Day 9 post round 2 and feeling better today thankfully. This round of EC has been brutal and I have to admit I’m terrified for round 3. My mental health has taken a huge bash too. I’m cold capping but trying to be realistic about the fact there’s a good chance I’d lose a fair bit of hair but after it coming out in handfuls, I decided I couldn’t cope, so had my beautiful long silver hair cropped. I was having panic attacks with it falling out all over me. I was literally having a meltdown, bursting into tears and feeling like I was going to vomit! I can’t touch my head and my wonderful husband has to discreetly pick any hairs off me I find as just to see them on me makes me nauseous. Has anyone else felt like this or am I just turning into a basket case?!
I just posted in the January thread that I’m afraid to touch my hair. There were a few strands on my trousers the other day and I almost had a meltdown. Don’t know what I’m scared of, I don’t even have nice hair! I just don’t like the feeling of knowing that it’s something I can’t control.
Bless you my lovely. Our hair will grow back & will have your beautiful long silver hair again. Good husband caring for you. I’m pleased you’re feeling better today.
I’m scared too, I’ve always trusted my body, fed it well & kept it strong & active & just had to have a shower as I absolutely stank & could barely stand up so am now laying on the bed without the energy to put any lotion on looking at how much weight I’ve already lost & thinking more-there’s still more of this to come???
Here for you & we are in this together xx
@emilyxxx, today was the day for me too. My hair has gone now. It became so thin that it just looked shit. And I was becoming frustrated with finding my hair everywhere. I’ve popped a hat on now to go to bed because my head is so cold!
@whataloadof it sounds like you’re having a particularly bad time. It makes sense that you’re feeling so weak if you’re struggling to fuel yourself. Are you going to contact your hospital/team to ask them their thoughts? I don’t like the thought of you or anyone else suffering so badly.
Oh @whataloadof I’m so sorry to hear how much this cycle is knocking you about ! I wish I could give you a big hug xx it’s just so shit for all of us that we are going through such a tough time and you’re right, it’s unfair and just wrong ! I really hope you can start to get your appetite back as that will then give you the energy you need xx
@emilyxxx how incredible are you for braving the shave!! How do you feel now? Do you feel like you’ve taken some control back? I still haven’t done it yet although I do think next weekend may be the right time for me. I’ve now lost well over 50% after washing mine this morning. I’ve decided now to keep it covered and out of the way in a turban at all times. I can’t stand the hair constantly falling out around me when it’s down. My scalp is getting patchy and thin now.
@Jaygo sorry you’ve hit the crash today! Better days are coming, I promise xx
Amazing xxx how do you feel now? More in control? Also your eyebrows look incredible by the way xx
I don’t know if I’ve processed it yet, @shell86!
I’ve been going to my hairdresser for 16 years now and we’re friends. We both had a talk and a cry before he got to work!
And with regards to my eyebrows, thank you! I haven’t lost them yet, but they are microbladed under there in case they decide to leave me as well! I think I’ve lost a few eyelashes but there were still plenty there to put a bit of mascara on.
@shell86 thank you. It was a monumental crash day for sure. Feeling calmer now and in a bit less pain. Filgrastim started today though. Blegh! Anyway, breast surgeon appt tomorrow at 9am. We keep on soldering on…just about. x
@shel86 The relief is huge! No more stresssing over hair loss there’s enough to worry about right now isn’t there, and oddly my hubby loves it I’ve told him it’s not staying once things over 
@sheraldo You look stunning well done xx I hope you feel relieved too xx
@whataloadof hope you are feeling better today? If not please contact the hospital to see if they can help xx
Big hugs to everyone today feeling the pressures of all of this today’s another day closer to the end of this! Xx
@Jaygo good luck with hospital appointment today hope it goes well xxx
@emilyxxx and everyone reading this. Thank you and sending love to all. You are right, Every day that goes by is a day closer. Baby steps. XXX
Oh love, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s frightening when your body suddenly doesn’t feel like something you can rely on anymore, especially when you’ve looked after it so well. That loss of trust is huge, and it’s completely understandable to feel scared and overwhelmed by it all.
Please be kind to yourself — just getting through a shower can be enough some days, and that is enough. Try not to look too far ahead if you can; one day, or even one hour at a time, is plenty.
Thank you for sharing so honestly, and for reminding me we’re not alone in this. Sending you love and strength.
Amanda xx
You look fabulous and not having to deal with your hair falling out everywhere will be a relief. Sending you love and hugs xx
Thanks @emilyxxx. Had a bit of a curved ball thrown. Not responding to chemo as hoped. Going through another battery of tests and then might be looking at stopping chemo and cracking on with mastectomy. Surgeon says she’s not overly worried and that I am still being treated as curative.
Obviously it feels a bit unnerving, but I will continue to trust that they can zap it with something else.
Thank you for your kind words. Knowing we have to do this but balancing it with tolerable side effects-they must know what they’re doing so I’ll have a good talk to the registrar next week. He had mentioned skipping round 3 & going straight to doxe so just have to hope I can cope better with that?!
I’ve had porridge & some papaya (good for gut!) & yogurt today already so that feels much better despite another sleepless night. Thank you for your kind words. Shite for all of us this whole thing xx
1 day down. Hope you’ve started the week well xx
Sorry to hear that, hopefully you won’t be waiting too long for your surgery xx