Diagnosed, already had op and feel so alone....

Hi all,

First post - not even sure where to start…but basically i am 35 yrs old and was diagnosed on 25 april with invasive ductal stage 2, both hormone receptive (poss also herceptin positive, STILL waiting for this ratio to come back). Its all been happening so fast, i went to mammogram and scan expecting to be sent away with a flea in my ear, only to end up having a core biopsy done and then being told to come back for results just a week later and being told i had breast cancer.

 

Then a week after that the hormone bombshell dropped - my nurse (who couldnt be lovelier) said this is good as they can give me a protection etc with the tamoxifen - but all i can think is how i wont be able to have a baby whilst i am on it (not that i am at that moment in my life right now, but i might be in the near future, who knows). Its as if the propsect of chemo and being infertile isnt enough, now thats on top. They dont have my results from the op yet, but they said because of my age they will want to throw everything they can at it. But to be honest in my head i dont want chemo and making that decision in my mind has kept me going - even though there could be another curve ball and i might not have a choice if it has spread.

 

I had my op last thursday, he took out tumour with clear margins (well as far as he can tell) and now i am just waiting.

 

Thing is even though i have great friends and family i feel so terribly alone - i know i’m not and i dont kbow why i feel this way. I dont have a partner and live by myself so have a lot of time to think about all of this. I am really struggling with family a little bit, my sister is so matter of fact - well so and so had it and she is fine, well her sister had it and she had to do that as well…i feel like screaming i dont care about that - which obviously isnt the case, its flippin terrible that anyone has to go through this, but right now i cant think about that. I know that probably sounds so selfish, and i hate that i am thinking like that.

 

This has been some of the worst 19 days of my life so far. I have tried to draw strenght from here, everyone seems so positive and doing so well, and i just fell like im falling apart as the days go on.

 

THanks for listening

xx

Aww honey, you are having an awful time of it. I totally understand what your saying and don’t think you sound selfish at all. I think your family are just trying to say positive things to you, they wouldn’t want to say negative things I’m sure. Maybe you can ask the nurses if there is a group you can talk to? xxx

Hi ncsooby , I’m so sorry to read how your feeling at this time , believe me when I say that you are definitely not alone and it’s the hardest thing to come to terms with this , and as close as family and friends are and as much as they love and support you , it is a lonely journey , the people who have shared your journey are here for you. I was diagnosed on the 8th may and I’m back on thurs for my results and plan . I know it’s bc I only had to look at the reaction of the radiographer doing my ultrasound to see that , I asked the question and she replied honestly so I knew last week , now on thurs I get to know what it is and what they suggest I do next. That’s the scary thing for me it’s out of my control and I’m relying on the experts to sort me out. This week as you said since I was diagnosed has been the worst in my life because our lives have changed so suddenly and it’s such a shock. But , we know that bc can be beaten and I know your sister is probably trying to reassure you about people that have survived and doing well , maybe it’s her way of helping you and the bottom line is people do come out the other side of this . Both my mum and my sister have been on this journey and although its one i would not want anyone I love to travel, my sister has been my rock , every time I’ve had a wobble she’s been there reassuring me that’s how she felt and it does get better. So try and take one step at a time , trust your doctors and nurse to advice you on what’s best for you ,and please don’t feel lonely , I’m sure I speak for all these lovely ladies on this site when I say we are here to support each other and if it helps to tell us about how you’re feeling ,keep doing it ,like I said you are not alone , I m here for you and send you my best wishes for a speedy recovery ,love Jayne x

Hi ncscooby, all the feelings you are having sound very familiar. I am four weeks post WLE waiting to start radiotherapy. I remember and still receive what seem to be very flippant comments. On the one hand you want everyone to be positive and treat you normally, but inside you are screaming and trying to deal with this horrible disease that has so quickly turned your world upside down. You will have good days and bad, it is a huge emotional rollercoaster. This forum is fabulous for helping you feel that you are not alone. The helpline is also great if you need to talk to someone. Keep in touch on here and take care. Sending you big hugs xxx

Hi ncscooby and welcome to the BCC forums

Along with the support you have found here our helpliners are on hand with further emotional and practical support so please give them a ring to talk all your concerns through, lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2 on 0808 800 6000

