Depression

Hi all,
It’s 12 months since I was told at the age of 41 that I would need a left mastectomy plus 75% of my lymph nodes removed, followed by chemo, then radiotherapy, then Tamoxifen & Herceptin.
I thought once I got to this stage all the bad stuff would be behind me. But it just seems worse. I feel like the old me has died and I hate what I am now.
I know that I need to accept what has happened - but I just can’t.
Life seems so empty and lonely. I don’t know where to turn for help.
x

Dear Sammie

I am sorry to read that you are feeling so low at the moment, please call our confidential helpline for support and help, our specialist nurses will be able to guide you to other forms of support too. It opens at 9am-5pm Mon-Fri and Sat 9am-2pm on 0808 800 6000.

Kind regards
Lucy
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hi sammie

I am almost identical to you… 12 months ago (well end August to be truthful) I was told I had BC at the age of 41, had Mastectomy etc, etc and I feel totally low now! I’ve posted all about how I feel elsewhere on the site, yesterday in fact!! so I shan’t bore you with the details again.

I just wanted you to know that I feel the same and I am really struggling to get going again, so you are not alone, it seems lots of us are feeling very much the same at the moment :frowning:

Thinking of you.

Lynn x

Lynn,

How are we going to get through this? I can be strong for others, but not for myself anymore. Where can I find your posting yesterday?

S
x

Hi ya

I posted here, not very exciting but it’s saying all the things we have been saying & feeling, I think??
breastcancercare.org.uk/bcc-forum/discussion/12898/treatment-finished-and-feeling-low-by-radwan/

Have a peek cos we are not alone on this one

Lynn
xxx

Hi - it must be something in the air. I was diagnosed in May this year and mastectomy and LD reconstruction in June. I have been so positive up to last week. I feel so down thinking that once the chemo has finished, then the radiotherapy I have year of Herceptin. It seems never ending. And like you - I just don’t feel the same person, and can’t see that I will be the same ever again. I start Tax on 10th October - just finished 3 FEC and an injection of Neulasta last week and hit rock bottom since then.

We try to keep positive for everybody else don’t we. I’m not answering the phone and don’t want anybody to visit.

Take care

Brenda xx

Hi everyone, emphasise with you all so much! I feel dreadfully low at the moment, not helping that I’ve hurt my back and am not very mobile! I was diagnosed April 06, mastectomy followed by chemo and rads, and now 5 years on tamoxifen. Have put on loads of weight which just can’t seem to even start shifting, and just feel so unattractive and so boring (cos don’t work any more and have nothing to talk about!). Know I’ll never be the same person I was and it makes me so sad.

Know what you mean Brenda about not answering the phone and not wanting any one to visit - just how I feel at the moment. Feel like just staying in bed all day. Will we ever feel any better? Anyway, it’s good to be able to post on here, to let our true feelings out isn’t it? Best of luck to everyone.

Love and hugs, Jean xxx

I was talking to a friend of my niece’s who had BC last year and on Tamoxifen. She said the same doesn’t feel attractive anymore and she is. I was a terrible flirt but I can’t see myself doing that ever again. I stayed in bed half of yesterday but have made the effort to get up today a bit earlier. My daughter on her way back for a quick visit so making the effort - so I suppose if you have to - you do. At least people understand when I say I don’t want to talk and hopefully by next week we may feel better eh?

Bxx

Hi Brenda, do hope so. Just had to cancel trip to Cornwall for long weekend, cos of my bad back - just seems that everything’s conspiring against me at the moment! Never mind, you’re right, we may feel better next week - let’s hope so anyway! Thanks for replying so quickly, at least I know someone out there understands how I feel!
Love Jean xx

Hi Jean & Brenda

It certainly makes me feel a bit happier knowing that so many of us our feeling about the same!

I have no one to talk to about this at home as my hubby works away all week and is so stressed about work when he comes home at weekends, I daren’t upset him by moaning about BC. He says we have to forget about it now and put it behind us… easier said than done, eh?

My GP doesn’t seem to take in how I am feeling inside as I’ve not been offered any sort of support and my BCN is busy with ill people so I don’t like to bother her. In fact I guess you have to laugh… I had to see my GP a couple of weeks ago and I was telling him that we may be moving back down to England due to hubbies job, and my lovely GP turned round as I left and said “don’t forget to let us know when you leave, as you are one of the youngest ladies the practice has seen with BC” - just what I wanted to hear!

Oh well, hope we all feel better soon.

Lynn x

Hi Ladies

I am sorry you all feel like me, but also glad to know I am not alone. I know what you mean about not wanting to talk to hubby about BC, I do want to put it behind me but this aniversary looming is not helping I’m sure, plus all my crappy ailments which you can read in my other thread about wanting to give up hormone treatment.

Hope we all feel better soon

Irene

Hi,

It’s so reassuring to know I’m not alone - thank you so much for posting messages on here.
You’ll see the 2nd message was from the Breast Cancer Care Moderator suggesting I call their helpline. I had to sit and think about this for a while as I wasn’t sure what I’d say - but I did pick up the phone. They were fantastic. I couldn’t speak at first - just cried - but I was not made to feel foolish. I’m going to make use of the ‘peer’ support and also hope to attend the next Younger Womens Residential in Leeds.
I hadn’t realised that I needed so much support, but taking that first step has made such a difference. It really is worth the call.
Lynn - if you’re reading this, ( email address removed - moderator) - lets talk.
Sam
x

Hi Lynn,

Just having to wait until the moderator accepts my registration - don’t know how long that will take, but as soon as it’s through I’ll get in touch via private messaging (took me ages to figure out what PM stood for!!)

