Hi all,
I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right place, but could do with sharing with people who may well know what I’m goinig through. This is the first time that I’ve ever posted on a forum.
i was diagnosed in oct 2008, lumpectomy, chemo, radio & herceptin. Then in nov 2009 I moved to Southampton to be with my boyfriend of 6 1/2 yrs. huge change for me. New house, trying to start up my self employed business again (severely underestimated how hard that would be), new area where I had to make new friends, & of course, moving my herceptin treatment so a change of hospital & all the support network that went with it.
A couple of months ago I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety & about a week ago, my boyfriend said he couldn’t do this any more. I can’t say as I blame him. My change of character in the past year or so must’ve been incredibly difficult to live with. he himself has also been having counselling but not told me because he didn’t want to worry me, but then it got to the point when he couldn’t tell me & it went beyond retrieval. I’m devastated.
Does anyone else think that the Tamoxifen has something to do with this? I’m sure that by having all the oestrogen sucked out of your body means that all the “softness” goes.
Would appreciate any advice from anyone, but please I’m looking for positive & not men bashing!!
Emma x
hi,
dont know how usefull my two pennyworth will be to you, but felt so sad when i read your comment. Have you discussed your depression with your oncologyst?? There have been lots of posts on here where people have changed their hormone therapy once the hospital doctors knew what effect it was happening.
you could also ring the helpline, they will be very good at talking this sort of thing through.
has your boyfriend said he cannot carry on no matter what happens, or he cannot carry on as things are?
Just playing devils advocate here, and please dont be cross with me if I have got this completely wrong. But relationships do breakdown all the time. Is there any possibility that it would have ended anyway without the cancer treatment and depression?
I cannot imagine how you are feeling, it must all see so much to bear. I know there are people on here who have had relationship changes and hopefully someone will be on soon to share with you
Hi, I havnt been on here for ages, but I too am in need of a little support right now. I read your post and the ‘softness’ line just made me go ‘Thats me’ Diagnosed 3.5 years ago, seemed to have everything going chemo, mx, rads, herceptin, recon, ovary removal, infections, implants in and out and in and out again!!! Anyway my marriage broke down at the begining of this year (after18 years together and 2 kids). I felt that he could have been there fore me emotionally at the time of the bulk of my treatment and he burried his head in sand (in my oppinion), anyway the point that im trying to make to you is that I have thought time after time that maybe i have become hard and the fact that most of my ‘womanly body parts’ have been taken away or messed with only makes me harder!! I dont know if this will help you at all but i just wanted to let you know that someone else has the same thoughts.
Hope you do ok in the end.
xx
Hi,
I don’t know if this really helps but I found myself becoming increasingly moody after chemo and had the most terrible surges of anger and frustration - usually aimed at my OH but anyone really . The Dr put me on a low dose of Anti Depressants - citalopram and they ironed out the mood swings and I felt more in control and like my old self. They might be worth a try…
hope things improve for you soon and be kind to yourself
cheers
Caroline
Thanks for the support girls. I’m currently on Venlafaxine which I’ve been taking for a couple of weeks now, so should be kicking in. I think the problem I’m having with accepting it is 1) it’s still very early on & 2) he’s making the decision when I personally feel maybe neither of us are in a fit state to decide something so final after 8 1/2 yrs. All seems so terribly sad x
It does seem terribly sad and my heart goes out to you. After all you have been through it is no wonder that you have changed. I see you say your boyfriend has had counselling on his own. I wonder if some couples counselling which you could do together might be worth a go to try and save the relationship. I know that organisations like Relate have long waiting lists but if you are anywhere near a Maggies centre you can usually be seen for counselling reasonably quickly. They are happy to speak with partners and family also not only the person who has cancer.Personally I have found my local Maggiies to be a tremendous source of support.
THanks Annemarie, I suggested Relate, but he doesn’t seem to want to. We continue to live in the same house, luckily big enough that we can have our own space. Sad thing is that we don’t hate each other, just such a very sad situation. I don’t know whether time will resolve things, I just don’t think so at this point. Seems such a shame after everything we’ve been through x