I have been diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer and have been to all the tests and results on my own, apart from being my chauffer my husband won’t set foot in a hospital or discuss treatment options! My son and daughter who are in their 20s are doing the same thing, l can’t tell my Mum too much because she gets too upset.
I know they are scared and need my reassurance and support but it’s frustrating. I am hoping that there are others who are going through the same experience on this site who are willing to chat.
Hiya, this must be so difficult for you not to have the support from your husband that you badly need right now, i know its awful for our familys to deal with but your not doing it on purpose! We didnt over burden our sons with information and tried to protect them as much as possible but my husband was my rock and was with me every step of the way.Do you have a close friend or family member who would step up and support you? We will all be here on the forum for you of course but you really need people around you who you can lean on, you shouldnt have had to deal with this on your own, what is the next stage for you now? Xx Jo
Wow, I think there must be a whole herd/flock/gaggle? of ostriches out there. My hubby is also one but I don’t think his head is quite as far in the sand as yours. He has come to a few of my appts but mostly its been my mum who has been down the same road herself and is always by my side (sometimes suffocatingly so)!
I think maybe we put a brave face on and find ourselves reassuring everyone else so they just carry on with their lives happily believing everything will be fine. Maybe you could sit them all down and explain that you need their support and you’re not in a position to be everyone’s rock.
One of the bcns at my unit is also a Macmillan counsellor and she meets regularly with my daughter whos 16 and seemed to go through my treatment coping well but suddenly had a meltdown once I was finished and back at work. Could that be an option for your family?
Having watched my mum go through this, I’d say I found it easier to deal with my own diagnosis than hers and probably was guilty of the ostrich thing myself. I wish now she’d spoken out about how she was feeling.
Perhaps they just don’t know what to say or do. It’s a difficult one.
Hi H , I think it’s a common problem.Friends and family just don’t know how to deal with this.They are scared and anxious themselves and don’t want to face it head on as it’s too difficult .We on the other hand have no choice .I found it really hard to deal with it myself in the beginning ,couldn’t even bring the information from the hospital into the house , kept it under the seat in the car!!Took me about 3 weeks to bring it in.Give them time they are in shock too and make it clear to your OH that you need him to come in to appointments no matter how hard he may find it.I took a friend to a lot of appointments as she was less upset by it all and therefore more help really.There are quite a few of us taking on the the thread"Just diagnosed and wanting to talk to people who understand " all at slightly different stages of treatment but we are good at supporting each other .Only people who have been through this can possibly understand