Hi all,
Cathy, I think a mother’s love for her child is completely different to the love (and attraction) we have for a sexual partner. You’re right, it’s a very interesting debate. I do believe once one has made the commitment to be with one partner for life, then it’s about much more than mere appearance. Goodness knows, I don’t have the same body I had when I married (2 kids in 15 months, caesarean section etc saw to that), but that’s not affected our relationship. Also, pleased to be able to report loss of hair hasn’t affected it either!
It’s an interesting pychological point that women who have not yet borne children, and are in their 30s, tend to grow their hair quite long (think “Friends”). This is subconscious on these women’s part, but it is to prove to potential mates that they are still fertile enough to bear children. Your hair grows less quickly, and less thickly, once you are of menopausal age. Guess who did psychology at nightclasses to prevent her brain turning to mush whilst stuck at home with two very young children?!
Hi Sue
This is a very interesting discussion, lets hope it keeps running because I do feel that the media would like us to think that unless we are beautiful, slim etc that we won’t be loved, but in reality, that’s not the case. i do appreciate there is a big difference between mother love and sexual love, but the initial sexual attraction that we feel with a new partner does fade quickly and is replaced by something much more substantial over time. Thank god, or I would be definitely on my own!!! I suppose we all have things about people that are big turn offs. I don’t mind baldness in men, but that is maybe because it is a sign of virility with all that extra testosterone that causes hairloss in men and bald men can still be very sexy and healthy? However, baldness in women is associated with illness, which is a different issue completely,I also did psychology at nightschool, then went on to do it for a degree!! It is a fascinating subject with no right or wrong answers.
All -
The media would indeed have us believe that to be loved one needs to be beautiful, thin, healthy, savvy and rich. And who exactly fits that description? Surely not us. Surely not real women or men. And what does this projected image have to do with reality when it comes to physical problems, raising a family (or step-family), encountering daily obstacles of everyday life? Nothing.
I agree that the initial sexual attraction is very strong attraction. However, after a few years it burns itself out as the relationship changes. We do have to admit that the relationship we had with our OH is now different than the day we married or got together. And it should be – how shallow or empty would it be if it were static? We grow, we change, and hopefully, we bring along our partners with us and we change together.
Having BC brings out so many other issues. It seems to act like a challenge. It makes intimacy difficult since it is overladen with so many other emotional feelings. And then mixed with the ongoing issues that life throws us. It is truly complex.
Emily
xxx
To go off an a slightly different tangent, I was really annoyed at Tom’s reaction to Lynette’s cancer in general (that it was all about her & her problems, not his) - and at Lynette for agreeing with him that she had become a ‘cancer bore’. Tom seems to have missed the point that it is his job to be Lynette’s rock. If he want’s to do the ‘Oh woe is me I’m having a hard time too’ then he can do that with his mates, not with Lynette. No matter how hard it is to watch someone going through cancer, it is much harder actually doing it. We have the emotional/psychological difficulties of it as our partners do, coupled with the shere bl**dy misery of the side effects of the treatment.
Absolutely right Roadrunner. However, it doesn’t mean we can’t be sensitive to our partner’s feelings! I got the impression Lynette hadn’t considered him at all!
I think what they are trying to show with Tom is that he cares but doesn’t quite know how to act. There was that whole thing in an earlier episode about letting her win at cards. The “cancer bore” comment did make me think just how obsessed I am about the myself while I’m doing chemo.
I think that is one of the biggest problems I have found with this cancer milarky. It is all-consuming. You do become boring. I can see my husband’s eyes glazing over when I talk about radiotherapy etc. He tries to appreciate how I am feeling but I don’t think its possible unless you are the one with the cancer. I have tried not to let it take over my life, but try as I might, it always seems to, even in the mildest way, such as having to schedule everything around radiotherapy etc.
What about the dead possum thing last night then? If I go out and shoot something will my oncologist pop round to the house to tell me I’m all clear??
only if you aim straight and dont get caught !!
Hi all…
I have never watched DH and can only imagine the series (I hate american sitcoms - sorry if I offend!)
I thought I’d joint this thread as I have just shaved my hair from a lovely bob into a 3/4" crop as it was getting on my nerves falling. I am just awaiting hubby home from work and he is gonna be shocked! Infact I can hear him now…oh Sh*t - will let you know how I get on!!!
Anita
Just to let you all know - he was lovely about it and asked if a hairdresser had done it (must have done an ok job)
I must admit that I do look like a fat GI Jane - but what the hell - lol!!
Anita
I haven’t seen Desperate Houswives but my boyfriend was telling me about the episode where she put on a new wig and said “tonight i am going to be slutty cheerleader” I said if he had any secret fantasies about getting it on with a blonde/redhead or whatever then now is his chance. I have bought a selection of wigs and they are all brunette like my natural colour, but different lengths and styles and he said it is quite fun to be going out with me sporting a different “look” every weekend.
But the crux of the matter is he is still loving and supportive. He admitted he was worried that when I began chemo I might just be stuck in bed sleeping and throwing up, which is not the case so far. He has encouraged me not to wear wigs or scarves when relaxing at home with him and I worried he might go off me sexually if he had to sleep next to me with a bald head but thankfully I have been proven wrong, it is ME that has an issue with being intimate with him unless I’ve put on a wig. The day I showed him my grade zero head he told me I am still beautiful. I think the only thing that would put him off being intimate with me would be if he feared I was feeling too ill and too weak to actually enjoy it, which thankfully hasn’t been the case so far. He stayed away from me after my op when I had my stitches but once they were removed and I assured him it was OK and he would not hurt me if we “did stuff” it was OK.
Anita I am glad to hear your husband was lovely about your new look xx
My husband has been great about my bald head, and it certainly hasn’t affected our intimacy (oooh - how coy!). However, I’m to get a Hickman line in next week (my veins in my arms are collapsing!) and I do feel that’s one step too far for the old intimacy. However, it has to be done. I can always wear a teeshirt!