Diagnosed last night

In the nicest possible way I’m sorry to be here and very relived you are here for me now I am! I transfered from being wrorried to newly diagnosed.
I have a grade 2 stage 1 3cm lump in my right breat. doc says need to do chemo first as lump too big and in difficult position to operate now without alot of reconstruction and a reduction on the left to even me up. will start chemo before christams.
Seeing oncologist today, MRI scan mon and day op on tues for them to sample lymph nodes (although ultrasound didnt show anything there). chest xray clear and bloods good - so thats good eh?
Ironically I have a hair appointment on friday - highlights and trim. I wondering if I bite the bullet and get it all cut off and dies to my natural colour (is that being a defeatist or realist?)I have a 3 year old little boy (he’s 3 on Dec 20th) whats best for him - I dont want him to freak or worry and mumy with no hair may do that?
how do I square a positive mental attitude with being scared?
everyone is telling me to be strong - doesnt everyone try and be strong? what makes the difference between those of us who make it?

Hi Badgersmum,
You do sound really strong and well done for that. Looking here for support is a great thing to do. I think lots of us here will agree that when you’re diagnosed the only alternative to being strong is total meltdown. As you’ve got a 3 year old you can’t go into meltdown!
I was diagnosed in March. Sounds ages ago but doesn’t really feel it. When I get low times I try not to let my children see them, but I’m not always successful. Trouble is, you can’t bottle it all up, so it’s useful to have someone you can talk to. The Breast Cancer Care helpline could do that for you, as I find I can’t always tell family or friends the things I need to say.
About hair - I wish I’d shaved it all off at the start, although at the time I wasn’t brave enough. I followed my BC nurse’s advice to not comb or wash it and ended up with a felted mass at the back of my head which was hanging on by a few strands. It got so itchy that one night (about 4 weeks after my first chemo) I took the scissors to it. It only took 5 chops! I’ve quite enjoyed experimenting with scarves which I bought cheaply in my local market or on ebay( I liked this website tznius.com/cgi-bin/tying.pl ) and now my hair is about 4 mm long it’s really exciting.
My boys are 12 and just 10 and they’ve been great about my hair. I’m sure your boy will be too, especially if you explain why you’re doing it. After all, you’re his mum and he loves you - hair doesn’t come into it!
As for being strong, you will make it. Listen to your inner voice.
Sorry for rambling, I just feel for you at the start of this hugely difficult chain of events.
Good luck with it all. Big hugs xx

Lots of love be strong and positive your little boy will keep you going
God bless

Hi Badgersmum
So sorry about your diagnoses , the first few weeks are very scary but as you go forward on this journey you will be amazed how well you deal with it.
I too like all of us felt freaked out by loosing my hair . I did use the cold cap cooling system whilst having chemo, this helps preserve your hair. Anyway it hasn’t worked that well as most of my hair has fallen out. And to be honest at this stage , it really hasn’t bothered me as much as I thought it would. It is only hair and will grow back and I promise you, you will get to this point.
And of course you will make it. Breast cancer is one of the most curable cancers IF caught early and if you are stage 1 with no node involvement then the cancer hasn’t started it’s journey of spreading and you CAN be treated and get through this.
Even ladies who are a higher stage and have node involvement can be successfully treated . I met a lady the other day who was stage 3 and that was 20 years ago, I also know another lady who like you was stage 1 and that was 10 years ago.My 2nd cousin had it 30 odd years ago.
My advice to you is not to read all the forums on here cos there are unfortunately ladies on here who are worse off then you.
You will be fine AND Aits good news that it was grade 2, I was grade 3 and that is more aggressive.
Good luck and lots of love.

