This is my first time posting in this forum. I’m 28 and my sister is only 35 with secondaries in her sternum and liver (diagnosed last week). I know there’s not much I can do to stop her illness but I really wan’t to help her emotionally and I’m not sure how. If there’s anyone out there with secondaries who could possibly give me some advice, I’d greatly appreciate it. I love my sister so much and it’s devastating to think of her going through this alone.
ps. She lives in England and I’m in Ireland so the distance isn’t making things easy at the minute either… though she does have a supportive husband there.
In addition to the support and information you will receive here from your fellow users, you and your sister are welcome to call our helpline where you can talk things through with someone in confidence. The helpline is open 9-5 weekdays and 9-2 Sat on 0808 800 6000.
BCC has published information about secondary breast cancer and further support your sister may wish to access, you can read more via this link:
Hello, so sorry to hear about your sister, she is so young - its really unfair eh? Can I suggest you look at some of the topics in Living with Secondary Breast Cancer - there are some truly great stories which really helped me when I was diagnosed with secondaries.Also, loads of information and knowledge which I hope will help you. I am about to undergo some treatment on my spine, but this is the first blip since being diagnosed nearly 2 years ago and I am confident it can be sorted, Loads of love to your sis, XX
Hi Debonair, I will certainly do that. Thank u very much and it’s good to know that you seem to be doing so well with secondaries. Good luck with the treatment on your spine. Thanks again, D xo
I am sorry to hear about your sister, it must be very difficult for you not knowing what to do to help. I echo what Debonair said about this site and reading inspiring stories. I know that I wouldn’t be in such a ‘positive’ frame of mind, since my secondary diagnosis, if it wasn’t for the ladies on here offering me support and encouragement.
I suggest that you encourage your sister to access this site and join us, we are a welcoming lot and all remember only too well the devastation we all felt when first diagnosed and would all offer help and support wherever we can.
Thinking of you both at what is a difficult time for everybody,
this forum is the best support by far that i have had. its by people that undersand and we all speak the same chat, feelings we have are felt by others, so try and get her to join.
my best advice to you, is be there for your sis as well as you can, be as normal as you can, and you get the support you need as its hard to watch people you love go through things you cant control.
Just to say I agree with the other girls - yes it’s a dreadful shock not only for the person with the secondaries but also for their family and friends but do have a look on the other sections mentioned.
My sister lives a long way from me and from day 1 we’ve kept things mostly as ‘normal’ but are now closer than before. I actually felt it was harder for her, my OH and parents to cope with than it was for me. I just thought 'Oh dear (well something a bit stronger than that!), let’s get on with the treatment.
I was diagnosed just with bone secondaries from initial diagnosis in July 07 so can’t help with the liver aspect. At the moment, everything is stable for me and the treatment appears to be working well but even when it stops working I know there are quite a lot of other drugs to try. I was actually at the hospital with a checkup with the surgeon yesterday and he doesn’t need to see me for another 6 months - he was pleased to see me looking so well. I go to the oncology clinic every 3 months so they can monitor me regularly.
So, 3 and a half years on, I’m doing fine and enjoying my new lifestyle.
I hope your sister, you and all the family can find hope in all this and wish you well.
I’m so sorry about you and your sister. There’re a lot in common between your sister and me.
I live in England but all the rest of my family live in China, although mum’s staying with me for a short time at the mo (I’m Chinese). I’ve got secondaries in bone (multiple places inc sternum) and liver. I’m 26, so also classified as too young to had cancer, let alone secondaries!
We all differ in how we deal with this illness emotionally, it’s really difficult sometimes to find the right words to say or the right thing to do. Being a long distance away can make it difficult to give her practical support yourself, but it’s good to know she has a supportive husband. Sometimes, I just find it helpful that people listen to my moans, complains, and worries. Rather than saying anything or making suggestions, a listening ear is sometimes the most important thing I need. So maybe a caring phone call, email might be helpful. What comforting for me is that people say “I love you” or “I’m thinking about you” or “I’ll pray for you”.
My bone was diagnosed in June last year and liver, April this year. Nearly finished all active treatment now and both bone and liver are stable at the mo. So, there is hope.
Just come back here if you (or your sister) want a bit more support. This website is great and helped me a great deal when I was going through my darkest times.
Hi Nicola, Poppy, Liz and m1yu. Thank you so much for your replies. It’s so touching to know that people who have secondary breast cancer can not only have the strength to cope with their own difficulties but actually want to share their experiences and help others. I think that is really amazing.
I will definitely tell her about this site because I’m sure that it must be such an isolating experience at times and would help to know that there’s so much support.
M1yu, it must be so hard for you to be away from your family, especially being only 26 years old. You seem incredibly strong and thank you for sharing your experience. Good to know that you are stable at the mo too.
And Liz that’s great that you are enjoying your new lifestyle. Really good to know that there’s so much hope because that is easy to forget at the minute.
But really thanks so much to you all. I have to rush out to work now but definitely feel bolstered by your kind comments.