I was told on 25th the day after my brother’s funeral that I had breast cancer. I am off for scanning tomorrow for pre chemo checks. How are you suppost to feel? The hardest bit for me is telling the people that are close to me. Meeting people on the street who know about my brother- how do you start to explain/say…oh by the way I have breast cancer. My heart aches for my brothers and sister who have to deal with with the sock of their sister having breast cancer after the loss of our brother. My own grown up children have been great, crying & laughing & crying again. I am in La la land but I do know that I am strong and will get through this with support from family and friends. I am la la land where it feels like something that my young grandchild watches on tv. Is this normal?
I lost my Dad in October and was heartbroken.On 20th March,2 days after my 38th birthday I was told I have breast cancer,I am having a mastectomy on 6th May.
You will cope with this,you may not think so at the moment,but you will,I’ve been to La la land but have now returned.I hope you will find love and strength from the people around you.
Love from,Lucy
Yes this is perfectly normal. The timing is totally horrendous for you … not that there is a good time to get BC but so soon after the death of your brother is just so cruel. Sometimes it’s jsut one thing after another isn’t it. I can relate to an extent - my closest friend died suddenly at the age of 41 from a brain haemorhage on 2nd December. I found my lump early January and I found it difficult to tell her family that I had BC.
You will be in lala land for a while yet I would imagine, it is a very confusing time for you and it will take time to get your head round it … if you ever do get your head round it. I, like you, am a strong person and decided from the start that I was going to beat this disease - I was lucky that it was caught early so and I also didn’t need chemo - just surgery and rads.
Try to stay positive as much as you can. It’s not easy, and you will have days where you just want to curl up in the corner and for the world to go away. You will also get angry - and that is perfectly normal too, shout, swear and throw things if you want (I would advise throwing soft things and aiming at unbreakable objects).
Don’t feel that you have to tell everyone you know - if that is what you want then that’s fine… but don’t feel you obliged to tell ppl if you don’t want to.
I hope your treatment is as painless as possible and you are soon on the road to a full recovery.
Timing is everything.I was dx the day before my wedding last Oct and had to cancel my honeymoon.It has been an emotional rollercoaster since but am now seeing a glimmer of light .Keep strong but dont be afraid to let your emotions out ,whether it be at home ,or here.This is a fantastic support tool and there is always someone who can relate where you are at.
One thing that sticks in my mind is something my bc nurse said at the beginning of this journey - cancer will be a part of your life now, but dont let it take over all of it-so I started by letting it have my honeymoon but Iwould not let have my wedding day, so take control of it try not to let it control you.That will not always be easy,but you are a strong woman,alwats remember that
Keep strong
Mary
x
Thank you guys I felt sad to hear your experiences but it was also comforting to know that I am not alone. Mary I have taken your words on board of not letting BC take over my life and booked sessions of yoga classes and a have a few other things to look forward to. I have made the most of this last week and busy next week before I start my 1st chemo session next friday -9th May.
Lilacblushes what stage of treatment are you at and how is it going?
Lucyg good luck for the 6th May I hope all goes well.
We have ‘spoken’ previously when you replied to my thread. I am to start my first chemo on the 7th May. A week ago I was a mess, having heard all horror stories about it and expecting the worse. In the few days since I registered with this site, things have changed for me. I have found such great support and realise I am not alone. I have even taken part in some of the games - keep up the good work girls! Now I feel ready to face it all , still scared but waiting to get started and start fighting the battle, which like you, am sure we will win. My family are great and keeping me going. We try to make light of the situation and joke about the hair loss etc. Otherwise, it only gets you down. Yoga sounds a good idea. I will not be spending the next 6 months stuck in the house whilst on chemo. Keep us updated on how you go. Will be thinking of you and hope to be able to catch up when we have both had the ‘first one’.
Debbie
In my experience bad news all comes along together - when my mum was diagnosed with BC my dad had a stroke a week after.
Mum died eleven years later of lung cancer - not linked to her breast cancer but to the fact that she smoked from being 14.
