Hi Guys - I feel so tired today and i am gutted as i am planning to try and get a week at least at work before my next FEC a week on Tuesday. I felt so good the last 2 days and was back to normal. Picked up my wig which is fab(though weird to wear and itchy)and had a night in with family ,even had wine!!!.Only 2 glasses… I have had horrendous thrush and a sore throat and some days i was so tired my words were mixed up . Please tell me that we get used to handling this poisin in our system as if iam going to feel like this it seems such a long road.
I have invasive lobular cancer , 10cm and planned mastectomy then rads or ? more chemo , T4 . I am really on the whole positive and have handled it well so far. However not today. Everyone is planning holidays and i feel like life is going on around me and i am on the sidelines . in total limbo . It has been all so fast as i was only at the initial appointment 5 weeks ago , having had the all clear 14 months ago. I am feeling really upset and i think ANGRY , though i feel that is wrong . I am sick of people saying you will be ok you are so strong. WTF i should get an Oscar !!! In private i am a wreck .I am scared and feel that i need to put a face on this for my family , why do we feel like that? Its me that could die !!
hi Lorna45
I just wanted to say that what you are feeling and saying is so normal. I have completed my chemo and rads after surgery last September. However, in the midst of my chemo I felt so alone, despite so many good friends and a wonderful husband and family. I thought I would never see the other side and yet here I am…back at work and coping reasonably well with being back in the midst of things. During my chemo I felt as though I had no control of my life and that everyone else told me what I had to do and when (I don’t mean that nastily!). I totally understand you saying you feel like you are in limbo as that is exactly how I felt. Suspended in time with a fear that I would not see the other side. I have and so will you. I cried a million tears and felt angry and sad but now I mainly feel so grateful to have come so far and embracing my life now. I had a new chapter party 2 weeks ago and I had a ball. I initially started planning it in the midst of my chemo - it gave me something that I could control. I also kept a log of my journey and I found this quite cathartic. I have since had it self published on lulu.com and have made over £150 by selling it for Breast Cancer Research. I hope that your journey through this experience is a quick one and I wish you all the best for the future. Be kind to yourself. J.
Thanx for that, i need to hear good result stories !! The party sounds like a great idea. I am sure tomorrow will be better.x
Hi Lorna 45 ,not started my chemo yet still awaiting verdict on my op (results on wed )but i have been told it will be a definate as i have grade 3 and am apparently young to have this. I am absolutely dreading it.
Just read your post and cant help you a lot but felt i really wanted to send you lots of love and hugs and i hope tomorrow is a better day for you
Lots of hugs Lisha xx
Lorna, keep a detailed list of your symptoms and let them know how you’ve been. It’s possible the dosage is a bit high for you, or they may be able to take other steps to deal with your side-effects. Unfortunately there is no single list of what we’re going to have, so the first one is often pretty darn tough.
I know you’d like to work (know the feeling!) but you have to deal with YOUR needs first, so if you need to rest then do so without feeling the least bit guilty. At this stage you really just have to go with the flow, and see if your onc team can ease things for subsequent cycles.
And come on here to let off steam as much as you want. We understand what’s going on in your head on that one, so vent away.
And have a GREAT big hug from me, sounds like you could do with it.
CM
x
Hiya all - Glad to say i was at work and it has done me so much good !!! I hope i can last the week. Does the chemo get worse as we go on or do we get more able to cope with it. ??? I guess though it is an individual experience.I want to try and hold on to my normality as much as poss. I am not looking forward to repeating the experience next Tuesday, however on reflection i think i have been really not that bad.!!! Its like childbirth, we forget till the next time…
hi everyone,
Lorna i had 6 tax after the third one, i honestly thought i couldnt do it again, but you find an inner strength from somewhere, and carry on, taking it in your stride, dealing with it any way you can, some people have less severe side effects, for me it was fatigue, bad mouth, sore and full of thrush, stomach cramps, and muscle pain, towards the end of the poisoning i got daft things like a twitchy eye, then my fingernails started to go rotten, and now every one is falling off,
i must stress this was tax, and NOT EVERYONE GETS THESE SIDE EFFECTS, I just wanted you to know, and try to get some strength from thinking you arent on your own in this fight, and just when you think you have had enough you will bounce back for more, i agree it is like childbirth you seem to, not forget it completely, but dont remember it for being as bad as it actually was,
sending you lots of best wishes, love and support, liz xxx