair of breasts!
There are some good, decent, men out there so get on that dating website and have yourself a ball - it is great fun! I suppose the issue may be at what stage you mention your BC (a bit like can’t have children bit). On your dating profile, I would mention (without mentioning BC) what a strong and determined woman you are and skim around why. This may provoke the gentlemen to enquire why whilst you’re at the internet chatting stage. Something I have learnt only recently is that good Men love strong women. Obvioulsly this is how I would deal with things but I hope it helps.
Happy dating gorgeous lady!
I also had lumpectomy in March this year and have just finished my rounds of chemo/rads. I was seeing someone until my hair started falling out then he left me-couldn’t handle it-poor thing!!! I actually coped better with it all being on my own i think-no need to feel self conscious about my looks etc.
Im now taking Tamoxifen so have the dreaded side effects-hot flushes, weight gain, aches/pains…need i go on?!!
Im not really ready to start going out and dating again just yet but i do worry about how guys will react if i ever do go down that road. We should be proud of our scars and our bodies shouldn’t we? They are proof of just how strong and brave in the face of adversity us women can be-still doesn’t stop us being apprehensive though does it?
Paulie-good luck with the internt dating-let me know how you get on!!!
Hi Girls,
Just wanted to say I’m sad to hear how your men have treated you, but how pleased i am that you’re able to begin thinking of starting again. I wish you all the very best of luck, and hope you have lots of fun as you meet new people and start choosing from all the gorgeous kind men that will undoubtedly be pestering you for your attentions! You are strong, brave, funny, sensitive and beautiful. Go get 'em
love jacquie