Well, I got the diagnosis. Invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 3, 2 cm. WLE booked for 22nd July, chemo and Herceptin will start in Sept, 18 lots I think, then radio, and Tamoxifen.
This site has been amazing.
I now think I will cope.
The waiting truly was hell.
Sorry I have no wise words, maybe in the future I will be able to give something back to this site. Until then, I know it will be such a help. Thank you for reading.
Jo x
Hello Jo,
Well I’m sorry you find yourself here of course, but I’m pleased to hear you are feeling calmer. 
That’s the thing about that first period: you really don’t know what you are up against. So your mind plays out every possible scenario. By the first week or two you have, in your mind at least, gone through telling all your friends and family of your impending demise, planned your funeral, said goodbye to your kids, experienced all the fears of having surgery, chemo, rads, being unable to work, getting really sick, right up to dying and beyond, how will your loved ones ever cope??
It doesn’t matter that most of this will never happen, and all that DOES happen, you WILL cope with, because, really, what option do you have?
You’ve triggered your “fight or flight” until you feel quite exhausted. Your instinct is to run and hide, but eventually you realise you cannot, … that all this is going to happen, whether you want it to or not, and no, it bloody well is NOT fair, but life is what happens eh?
So gird up your loins Jo, use all the support that your friends and family can give you. Remember it IS a rollercoaster, a proper white-knuckler, and you’ll go up and down (several times a day in my case!), and round and around, but hang tight and eventually you get there. It is, as they say, not fun, but doable!!!
I had my last of 25 weeks of chemo today. Steroid keeps me awake the first night!. There were times when I didn’t think I could make it this far, but now I definitely feel the worst is behind me. I’m tired and emotional, but from now on I can, and will, be able to have more of an impact on how I get on.
To begin with, I felt so much is passive from the patient’s viewpoint. You are the battlefield rather more than the warrior, while the surgeon and doctors do their stuff. From here on I feel I have more control. I will do what I can to become fit and strong again, and one day, God-willing, I will be able to put this all behind me.
And so, I hope, will you!
{{{Hugs}}} Rose
Thank you so much for your kind words Rose, you brought both a tear to my eye and a smile to my face! Yesterday at school we had an end of year Mass, celebrated in memory of the Headteacher who died (cancer) in April, former deputy head who died (cancer) in March, and deputy Head who died (heart attack) in January. The staff had been told about my diagnosis at a meeting on Weds, I had stayed in my room Thurs, and then yesterday Friday, I saw absolutely everyone at the Mass. I cannot believe the amount of hugs and love I got! I have seen people posting hugs on here and I didn’t really know what they meant, but by golly I certainly know now!! Some people are very private and want to keep it to themselves; I feel I have to tell everyone, because it is so massive, so intrusive, and with people’s support (I usually hate that word, it is so over-used!) plus the amazing support I am feeling from this forum, I know I will get through.
(((hugs back to you)))
Jo x
Big hugs Jo. All the best with your treatments.You are NOT alone
Valia
x
Hi Jo
You are in very good company and Rose’s message says it all, you are not alone and will get through this. I was equally shocked and angry if honest, like you, when I had my dx in April, what a bloody inconvenience and the prospect of becoming ill, when I felt fine really bothered me. I’m day 8 into my first chemo cycle and haven’t had it too bad so far apart from yesterday when I had to see my GP to get something for heartburn and indegistion.
I did loads of research and reading up on here about different chemo regimes which can be rather daunting but I wanted to be as well informed as I could so I knew what I was facing. I am part of the June Jewels who are a great bunch, we laugh, cry, rant, advise and support so be sure to join the July girls once you’re ready.
Big hugs 
Trish x
Smiling re the hugs!
Not long ago, when I lived in the UK, I would not have said I was a huggy person in the slightest! But when I came to Canada in 2005, one of the first things I did was join a Sweet Adelines (ladies barbershop) chorus, and found myself part of a wonderful group of about 55 ladies, many of my age, but varying between 20’s and 70’s!
I am now part of an amazing “sisterhood”, the like of which I had never dreamed, having had 4 brothers, and very few close friends in my 45 years in England! Hugs are very much on the agenda. Since I joined we had one friend pass away with ovarian cancer, and another left when she developed a brain tumour, but is doing ok.
When I found I had BC, I decided to let everyone know right from the start, as I reckoned people would be curious and it was better they knew what was going on. Secondly, and selfishly perhaps, I wanted to access the out pouring of emotional and practical support that I knew would result.
I have not been disappointed! But even before I got sick, I have never had so many hugs and compliments and people telling me they love me!! I feel a sense of family, acceptance and belonging, that I never came close to in the UK.
Having said that, although I didn’t know of Sweet Adelines International before coming here, they are very strong in Europe and they have some great choruses in the UK, so if you like to sing, and you want to be a part of something really special, then check it out. You don’t have to be a superdooper singer (although it helps if you can hold a line when the persons next to you are singing something different!), but every rehearsal is a learning experience.
I feel I have grown both as a singer and as a person since joining this amazing organisation, and while I have lost a lot through this disease this year, it is the one “normal” in my life, which is keeping me sane! 