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21

Hello Carrie,

Glad your chat wit the BC nurse went well. It’s amazing just how much help it is talking issues through with someone who can relate to what you are going through, a good perspective definitely returns.

I went for as walk down the beach at the weekend which was nice and am now testing the water at work. It really is hard as so much has changed since I last worked, and after four hours I felt physically and mentally exhausted. Also, some people just do not know what to say to me and others seem to view what I have gone through as a nasty bout of flu, however some people are real sweeties. I think I am going to have to be careful what I sign up to on the post return to work as I can see I may agree to more than I can cope with.

Anyway, hope you are still on the “up” and look forward to reading your next post.

Pauline

22

I have just picked up on this as I had my first FEC last Wednesday. The rest of the week I was the lowest I have ever been and really started to wonder whether I could do it. At 9am on Friday morning I called the BCC helpline and just blubbed. They were so good and asked me if I had heard about their “peer support”. On Monday they called me again to take some more details and to match me to someone of a similar age, with children and who had also had lymph node involvement. On Monday evening I got a call from my “peer” and it was the best therapy I had had for a long time. She was some years post diagnosis but her original feelings just seemed to mirror mine. We spoke for about half an hour and she was so reassuring that you DO get through this and you WILL be happy again.

I had a minor set back this morning when the District Nurse came to visit. I think she wanted to practice her amateur counselling skills on me. “Was I angry?” “Had the doctors told me everything?” and “Had my life changed since I was diagnosed?” I said that was such a stupid question I wasn’t even going to answer it. I knew I felt better because I felt like whacking the insensitive *****.

Judith

23

Hi Pauline

So you’ve finally gone back to work! I am not surprised you felt tired after 4 hours - I am in my third week of chemo and so am getting out and about but even if 'm out shopping or two hours, it drains me! It’s hard to know how to deal wiht people who don’t know what to say too - I am going to a conference early Feb and I know I will either be avoided by some of my colleagues, some will say totally the wrong thing and some will almost kill me with kindness.It is not something people find easy is it, bless them, but then again, not sure how I would be either. Really hope you get to settle back in though and you start to feel you have a part of your life back.

I went wig shopping yesterday with my Mum. I wasn’t really expecting to find anything I liked as the brochure was awful… but I was pleasantly surprised and found something not too disimilar to my hairstyle so I’m looking forward to it arriving! My taste is back this week too so I seem to be eating non stop! Thank the lord we have a reprieve in the third week and can enjoy life again. I love walking my dog. She seems to feel a bit neglected during the first week of chemo, then I spend the next two weeks making it up to her.

Still feeling slightly worried about a few aches and pains I keep having so am going to have a chat with onc on monday - about putting in a hickman line mainly - i had such a painful chemo experience last time that I’m already getting butterflies about the one next Tuesday. My only consolation is that it’s the 4th one and i’m almost home… hurrah, when it’s over, I am going to celebrate by doing something really mad/decadent - haven’t worked out what it is yet though!

Take care, hope you’re feeling well, Carrie x

24

Judith

Thanks for your message - I think I will ring bcc and be linked up with a peer as that sounds really useful. Hope your chemos get better. After my first, I found they became easier. I’ve got three more to go but I’ve learned so much as I’ve gone along. good luck, hang in there and avoid that district nurse! You don’t need it! She sounds like she needs to go back to nursing school! carrie x

25

Hi Carrie

A bit of a confession to make on the work front, went back for two days and not been back since due to a stinker of a cold! Been freaking out a bit this week as due to have the gall bladder op on 4 Feb and really worried that the cold will not be gone by then.

I saw the Onc on Wednesday and mentioned my aches and pains once again…these worry me more than the hot flushes. I am not sure where yours are but mine are in my hands, hips, knees, back, ankles and feet. After a thorough prod and feel he once again reassured me that its the menopause affects, something to do with oestrogen levels dropping to the floor. Anyway, he said that that when he seems me in 6 months time (I thought this sounded positive) he’d do a test to see if I had become post menopausal. I do still find these aches and pains disconcerting though.

Not sure if you have watery eyes, but this is another one of my ongoing complaints. To my relief the Onc said he could arrange for these to be sorted. Apparently dead cells can collect during chemo in the tear ducts and an eye surgeon needs to put a fine rod in each duct to clear the debris, a 10 minute procedure. So, the upshot is that I am going to have this done in March.

The hickman line sounds a good idea…I had a line put in my upper arm, I think they called it a picc line. Wasn’t such a great experience having it inserted and suffered from inflamation of the vein for a week after, but, thoroughly recommend it for chemo - it certainly takes away all the pain of finding a vein, and also it prevents the veins from collapsing. They just hook you up and inject / extract fluids at will.

Well done on the wig front. It’s such a relief to find one which suits, they always seem to look good on everyone else but not so good on me. Just to warn you, it may need thinning. I must be a bit slow as I didn’t realise that the vast majority of wigs need this to be done, so don’t be afraid to ask a hairdresser to do this for you!

Good luck on Tuesday, I will be thinking of you…just visualise me sitting at the end of the bed, egging you on.

Judith

Isn’t it good to hear that happiness returns? I know what you mean by feeling low, it’s the loneliest feeling in the world, but as your peer supporter mentioned, once the treatment ends you will be on the “up” once again. Not sure about your district nurse though, she seems to be a disaster area. Anyway, hope you are feeling brighter now. Remember every treatment that goes by, is one closer to your ultimate goal of chemo freedom.

Best wishes, Pauline