Oh Honey I really feel for you, theres me bitching about my mum visiting and theres you going through hell and back. I kind of know what you mean, I cant admit to the being slim and breast fed any children (I dont have any) but I do the 5 a day thing as much as possible, never smoked, rarely drink and am the proud title holder of the first person to have any kind of cancer in my family ever as far back as great grandparents (no records for further back).
I feel really useless but just wanted you to know there is someone out there and as a very lapsed catholic must admit to wondering if its punishment but then if you are a believer it doesnt seem to make you cancer proof. You will stop feeling like this. I felt like Iwas going crazy this time yesterday and now I’m back to just carrying on. Im not sure which is worse knowing or waiting, we all always seem to be waiting for results of some kind. Its a BUGGER!!!
thanks for that - it just helps to let it all out. It did make me laugh when i asked my bro and he gave me his phone and said ring and i said who he said god!.
I want to grow old and grey with my hubby and fight with him over the remote and who’s put their slippers on the wrong side of the sofa. i want to see my girls grow up get married and hlp out with child care for them as I know how hard it is. i have all these dreams and visions for the future and they stand in front of me. i tell my hubby that every child needs a parent and girls need moms to talk about hairy armpits, forests below and periods along with bad B.O. I dont want this snatched away from me and I’m not going to let this happen if i can help it. If I had the results i would know what I’m dealing with but at them moment I keep looking at the worst case senario. i keep telling myself that cancer is no longer a killer it can be cured and it can be maintained I suppose!
i take a deep breath once again for the hundreth time today and say to god please please don’t do this to my innoccent children and by lovely hubby! They need me just as much as i need them.
Oh don’t worry about bitching about your mom - my brother was bitching about my’n today - my girls better not do that about me when I’m old thinking about it!
A brother that has God on speed dial now thats impressive!!!
… and you can be sure they will be bitching about you when you are old and grey and that is the whole point…When you are old and grey. Keep that thought with you.
I must admit you do make me laugh - your outlook is so funny! I mean i’m devestated to be the first title holder in my family and you are proud!. Have you made yourself a certificate yet, framed it and hung it up.
oh by the way you have a very unusual name are you from Wales by any chance?
Sukes: Believe me I have had and will have more awful moments of why me and like you I am more worried about leaving my family than anything but I have the luxury of curling up in a ball and sulking unlike you who has to keep going for the kids. We have only got a couple more days now before the results (you are on Wednesday??) I just keep thinking even though its an invasive tumour it is grade one and hormonal (then again who isnt!!) I’m just hoping my nodes are clear more than anything.
My name is Celtic, mum and dad are scottish but they chose to spell it the irish way (the scots way is shona). If anyone asks what it means I say she who has stupid father and believe me in the last few years he has proved it to some quite spectacular results recently but thats a whole other story!!! We live in mid Cheshire.
Jane: Well said we havent done anything wrong (apart from not eating cabbage that is …see my mum was right!!!) not sure about the god thing, think I may be hedging my bets LOL!
As you may be able to tell I am feeling a little bit more myself today.
I think after putting it in writing I’ve got it off my chest and i feel a lot happier today. I’ve even eaten 6 biscuits which is normally normal for me so i must be feeling better and putting my thoughts and fears in black and white I think have helped.
My results are on wednesday at 9.45am so its only today and tomorrow. Since i found out i feel i have lost other than a few pounds i’ve lost a good few brain cells. i was writing the date on my calender for 2008 and wrote 1998. I know you loose them when you have kids but boy I feel I’ve defo lost more now. i’m trying to improve my brain by playing brain train but its still calculating my a brain at 60! this is real bad news for a 34 yr old.
Thanks for all the support and your great scense of humour.
Hi Sukes,Mel, Kat,Val, Jane and anyone else I may have forgotten.
Just to let you all know everything came back as clear, Margins and nodes so my poor nipple gets to live another day WOO HOO!!! I dont have my treatment programme yet, another two weeks but everyting left to come is just prevention now. The tumour did turn out to be bigger than first thought from 1cm to 1.8cm and also was upgraded from grade one to two but so far so good.
