My mum died in January of an unknown cancer (her first symptoms were from brain mets, they looked for a primary but couldn’t find it) and then I was dx with BC in February, aged 44. I’ve had mast, chemo & am now on rads & tamoxifen with herceptin still to come. My dad died years ago, also from cancer (bowel).
I thought I was coping OK with it all, have been having counselling, but this weekend was the first anniversary of finding out that there was something wrong with mum. Now I cannot stop thinking about how awful this past year has been, and am finding it difficult to cope.
I am so angry that all this has happened to me, and I have no-one to turn to who understands. I have friends who have lost both their parents, and I have friends who have had BC, but no-one with both. I find myself shouting at my husband for not being supportive enough, and feeling really resentful of him as he still has both his parents and no health problems.
My nails still hurt from the Tax, my feet are partially numb, I have cording in my arm which won’t go away, (and no hair, of course) and meanwhile everyone seems to think that I should be alright now that the chemo is over.
Sorry for the rant, but I feel that I’ve just taken as much as I can
Thank you so much for your concern & kind remarks. It is so helpful to know there are others out there who are going through the same awful things and it’s not just me, alone with it all
I had a rant on sat, but after reading your posting feel dreadful!!!
My rant is about my parents I am finding their unfortunate situations very difficult to cope with along with dealing with BC.
I am sending my best hugs and sympathy Hoping you feel stronger.
Kim x
My rant is called “what next to cope with!” undergoing treatment: chemotherapy
Roadrunner
Just to say I am thinking of you. Sometimes you just wonder how much life can throw at you. My dad died this time last year (heart problems) and my mum has been poorly during the year. I felt that I was having a tough time supporting her and then bam I end up with this. I also lost my brother when I was 18 - long time ago but still feels raw sometimes, (am now 37)
I don’t have any answers - I look at people who seem to sail through life and think I wonder why me. The diagnosis is like a bombshell and the treatment really tough and as I have said before it is a lonely walk. We can have family and friends with us but we are the ones with no hair , feeling awful and scared witless of the future.
I really do hope you can find strength to get through this tough time. Be good to yourself,
MuddyXX
I am so sorry to hear how down you are at the moment, there will be little I can say to ease the hurt you feel. I can only empathise about losing a father, my dad died three years ago in so much pain that I swear it was the injections they gave him that allowed him to slip away. I still get angry about the way he died especially as he didn’t want to die.
I think bereavement can go on for years so I am glad to hear you have accessed counselling. You really can only take one day at a time at the moment so I hope you find a ‘rainbow’ to brighten your day tomorrow.
Try to hang in there.
Sending hugs your way
I can emphasise with you as my Father died of Dementia last year and I was diagnosed with Dermatomyositis two weeks after his funeral then Cancer at Easter. My Mum died 15 years ago. After 52 years of good health everything comes at once.
I am sorry you are feeling the way you are at the moment, I was diagnosed July 5th 2006 (age 41) and my father died July 19th, I had to have a bilateral mastectomy, fortunately I didn’t need chemo or rads, on tamoxifen and zoladex injections now for 5 years. I am now 5 months on from bilateral recon using the muscle and skin from my back. Although it has been hard at times I am feeling fairly good at the moment, I am really pleased with the recon and feel now I can move on with my life.
hi roadrunner
i’m so sorry you are feeling down. it sounds like this has been such a hard time for you. i’ve been so inspired by your determination to keep going through this journey - to keep active, to keep running for god’s sake! i really hope you feel a little better soon. know you aren’t alone.
xx
jo