Hi everyone this is my first post, been thinking of joining for a while now. My darling daughter in law had a masectomy 4 weeks ago tomorrow. We were told in Feb it was stage 2 invasive lobular cancer. She had all the scans done which seemed to be clear apart from swelling in stomach area. She then had to go to Cheltenham for a P E T scan. All major organs clear but showed possible cancer in armpit. This was confirmed by biopsy before masectomy. Complete right breast was removed plus all lymph nodes. At follow up she was told 25 /28 nodes were infected and the tumour was 90mm and the stage 2 was now 2 /3.She is E R positive. She’s 46 years old and we have 3 young grandchildren. It has been very difficult for her to be positive and have any belief that she will get through this, but gradually we have slowly begun to see our bubbly, funny, loving, lively girl return. Then last week my son and daughter in law had their first visit with the oncologist, whom they said was very nice. my son told us at the start the doctor was very positive, all good news, he could get them through this and then just as they were about to leave he handed them a nhs predict printout stating that survival rates for 5 and 10 years were very poor very low and also that she had an agressive cancer but the margines had been clear. Our girl is now right back to February. Our little ones are 8,7. and 4. I really dont know how my son finds so much to be positive about when our girl is in floods of tears saying she doesn’t want to leave them. I’ve tried to tell her that every case is different and that she will be in the small percentage that will survive and I honestly can’t believe any different. Physically she is so strong with a can do attitude but mentally I can see a change and I’m so worried. She’e been having her armpit sryinged because of swelling and has been in so much pain, but she doesn’t care about any of that, just living with her family. Sorry I know I’ve gone on, but I needed to do this .
your daughter in law is lucky to have you. Please tell her the support here is fantastic, the telephone helpline is a godsend especially if you are anxious, please encourage her to check this site as she will find someone in similiar circumstances and/or tell her to phone the helpline, it is manned by professionals. I phoned them when I was anxious about my treatment recommendations being changed a few times and they were fantastic. They listened well and helped me feel calm and gave me excellent advice. It can help put it in perspective and they can point her in the right direction. If she can’t do it herself at the moment ask your son to talk to them. Good Luck. It is hard when you are the in law sometimes. If you have a close relationship with her she might let you make the first move. Through this I have discovered wonderful support from my daughter in law which has surprised me and it has enriched our relationship. Thinking about you all.
hi Devon,
Sorry to hear your family are going through this. You sound fantastic, btw.
If the oncologist is positive then that’s great.
Stats can be so scary to read, but they are only numbers. I understand that the most recent stats are based on those who went through treatment 10 or more years ago & there has been so much progress since then. There’s no reason why these stats should apply to her specifically.
What is so encouraging about reading the posts here, is that most of us do get through it & there are a number of ladies here who have been living with secondary bc for many years.
Wishing you all the very best.
ann x
Hi Devon, there are lots of different support activities to help try to lift your mood during and after treatment if you can find them locally. I know it is early days and they are still getting used to the news, but there are relaxation classes, art therapy, walk and talk activities, look good feel great, etc. Once treatment starts it can limit how involved you can be without compromising immunity but some people use anti depressants as a temporary measure to gain mental and emotional strength to move forward. Whatever works best for your family you will know. Your daughter in law and son will be so grateful for your support.
Small acts of kindness such as making a meal, doing the laundry, taking the children out, arranging a surprise treat make all the difference. Also if you could research other support activities in your area via the main cancer charities or their local hospital and make a file they can dip into when they are ready will provide avenues to distract their attention for a while. Anxiety is very draining and it can be hard to break the cycle ofover thinking the issue so the sooner this can be alleviated the better to maintain optimum mental and physical strength for the treatment ahead. We are all thinking about you and your family and wishing you the best and hope your bubbly daughter in law resurfaces soon.
it sounds like you are all doing a great job in supporting your daughter in law, and it is lovely that the children are involved too. Your daughter in law may not want to burden you all any more by expressing her fears and emotions but may find it helpful to do this outside the close family circle possibly. It is just a suggestion. Fortunately I have a friend who has already gone through this who I could talk to as I didn’t want to add to my husband’s worries and she helped me keep perspective and found comfort on various threads on this site where I have found useful information in the conversations amongst others at various stages of treatment. The support from the helpline is fantastic and it is there for all of you.
it sounds like you are all doing a great job in supporting your daughter in law, and it is lovely that the children are involved too. Your daughter in law may not want to burden you all any more by expressing her fears and emotions but may find it helpful to do this outside the close family circle possibly. It is just a suggestion. Fortunately I have a friend who has already gone through this who I could talk to as I didn’t want to add to my husband’s worries and she helped me keep perspective and i found comfort on various threads on this site where I have found useful information in the conversations amongst others at various stages of treatment. The support from the helpline is fantastic and it is there for all of you.
Hi Devon,just to say there are ladies on this site who are still doing well 10 years on who have had large tumours and who had many lymphnodes affected -one lady had 16/16 affected and is still popping in 10 years on.Please remember that the statistics you mention relate to ladies who began their journeys maybe 20 years ago and breast cancer treatments have come on massively in that time .There is every reason to be positive as the surgeon said .I would advise you all stay away from google and leaflets and just concentrate on what specifically relates to your daughter in law as relayed by her team. All the best Jill.