So sorry to see you here too.
Like all f the other women on this forum you will gather strength and lots of support and information hhere on this bloody awful journey that you have been catapultated into.
And like all of the rest of us you will come through.
Regarding talking to young children there s a great book called
’ mummy’s lump’ You can download it or get it from local a macmilion centre if you have one near.
I would recommend you use if if there is as you will meet other women like yourself and get much needed support face to face.
Children are so resilient and my little granddaughter of 3 just accepted that nanni lost her hair so she wears wigs and scarves. And she cuddled me anyway and rubbed my baldy head saying I looked like Buzz Lightyear but my ears were nicer :slight_smile:
Again let me stress treatments are not nice but they are do able and there are lots of drugs to help if you are unlucky enough to suffer side effects and your breast care nurse will help you with ?s and answers.

Take care and be kind to yourself
Magda xx


Here is the link to the publication ‘Mummy’s Lump’


best wishes
June, moderator


Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I have been diagnosed not quite four weeks ago with a grade 2, stage 2 (lymph involved, didn’t have my CT scan yet so there might be more bad news to come in my case). I’m impressed how quick your NHS seems to be, restores a little faith into it again.

The first two weeks I avoided even reading titles on this forum, it just so scared me, but now I have mastered it and read up basically everything I can re breast cancer as I like to know as much as possible about it, good or bad.

All the best,

Christine xxx

Ladies - thankyou so much for speaking to me - I feel comforted and less alone.
saw the oncologist today and got more info on treatment plan and feel ok with it, well at least thats easy to say when its not teh nightbefore my first chemo!
Youre right about the being strong or falling to bits and I cant fall to bits because of my little boy. when I think of him I wobble and i need to turn that vulnerability into fight.
The speed of stuff is surreal…feels like its happeneing to someone else really. Plans and being practical seems to be comforting…that and galaxy chocolate. x

Had a complete wobble last night. theres a calendar on my fridge with photos of my son and i just looked at it and lost it. what a rollercoaster.
finding being practical helps…so wig advice ladies? how do I tell my little boy (have ordered teh ‘mummy has a lump’…hasnt arrived yet tho…

I was dx three and a half years ago - grade 3 and 3 nodes involved.

When I was first dx (and waiting for dx) it was a scary time. Once I knew what my treatment plan was it was a question of just battening down the hatches and getting on with it.

I had 8 chemos plus 3 weeks of rads and basically just kept my head down, got on with it (working shortened hours), slept when my body needed to, took it easy when my body told me to and in other words, listened to my body. My body told me that I couldn’t stomach apple juice etc etc and I adjusted.

I can honestly say that losing my hair was no big deal. I shaved it off as soon as it started coming out. It did make a difference finding a great wig(Contrast wigs - online) which I wore for 6 months solid. It was a bit of a pain once it started growing back as it was so curly but that didn’t last long. Now my hair is better than before.

I remember being so scared, sitting in the chemo chair waiting for the nurse. I just wanted to run… but it really is nothing to be scared about.

You will be fine. Just accept that you may feel rough for a few weeks whilst on chemo, check the dates off on the calendar, and then get on with your life.

You’ll be on the other side before you know it. Enjoying life again.

Hi Badgers Mum, sorry you have to join us on here but this forum is such a big support to us all. I was diagnosed 13 months ago, grade 2 tumour, I had chemo first to shrink the tumour, then had a WLE with axillary clearance then 23 rads. My hair started to fall out 3 weeks after the first chemo and within a week I couldnt stand it falling out all over my pillow so on new years eve my friend got the clippers to it, gave it a mohican, just for a few minutes! then off it went, after the initial shock the children were fine, (they are older, 11 &14 at the time). I got my wig subsidised and at first wore scarves and hats but then started to wear it regularly. I was at first thinking everyone is starting at it but after a while that passed and didnt even think about it. Everyone does tell you to be strong and some days its tough and you just want to curl up but a supportive family and friends got me through the rollercoaster ride and now my hair has grown back, albeit slowly, Im back to normal, and have booked a trip of a lifetime to Australia next year. You will get through this, I know now it wont feel like that, I kept telling myself through the chemo side effects that it was the only way to shrink the bugg*r and that was that. Sending you hugs, Ness xxxxxx