DH's boss...GRRRRR!!!!

DH told his headteacher today that I will have an appointment coming up at the Breast Clinic. He was brushed off and told that he would be hard pressed to find a female over 21 in the school who had not been at the Breast Clinic with a lump(!). He said that he would be wanting the day off to come and the reply was “Why? You will not be needed or be much use there”!!!

His boss is a 47 year old female. What compassion eh?

Edited - to say OVER 21 not UNDER (Doh!) Still…

Wow - hope she hasn’t a husband/partner who gets cancer, 'cos he will get short shrift and told to pull himself together. Since when did a lot of females under 21 go to a breast clinic?

Not much use at the clinic ? - has she not heard of physical/emotional support? No wonder our educational system is in such a mess if other headteachers have the same attitude.

I am spitting nails, so better get off this site …don’t let her bully your DH - you NEED him there. My husband came to every appt with me, and I cannot thank him enough. I only heard some 20% of what was said to me and didn’t dare take a tape recorder as my friends in the US do, even to GP’s appointments - perhaps due to the litigation situation there, or incompetent doctors.

Take care - have a glass of wine as I am doing now to send my support to you both!

Cheers Liz,

DH said that he felt he needed to be there as there would be no way that he would leave me there all day on my own and as it is a 1 stop shop affair he would need to be there if there were any hint of results that day. She changed the subject after that so he snuck away and is taking it as a ‘yes’ he can go. Luckily his direct line manager is a sweetheart and is making sure that he will be free to come.


Hi Ladylumps

If i had any hair i would be pulling it out now… don’t some people make you sick :frowning:

In times like this we all need support from our loved ones. My hubby has been their for me from day one and if it wasn’t for him i don’t think i would be able to see this through.

Tell DH he is doing a fantastic job and we all love them for it. Just hope that women does not need support in the future… Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh and shes a headteacher… OMG.

Stick with what your doing and we are all here to support you and DH

Hugs from cyber space

Kirsty xx

P.S Maybe you should show her this site, just to let her know how many people are effected. Might shut her up. Sorry for ranting

I thought people are entitled to carer’s leave now


How bloody disgraceful!!! How dare she play god like that and decide whether you get the emotional support that you need! Makes me livid.

My hubby came to every appointment, apart from the one when the emdoc doctor found my lump, because my gp had told me there was no lump he thought she would say the same. The moment he realised this was serious stuff he, told his work colleagues, not asked that he would be attending every appointment with me. On the day of my surgery he had the day off and popped home during and popped back as soon as he could. And yesterday when I got my surgical results, I had my hubby, my darling wonderful mum (who has breast cancer) my sister and a best friend, and boy did I need them. Those people are what got me through yesterday, nothing else. Without them I would have been hysterical. So good on your DH for telling the old bag he was going, blooming cheek of the women!!!

my husbands employer gave him the time off to go to all my appointments with me, but made him use any holidays he was due. they have refused him paid compassionate leave.
my hubby has be there for me from day1 also, and i couldn’t have managed without his support. I think by law companies should be made to give paid compassionate leave for things like cancer. The boses at his work would all get paid leave for as long as they needed, in fact they are all in bupa paid for by the company (only the bosses ) - it’s unfair.

Ladylumps - your oh should report his headteacher to her boss for being such an uncompassionate, selfish, unfeeling, rude old bag.
i wonder what she would do if she was dx with bc. she needs brought down a peg or two.

What a b.tch.!! I strongly believe what goes around comes around. When her turn comes for needing compassion I hope she remembers her treatment of you and your marvellous husband.

What a bitch! Sorry but there is no other way to describe her. It’s ppl like her that give women a bad name.

I work in the NHS and they are the worst when it comes to allowing time off to support loved ones or even for my own appointments. Carer’s Leave is allowed at your Line Manager’s discretion I was told by HR and NOT allowed for planned events. That is to be taken in emergency situations. My husband’s firm allow him to take the time off but he has to use holiday entitlement, a bit rough as he has to save 4 1/2 days for their COMPULSORY Christmas shutdown anyway. After my surgery he plans to take is “emergency” carer’s leave by phoning up the day after I get home and saying I’m just not well enough to be left alone.

Em…er…I’m a Headteacher and we are not all like that! Even before being dx with BC in December I was always very sympathetic to any requests for compassionate leave. Yes of course it leaves you with a problem in that classes of children need a teacher and supply cover is very expensive, but the well-being of my staff has always been of paramount importance.

I hope all goes well for you and that your husband does not get any grief for attending with you.

Love Gill x

Hi Ladylumps

What a miserable bitch!! I wonder if she would need the support if she had to go to a breast clinic. This horrible disease is one of the worst things that can happen to you in life. We all need all the support we can to deal with this. I was really lucky my OH was told to take the time he needed. It was paid and not out of his holiday allowance. This horrible woman needs a good kick up the ar**

I’m sure you are a wonderful head teacher Gill … shame not all bosses are as understanding.

I can’t complain about my lot - they have been fantastic with me.

I’m in a similar situation, apart from the fact it is me who has had problems with work. Told my boss that I had finally got an appt for tomorrow, and she asked if I was coming in before the appt, and if so could we have the meeting that we had scheduled for that day (before I got the appt through)…errrr no, we can’t!! I’m probably not going to be able to think about much else beforehand, and we can have the meeting later in the week when I have hopefully been given the all clear!!

And yeah, she is a woman too, but apparently we ‘leave our emotions at the door when we come into work’…

so yeah, I feel for you and your hubby, hope he can get the time off xx

Mine can’t, so a friend from work is taking me!!

Left a message on your other thread about today. Sorry your boss is such a c0w! I have an appointment for 5.15pm on Tuesday so DH doesn’t have to take the day off and the witch can have her way.

"Leave your emotions at the door’ indeed. What do you do - programme robots? LOL!!


i work in a school and my headteacher told me not to come back until after my treatment and that she wants me to concentrate on getting better and fighting this thing. i’ve had flowers sent twice from the school, my headteacher has been fab and very supportive
the school i worked in previously to that the head there was a bitch, one of my kids took ill (then age 10) and i took 3 days of to care for her and on my return i was asked to get a neighbour to watch my kids when their ill. this head never had kids of her own. i wonder what she would have been like if i still worked their and having bc!

i think some bosses need a good slapping. i would never wish anything bad on anyone but i think some people need to step into your shoes to be able to understand .

Funnily enough, DH also got pulled up last week for taking a day off as our childminder was very ill at short notice. Usually it is always me who takes any ‘carer’ type days but I was delivering training that day and couldn’t be off if he could. He was spoken to rather sternly in front of colleagues and told that it future he would have to give more notice and tell her personally… which is bullsh*t really as he is entitled to 5 carer days a year. There is such differences between workplaces that basic boils down to how much a boss can be bothered to be put out, make alternative arrnangements or go out of their way to accommodate people.


firstly, she should never have spoken to him infront of other staff in that manner.
secondly, your OH should report his headteacher to her boss or go to his union. i went to my union about a headteacher and my union contacted her boss and told them that she couldn’t do what she did and my head got ‘spoken’ to by her boss - she was not a happy bunny that day.

Ladylumps - glad to see that you have an appointment for tomorrow - or is this the Ross Hall one?

Thanks Vodka, I have told him to do the same. He previously worked in a very ‘hard’, can-do environment and this type of thing washes over him but I keep telling him that other people will not look at it that way so he would be helping other people.

Lilacblushes, I will send you an email.