Before mums diagnoseis of lung cancer my sister and cousin were diagnosed with BC.
Unfortunately last year my sister had a recurrance of hers (diagnosed the day of my cousins funeral - she didn’t go to the doctors until months after
she found her lump by which time it was well advanced…although she did battle with it for 5 years before she died.)
Also the same day as the funeral my father had a heart attack and so we had to go straight to the hospital after the church service.
In Feb this year my sister was just finishing her course of chemo as I was diagnosed with lobular breast cancer and at the same time again my father
decided to have another stroke. I hadn’t told the family at this stage and so as were called to the hospital to be warned that my father needed a brain
op and may not survive things were pretty fraught.
He got over the brain op (at 82 not bad) but then developed a pulmonory embolism - once again the family were called to say goodbye as at this point he was very
ill …I was totally unaware of this one as by this time I was in hospital having my mastectomy and recon and my sisters didn’t think it would help my
recovery (now theres an understatement!). …anyway they managed to get rid of the embolism, drain more fluid from his brain and after 7 weeks he was allowed
home where he is now walking and talking quite well.
I am also on the mend and now on my course of chemo - coping quite nicely with it as well and love my wig!
With all that we have been through we have become a very strong,positive and determined family and even manage to laugh about it all as at the minute there are 3 sisters with
wigs (forgot to mention another sister has a very rare disease which makes her hair and nails fall out)
I am sure you will be the same. Cancer is not always as scary as you think it is going to be and this website helps a lot.
Hi elginquine
I was dx with bc mid Jan and had surgery 8 days after dx. My tumour was 16mm grade 1 ductal and was er+ . I was lucky to have no lymph nodes affected but did have an intermammory node which contained cancer cells … this meant that the onc team had a discussion about whether or not to give me chemo - the majority decision was that I was classed as ‘node negative’ and the pros of chemo were outweighed by the cons… and they only increased my odds by 1% so not worth putting me through it.
I started tamoxifen in February and I had a post-op rest period then started 29 sessions of rads mid March - I had rads to the 4 sites - whole breast, the armpit, collar bone/neck and my back. I now have a fairly impressive tan to the rads zones - my skin started to split right at the end but I got gel and dressings from the hospital and that’s helping. The tamoxifen has given me a couple of side effects that I would gladly do without but nothing I can’t cope with… the hot flushes are preferable to the tumour. My right arm is not the same as it was 4 months ago - but again I can live with that, I just do things a differnet way now.
I discovered my lump myself rather than it being discovered at screening - I’m too young for screening cos I am only 40. I think I decided right from the start that I was not going to let this get the better of me or rule my life… I’m known for being a stubborn cow! I went back to work 14 days after my surgery and have worked throughout my 6+ weeks of rads, just timed my appointments so that I just had to leave a couple of hours early rather than have to take full days off.
Cancer is a nasty disease and the treatments are far from easy. On the emotional side we all worry about what will happen to us and we worry about our family and friends etc - my 1st thought was that my son didn’t know how to use the washing machine! I’ve had occassion where I’ve had a fit of the screaming abdabs with swearing and stamping of feet - it’s when yet another thing happens like my son crashed his car and broke his wrist… cancer I can deal with but him being off work and on half pay was a national disaster!
Take time for yourself and deal with it in your own way … my way was to just get my head down and kick it’s ass. I’m a tough little cookie and have dealt with other crap in my life before (husband’s affair, bringing up a kid on my own, best friend upped and died on me aged 41 a month b4 I found my lump and I have a great job with a rubbish wage so money is always tight etc etc ).
The best advice I’ve had since I was dx was from a friend who’s daughter had leukemia years ago… what she told me was if I listened to everyone else’s horror story not to apply the details to myself, take each day as it comes but keep an eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish you well with your treatment, take it day to day and deal with the issues at hand and try not to worry about what issue is going to crop up tomorrow.
Holly
Good grief - you do seem to have had the worst run of bad news ever. I know what you mean about everythign coming at the same time, it’s been a bit like that with me too, but not to the same extent as you. I wish you well with your treatment.