Hope you’re ok.
Sam
x

me too!

I’m 4 years post diagnosis and am having a blip at the moment :(((((((

xxxxxxxx

Hopefully we can all chat soon!

Lynn x

Hi all,

It’s so good to be able to ‘talk’ to others who feel like I do. Feel so low today - had a really s**t day - everything that could go wrong has done, not BC related though, just life! Going to see GP tomorrow - if I feel like I do now - will just be a jibbering wreck! This is such a horrible disease, and it doesn 't seem to get any better does it? Sorry to be so low. Thinking of you all, at least we can let off steam on this wonderful website!

Jean xx

Hi girls - just read all your posts and feels like I am reading about myself. Sent the kids to school then went back to bed for 4 hours and ignored the door and phone!!! My medical history is on various posts but briefly diagnosed 4 years ago had wle, 6xfec, radio, ovaries removed and now on exemastane. Then DCIS diagnosed this summer, just had mastectomy with recon 3 weeks ago.

Like you Sam I have applied for the peer support group(I think it’s that) but not sure if they are accepting me as I am not invasive this time.

I feel can’t keep going on about my feelings to husband and friends - even though they are all brilliant - I feel everyone is bored with it and I am too but have loads of unresolved feeelings under the surface.

Anyway off to the hospital again tomorrow - I don’t seem to go anywhere else!!! I just feel it is taking over but what can we do??

Take care

Sarah x x x

Hi Sammie and all who replied

I was diagnosed in March 2006, had mastectomy with immediate recon, chemo, axilliary clearance and radiotherapy in March. During Radiotherapy I became very low and weepy and couldnt cope with anything. Everyone thought I should be celebrating as I was at the end of treatment - that was the last thing I felt like doing! I felt I was stuck on the edge of a cliff and could not move on.
My Oncologist arranged some counselling for me - the first time I just kept crying! My GP was very supportive and after a few weeks advised some antidepressants to ‘get me back on track’. I reluctantly agreed and after a few weeks started to feel a little better. I could only cope with 1 small thing at a time though. The counselling really helped - I could say just how I felt to a stranger. He helped me become positive again and regain some confidence.

My husband arranged a holiday in June even though I said I didnt want to go. But that was my turning point - just to get away from everything and do ‘normal’ things again. Last year I thought I would never sit on a beach again, wander along the seashore and visit beautiful sites and scenery. But I did! And as the holiday went on, I felt better and better.

I did wonder how I would feel when I came back home, but I was fine. I was ready to move on and get on with my life. I contacted my employer and arranged to start being phased back in at work (I was very fortunate that they kept my job open for me). I make sure I get plenty of rest - if I get overtired the old ‘cant face that’ feeling hovers over me! The tablets and counselling both helped - I think its worth trying anything to help you feel better and start living again. After all, anything can happen as we all know. I know its easier said than done, but get all the help thats available. We deserve it!

Best wishes to everyone

Pam x

Hi there everyone

Am new to the website but BC has been part of my life for so many years. My mother had BC as did many of our female family so, when I was diagnosed at 42 I started Genetic Testing. A year later the results came back positive for BRCA1 and I had prophylactic removal of my remaining breast and ovaries. I have been BC free for 9 years now. Prior to diagnosis I was a very fit and active Police Officer with many commendations to my name. A year after diagnosis I was diagnosed with Lymphoedema which is severely restricting. I am now overweight and hate my body (well it doesn’t seem to be mine anymore) I can’t get clothes to fit because of the ‘huge’ left arm so how can I get back to ‘normality’ when I’ve forgotten what it is? I’m loads better than I was but the ‘black dog’ comes back and bites me on the bum too often these days. I feel useless as I can no longer work and then the feelings of guilt that I’m whingeing when a lot of the firls didn’t make it thru to whinge about ill-fitting clothes.
I have read a book lately that has really helped called 'Depression- the way out of your prison by Elizabeth Rowe. It’s a no nonsense approach in self-help and proved more valuable than any session with a CPN (usually male)
We will make it!! I was single at the time of diagnosis and still am…all that explaining to do!!!

Hi girls

Just want to jump in and add another depressive to the mix! I was diagnosed August 06 and lately have been feeling completely flat. I’ve lost interest in most things that I once enjoyed: reading, socialising, even watching telly.

I don’t think they (the health service/our breast care teams) spend nearly enough time and money on aftercare. I complained about significant joint and muscle pains which I suspect is caused by Tamoxifen and was told, “Tamoxifen isn’t known for that. And anyway, you CAN’T come off it”. I feel like a female Victor Meldrew, always moaning about something!

Sorry about the lymphoedema, Lilypink. That must be difficult and you have every right to whinge. There will always be people worse off than us but there are a lot of people a lot better off, too. It’s natural to be bitter sometimes.

Lola x