I am really stressed an beating myself up. I was diagnosed 4 weeks ago in a district general. Surgeon was great at going through options and strongly recommended mastectomy and reconstruction using tummy fat. I was expected to make a decision in a short time whilst reeling from diagnosis. This op would need to be done at tertiary hospital. I said I didn’t want any delays to treatment pathway but asked to proceed.
Four weeks on I am still in limbo and very very worried about the delay. I have seen breast surgeon, plastic surgeon, had a MRI and CT scan and now waiting for the impossible - an urgent day (because it is an 8-10 hour op) in theatre when two surgeons are free … and feel like it is my fault for choosing this route. Imagining all the time the cancer cells multiplying and racing round my body.
The surgery comes with major risks, including poor healing which will delay chemo. On top of all this will have
five days in hospital - and my beautiful son is in the middle of his GCSEs.
I wish I had chosen a full mastectomy four weeks ago and it would be done by now. So stressed.
Hi OnceWild, sorry to hear you are so stressed out and not surprising given the circumstances.
I’m going in for lumpectomy tomorrow…over 7 weeks after being diagnosed. The delay is because I wanted the surgeon I met with and he couldn’t fit me in earlier.
My first question was of course ‘But won’t the cancer spread more in that time’. He said no. Don’t worry. It takes much longer than that.
Then I had a chat with the BC nurse and said again that I was worried about waiting so long. She said it would take about 18 months for there to be a significant spread of cancer cells and it’s perfectly safe to wait a couple of months.
I hope this has reassured you. Please don’t beat yourself up. You were put in a horrific position of having to make a life-changing decision on the spot!
You have done nothing to cause the cancer & it will not be any worse because of the delay. So let go of any guilt. Be kind to yourself. This will all be over soon thank goodness & in the meantime concentrate on taking it one day at a time.
Take care and thinking of you,
Pat xx
Oh, love, don’t beat yourself up. It’s all so difficult and were caught in this whirl of wanting to get treated and safe while trying to make massive decisions about surgery and other treatments. I had the screening in November, core biopsy December, 1st WLE January, 2nd WLE February - still no cleared margins, planned holiday March, 2nd opinion April with MRI, back to original hospital last week and saw plastic surgeons yesterday to plan mastectomy and recon.
And I’ve run away to see my new granson in Dublin twice.
And I still don’t really feel I know what I’m doing or if I am going ahead or flippin wot. I can feel the medics are pushing me now but they did say that nothing would have changed over these last few months, but of course I worry. And I’m so grateful it’s been picked up, but it might never have become cancer, but the treatment seems so harsh.
So, here we are, thank heavens we have this forum. I know I’m just banging on in this post, I don’t think this helps anyone else and not sure it’s moving me on, but need to just SAY this stuff.
Hope things sort for you, Once Wild, all my best wishes, Caroline
It’s not too late to change your mind if you feel you’ve made the wrong decision ,ring them today and say you want to discuss different options ,it’s your body if you feel this is not right shout out now. My son was in the middle of his exams when I was diagnosed this time last year,not good timing !!
Flipping heck! What is it with exams and breast cancer? My chemo has been delayed due to wound healing issues and I am due my first fec tomorrow. My son is going through his gcses!
Oncewild as the other ladies have said this delay will make no difference, however it has given you valuable thinking time. If you want to change your mind ring the BCN and say, or the surgeons secretary. It’s your body and your choice xx
Hi OnceWild. I hope I can reassure you a little about the mx and your son, although it’s just a really difficult time whatever anyone says, so I’ll send a hug too xx
I had a single mx plus removal of my pectoral muscle at the end of November last year for a soft tissue sarcoma in my right breast. I now have one DD boob and have recovered really well. I still experience some discomfort wearing a foob for long periods (pressure directly on my chest wall without the muscle - or the fat! - to cushion it) but it is improving. The biggest issue for me has been answering the door at home because I mostly don’t wear a foob around the house. The winter was easier as layers of clothes disguise the monoboob, but now I’m mostly just wearing a t shirt I keep a softie near the door and shove it in if I need to answer the door! Some days I think ‘So what?’ and go to the door without bothering with a foob - after all, it’s not my fault I had to have a boob amputated and if I’d lost a leg I wouldn’t feel embarrassed. I can honestly say that only a couple of people have noticed and were embarrassed to be caught looking
It’s a work in progress, obviously, and my mood varies, but the boob had to go and it’s not advisable for me to have a recon as it could mask a recurrence, so I am getting on with it and most of the time it is absolutely fine 
It is terrible timing for your son and I would contact his head of year for a chat about your concerns so they can keep an eye on him during exams. I was dx just after my son started his final year at uni and my daughter year 13. It has been an extra level of stress for them, no denying that, but we talk a lot and they are doing just fine. I now have 3 monthly scans as sarcomas are aggressive, my type especially, but they take it in their stride. They both have lovely friendship groups and supportive grandparents and together we have muddled through. It’s not what I would have chosen, but kids are resilient if they know they are loved and feel able to talk about their worries.
My mx was my first stay in hospital and first operation and I was scared - that’s perfectly normal. I tried not to think about the whole thing, just deal with the next step and keep as busy as possible. Another hug (((OnceWild))) xx
Thank you Claire and Tat4 - I laughed when I read your door answering approach! My decisions are not over it seems as BCN phoned today and wondered if I wanted her to ask surgeon about keeping my skin with a temp implant … not sure what this is/means but anything that helps me keep my skin lures me in. I will talk to her tomorrow after preop and listen properly this time. Still cautious about anything that might delay chemo. Too hard by far but thanks so much for replies and hugs x