Sukes: Good luck for tomorrow. I have everything crossed for you and I hope some of my luck comes your way you deserve it. In fact I’m a big believer in what goes round comes round so by that law all those lovely wishes and good luck you sent my way are coming right back at you double the strength
I am so pleased for you. The most worrying bit was if the lymp glands were effected and they are clear so that is great news and margins are clear.
Have you got any questions or tips for me tomorrow?
Ohh a health visitor come to see me today about my kids as weve recently moved into a new area and by the time she left i was almost suicidle. She started asking questions and it goes like this:
I have breast cancer…oooooo dear!
They believe its ductal invasive…suks a lemon and then tells me its the worst one to have!
All my lymp glands have been removed… if it comes back then is can really spread as theres nothing stopping it now!
I’ve had a WLE … your best just getting a double mastectomy!
I know I’m a dot and not very big and I’m sure she was trying to be helpful but boy did she put a downer on my day! i was really positive and happy yesterday and after listening to her i thought my god HELP!
looking on the bright side - i’m glad your results are what you hoped for. i’ve constantly been checking the thread to see if you had come back and kept saying no news is good news!
I’m soo happy for u - u really deserve it!! take care
Sukes: I am so sorry I didnt ready your posting until this morning so by the time you read this you will have your results, Fingers in knots trying to cross them for you. To be honest they just took my dressings off, my surgeon had a massive smile on his face ,told me nodes and margins clear and brought everyone in to look at what a good job he had done (to be fair to the man considering how much was taken away he has done a brilliant job. the scar is right on the edge of the nipple so when it heals I think it will just blend in) I have to wait another week for the treatment programme so no hints other than make sure you smile a lot when they give you that good news and perhaps ask for another social worker to be allocated to you.
I had quite a few people say they would rather have a full double mastectomy and just get rid of it all but I just calmly told them until you are faced with it you dont know. I would then calmly walk to the loo and silent scream at their stupidity. in fact if she were in my home I think I would have thanked her for her input but asked her to leave in fact I’m getting annoyed for you!!!.
Oh and I’m 39…the big 40 in June. If they decide on chemo bald and 40 nice look eh.
Well I just hope the the next time I hear from Sukes its good news, Cheers Kat you were such an inspiration when I was looking at losing my nipple and really helped me come to terms with it.
Mel: are you OK and hope you have seen that specialist by now. Thinking about and wishing you well.
Got my results today, they were just ok. It is Grade 1 Ductal Invasive. They removed 9 lymp nodes and 5 were effected and they didn’t get a clear margin so i’ve got to go back next friday to get the clear margin thing sorted. At the same time there going to put a drip/tube thing in my chest I think so they can feed 7 months of cemo through it- Lovely. apparently when you have cemo through the veins in the hand it really recks em.
Feel a bit low as i was hoping no lymp gland involvement but there you go.
Sukes,
oh Hun I am so sorry to hear you have further surgery and chemo for sure. I cant imagine how you are feeling so I wont even try to put it into words. This is just to let you know I’m on line and here for you if you need to get things out.
Love to you and yours. Thinking of you. Shonagh xx
Hi Sukes, When I started my chemo Kelly a member of the forum did a brilliant list of things which are really helpful, and which you may need It is on Undergoing Chemotherapy, TOP TIPS FOR CHEMO, I am sure you willl find it useful her user name is princess 18 and at the moment it is at the top. Hope it helps you
Love Jillx.
Just to see how you are and let you know I am thinking of you. I’m not sure when you are going in for your op but my best thoughts and wishes are with you. I’m still not sure if I am going to be joining you in the chemo route or not, they keep saying people my age get the most mileage out of it but recently they have said it may be suitable for hormone and radiotherapy. I will let you know as soon as I do.
Keep in touch if you can and just think of the chemo as getting in every nook and cranny clearing the little monsters out. I have read peoples comments on the undergoing chemo threads and if you are a slight frame they may give you steroids to keep you built up so dont worry about that. Just take care of yourself and think good thoughts.
Thinking of all of you ladies in here. Love and luck
Shonagh xx