I went through exactly the same. I found research that said it 'may not be necessary to have a mastectomy. I had grade 3 DCIS in October 2009 after a routine mammogram. I ran 15k per week, highly paid job (freelance, so no money if I didn’t work and OH just given up work to do a degree), three kids etc and I felt OK. I read of the stories of ‘over diagnosis’ of DCIS with surgeons too ready to operate. When I researched more, it was clear that none of the journalists distinguished between the ‘stages’, and it is the case that some hospitals recommend mastectomies for grade 2 - which one could argue may not need it (but each case is unique and your wife’s team will have the latest guidelines that they are following, which take account of the latest findings, based on clinical truths). My surgeon explained all this, but didn’t push me - and indeed, the guidelines mean he shouldn’t.
I had the mastectomy and immediate LDFlap reconstruction in November 2009, with no chemo or radiotherapy and was told ‘that’s the end of it’ and was back at work in 6 weeks.
In June 2010, I found a tiny pea-sized lump in breast and went to GP. He said it was nothing. By October 2010 it seemed to have grown. The short version is that I got myself back to the clinic and was diagnosed with Stage 2, grade 3 breast cancer (two tumours - 1 tiny and 1 of 2cms) in the reconstructed breast.
I’m on my second chemo now and have 6 more to go, more surgery (will lose the reconstruction), the radiotherapy and then a few years of injections.
The ‘theories’ (as this is all it can be at the moment) is that with such widespread DCIS, there was actually a tiny bit of invasive cancer already there (as Marjay refers to in her response) which got ‘left behind’ OR that a bit of DCIS tissue was left behind and grew into two pieces of invasive cancer. I like the first option as it would be less aggressive.
Anyway, the point is that I would be in a much worse state now if I hadn’t had the surgery as my DCIS was clearly very volatile. Cancer is often a journey, but luckily the advice and outcomes (even if it doesn’t go quite to plan as in my and Welsh Girls examples) are very very good at DCIS or even primary cancer stage.
So, only your wife can decide, but she must have all the info from her team - and don’t forget, she has a right to a second opinion. If you can’t be demanding now, when can you be?
There is no right way…and unfortunately we all react differently and the pathology of each person’s cancer/DCIS is different.
Also, there is no need for your wife to ‘turn down’ any job. If there is any ‘turning down’ to do, leave it to the company who offered her the job. Just be clear and honest with them as she has already been - and don’t over-promise on when she can be ready to get back to work (I went back too soon). I had no rights to keep my job, but both times, the companies I was freelancing for came up with ways to help me; I’d only been working for one for 3 months and the other for 2 months; if she is right for the job they can get someone in to cover her role until she is ready. (PS: I’m 53).
I appreciate how difficult it is, but the most difficult bit is accepting that yes, she will have to be part of the NHS machine for a bit, but this doesn’t change her. Once you and she have made the decision, it is easier to feel you are driving the machine.
Good luck over this difficult time.
Annie