BCC can offer you support in various ways including our ‘Younger women’s forums’ and ‘Someone like me’ service, you can about these and more via this link:

breastcancercare.org.uk/younger-women

Take care
Lucy BCC

Hi

I know what you are going through I went for a mammogram  after finding a lump a week  after my 47th birthday and knew from the radiographer that it was cancer that week was the worst and most lonelist week ever,  I am too a planner and like to be in control and the only thing I could control was arranging cover for my job for what I expected to be no more than 3 months after sugery but now just waiting to start chemo.  My partner who  lived in Essex said he would come up and move in with me to be there to support me and he turned out to be a right big let down and it didn’t last so  I am now on my own with a 12 year old daughter who has completely ignored that _I have had two surgeries and pending chemo a_nd expects me to be and do as I was before - and you just can’t do that.  I find that nights and weekends when she is at her dads for me are the worst as I can’t sleep and think things over too much. My parents only see me now as CANCER and all on the negative side, everthing that goes wrong now is down to cancer - apparently. Then I joined Crazy Hats coffee morning, read through this forums and yes this is life changing, it is a journey but along which you will meet and get to know some fantastic people, I will be a different woman at the end of this but it will be the woman that I want to be for me and I will be a stronger person for it - that is my focus. This is the time to think of you and what you want and what you want to be and do at the end of this.   Thinking of you.

Hi ncscooby,I know its really,really hard but try not to worry.  I too had 2nd op to clear margins & more lymph nodes as 1 was affected & they got it all 2nd time.  I think they put ‘markers’ in there first time round so they know exactly where to go for next time to clear all.  None of this is easy but please take heart that it has not spread.  You will get through this. Xxx

I am blown away by this forum, we are all unfortunately in pretty much the same sh*t boat but you all still are able to give constant words of comfort and support despite going through it all yourselves. Thank you.

EAM28 and jo1 it seems that a lot of women have to go back for a second lot of margins doesn’t it? Of course the thing I am now worrying about it what if he didn’t get enough this time, then what? I have a dent in my boob so guessing he took quite a bit more the second time.

Jo1 I am so sorry you are going through this again, it’s hardly fair the first time let alone a second. I just don’t understand this universe.
I’m comforted that I am not the only one crying at the drop of a hat! Is quite like to not cry anymore though! Things have moved on at an incredible pace for me, I found out 5 weeks ago and I’ve already had the two ops, i think the two week wait for the first results was the longest, it felt like an eternity :frowning: and now that starts again.
I shall take the tip from you about the rescue remedy, anything is worth a try.
I also hope that you are having a manageable day without too many tears!

Thanks again everyone for listening to me rant on
Love N

Hi nscooby

It’s been 7 weeks since my diagnosis of grade 3 invasive ductual carincoma. Had my WLE and SNB biopsy on 12th may but unfortunately it came back as unclear margins and the one node taken having cancer in it :frowning: like you I am devastated and fearful.

Because of my age (40) they are wanting me to have chemo which I am absolutely dreading. The thought of losing my hair and all the unpleasant side effects is unbearable and I just don’t know if I am strong enough to get through this horrible period in my life.

At weekend I was out doing the gardening and feeling more able to cope but now two days later I am in the pits of depression, crying and unable to face getting out of bed :frowning:

Life has to go on somehow but finding it difficult to pull myself together :frowning: xx

Hi nscooby

The further op to get more margins and ANC hasn’t been booked yet. They are suggesting that I do the chemotherapy first and consider whether to have another WLE or a MX afterwards.

As for the chemo, fully understand why
you don’t want it. I don’t want it either but have a grade 3 cancer and hopefully got a long life in front of me. By having chemo at least I am doing everything I can to make sure it stays away. Got two children to think of and I desperately want to see them grow up and to meet my future grand children.

Suppose having no hair and feeling and looking like crap for 18 weeks is a lot better than not being around for my kids.

I am a full-time college student ATM. Give up my job to pursue my dream of going to university and getting a career that I always wanted to have. That has been totally blown out of the water now and i am unable to go to uni this year :frowning: who knows if I will be able to achieve my dreams now. Cancer is so cruel and destroys so many lives. I HATE IT SOO MUCH!

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