hi guys i too was diagnosed on thurs with stage 3 and just like you phil i am putting on a brave face for everyone else but me, i dont want them all to worry, and have checked my insurances. so worried that something is gonna go wrong. but my main concern is not having enough money to last as i do nights and will loose my night allowance bringing my income down, already on full benefits with rent and council tax.
Hi Guys
Sorry to hear all of this , but for someone who was diagnosed in June and being half way down the road, you will all be ok, just remain positive. Be honest with your families as this helps and most of all beleive in yourselves that you will get through this .
I am going for my 3rd operation because they still have not got clear margins on the 2nd Oct, but I have gone back to work for a couple of days a week, just for things to be normal .
Like you guys I have checked and claimed on my critical illness insurance and yes having a stash now in the bank makes a difference but im going to be here for a while yet.
Be brave, cry when you need to , but there is a light at the end , and you will all be here to see
xxx
Sailor girl thank you for your comment. It’s very helpful to me, especially when I think of those closest to me. When I look at it from their perspective and reassuring themselves then that seems much easier for me to accept and not get annoyed.
It’s quite normal to be scared. You have had your mortality challenged. Although we all know we are going to die some day, we assume it is so far in the distant future that we can ignore it. Then a cancer diagnosis throws the possibility of an early death right in your face, you can’t ignore it anymore. People glibbly talk about the possibility of going under a bus tomorrow, but the reality is no-one actually believes it will happen to them. I think part of the shock of a cancer diagnosis is that it is something that happens to ‘other people’ - we have all known of others with the disease and felt suitably sorry for them, safe in the knowledge it’s not us. And then suddenly we are that ‘other person’ and it’s very shocking and hard to take in.
As for others’ reactions - I think they truly believe you will be fine (and statistics usually back that up) but it is very irritating all the same, as it somehow belittles the enormity of the situation you are in, it’s like they are telling you that you have nothing to worry about when we all know that is not the case.
For the record - I am now five years on, fit and healthy, and loving every minute of life. Much more so than before. In the early days after diagnosis, and during all the treatment (which included herceptin so went on forever) I think I was in shock, and angry that this had happened to me. Why me? I was not grateful for the treatment I was getting - after all I started the process feeling fit and well, and the treatment was making me feel ill. However, now with the persepctive time gives, I am profoundly grateful to the NHS and really appreciate every day that I am still here. I definitely have a different perspective on life, and I would say a much better one. I am so aware that our time on earth is limited and we all need to make the most of it. I am trying my best!
Thank you road runner. My treatment hasn’t started and I feel great so your wise words are timely for me. A good friend and medic mentioned that I might feel down (and that go with it but ask for help rather than turn away from friends). Your story will probably be true for me and make sense of my friends comments. Forewarned is forearmed. It’s also good to know that eventually you can take some positive messages out of this.
Lolly girl welcome to the Forums. A more supportive place you willnot find. You are in such shock at the moment it all will seem sureal. It does get better just as hopefully you will. When you know what is happening post on here again to find others who are having the same treatment at the same time as you. This is such a comfort especially if you need chemotherapy or radiotherapy.
Phil BM you might find it useful to speak to other men who have been through this. The Helpline can put you in touch Tel 0808 800 6000,
Talking of the Helpline i found them so easy to talk to and tney were helpful and kind with even the smallest silly panic call.
I hope all goes well for you all