Hello all
I found out I had IDC two days ago. Ironically my mum got diagnosed a year ago and has just come out the other side of it, so I know what’s coming my way. I’m having a mastectomy a week tomorrow followed by chemo and probably radiotherapy. At the moment I seem to be coping OK, although I’m feeling gutted that my 40th birthday party in six weeks time now has to be cancelled. And I’ve just got a big promotion at work so I’m feeling guilty that I won’t be around much.
My husband is being brilliant and the children (6 and 3) have been told and seem to be OK (the fact grandma also had nasty bugs in her booby that the doctors took away has helped give them some context).
My worry is that I’m processing this so rationally and calmly at the moment that I might be slightly in denial that this is happening to me. Anyone experience similar feelings?
Welcome to the BCC forums. I have posted a link below to our new resource pack which you may find helpful, it has been designed for those newly diagnosed, just click on the link to access the order form. You can also order more information publications on the same page by clicking on the links on the same page under the ‘quick order list’.
If you would like to speak to someone in confidence please do call our helpline on 0808 800 6000, the line is open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2, our team of specialist nurses and trained helpliners can offer you further support and information. Hope this helps.
Emmass,
I think denial is a natural stage… and to an extent, I am still in denial.
I was diagnosed on the 1st of Feb and had surgery 7 days ago. The day after I got home I was on a video conference for work and ‘acting’ completely normal. (albeit with PJs and slippers on the bottome half)
I have only really told family and ‘everything is fine’, ‘no problems’, ‘lucky to have found it at this stage’…
I dont know if I am in denial or being pragmatic?
Marguerite
hi emma,the early days are the worse i wanted to shut my eyes and not talk to anyone,i have just finished all my treatment,mass,chemo,rads,the time as flown know just started back to work,every stage is hard but doable,i am 43 with four children i told them straight away,children cope with it stay strong dawn xxxx
Its reassuring Marguerite to hear that you are still remaining pragmatic even post surgery. I suppose we just have to accept the way we feel as we feel it.
Dawn, did you stop working for the whole length of your treatment? I have it in my head that I’ll be able to carry on working while I have chemo (although appreciate there will be some days when I’ll not be able to). In your experience is this realistic?
hi Emma think we all go through the denial stage i know i did and just wanted to carry on as normal!!
As for working through chemo, think it may depend on what you have and how you are, we all react differently. I had FEC x3 and TAX x3, i worked through the first 2, then it was the summer hols (i’m a teacher) but i realised that i could not go back after the summer hols was far too tired. So didnt retuen to work till after Oct half term, finished chemo 29th Sept, but went back very part-time.
All I can say is listen to your body and rest when you need it!
Good luck Debs xxx
I was in denial almost up until my active treatment ended! It was self preservation. It has caught with me now and whilst people think its “all over” - i am a bit of a blubbering mess!
Take it each day at a time and go with how you feel- its all normal!Good luck
Hi Emma sorry you had to join us here. I think we all go through the denial stage along with the anger stage and the bubbling mess stage sometimes all in 1 week! You have to take each day as it comes and not be too hard on yourself. I am starting chemo soon and think I am worse now than I was before surgery. Don’t be too hard on yourself. x
Hi Emma, good to hear from you, same as the other comments really denial is part and parcel of the journey, every moment can bring something different its weird…i felt lke a rabbit in the headlights at first!!
I turned 40 last April and hadnt planned on life starting at 40 this way but am heading for life starting at 41.5 instead!!!
Good luck and keep in touch
Hi Sorry you had to join us all! I was 41 when i was diagnosed with IDC, all i can say is you cope with it the way that feels right to you…like someone else said, i think i just got on the treadmill as soon as i was diagnosed and did not make a fuss, although i think now i am more emotional as within time it hits you when you have time to reflect. you will get great support here, hope all goes as well as can be expected. Karen xx
I wouldn’t be in a rush to label it as denial, it is what it is. You will deal with each stage in your own way and if that is pragmatic and logical, then so be it. I too have been fairly pragmatic about things - I cried just after being diagnosed and have had some moments of frustration and self-pity, but those have probably mainly been connected to the side effects of treatment more than the dreaded “having cancer”. I wonder whether I am not fully understanding how serious it all really is (I think I do ‘get it’ though!) or whether everyone else makes too big a deal of it!!!
I know it *could* kill me, but I am not assuming or worry that it *will* kill me!!!
I have had 4 x FEC chemo and 2 x Taxotere so far, and have only had time off work for surgery recovery (3 weeks), appointments, and 3 days off sick due to feeling tired. So working through is very much possible, but we all react differently to the surgery and chemo, so you will have to wait and see and do what is right for you.
Don’t feel guilty though - you didn’t ask for this to happen and have to look after yourself first and foremost. xxx
I am with you all the way and still haven’t had a ‘cry’ just a few tears when I thought about telling my kids as I know how it is to watch your mum die slowly from cancer - but my mum had a brain tumour and I very much believe I will be cured - If not I’ll deal with that too.
Absolutely agree with Flora and Jellylegs…I also think it’s shock rather than denial but whatever it is…Good Luck with your treatment and Take Care…xxxx
When I was first diagnosed in December, I didn’t really get upst about it too much and I actually just kept on as normal with rushing around after my 3 young kids and a business I run. It is only after having my double mastectomy that it has MADE me slow down or even stop for the last few weeks, hence making me think more about it and I have had quite a few teary nights recently.
Any one of my friends will tell you how strong I am and never really get worked up about anything, but it is only once it has affected me physically that I am so down about it.
Just take things easy and try and sit and talk with people that will listen, it’s better to get these feelings and anxieties out in the open rather than keep battling on when it will then hit you hard.
Good luck with your surgery next week, keep us posted on how you are doing.
can I ask - when life has dealt you a sh*t card in the past did you deal with it pragmatically and logically? If so the this is just you and not denial. I took it on the chin dealt with the Dx and Rx in my usual style, that is a very very sick sense of humour, a positive out look with private moments of dispair and depression but mostly out wardly getting on with life as much as possible. That includes getting out of bed when every cell of body screammed DUVET DAY!!! It means crying when i couldnt help but cry and laffing when really it was totally inappropriate but people made me laff so hard with their funny comments - see ‘what not to say’ thread.
I am so sorry you are here and on this steep steep learing curve.
however - these women on here are fantastic and have supported me and each other thru the rocky road that is BC.
sending you loads of hugs (((((((((()))))))))))))))
Have not cried yet either, just the shakes as going down to surgery, it’s all been too fast, life changed completely in just over a month. But with small kids I just keep on going and taking everything thrown at me hoping to get on and get it over and done with but I think it may all catch up sometime sooner or later?xxxxx
Hello
I think its hard to say what’s shock, what’s denial and what is just dealing with what’s in front of you at the time, in the early days. For myself, I was reeling, I think but kept going on autopilot.
There’s no better or worse way to deal with it all, is there? I think, as others have said, it is what it is - and for each of us it will be a bit different.
I think that its a shame to feel worried about your reaction, and I hope that things go well for you
take care
love, monica xxx
Wow! Its pretty amazing to log back on after a busy couple of days and find so many of you have taken the time to share your stories and offer me support and best wishes. This is a pretty powerful place eh! Thank you everyone.
I think I’m realising that I’m dealing with this in the way I deal with most things. Head on and with a sense of humour. I’ve decided to have a ‘goodbye to my left boob’ party tonight with my work colleagues and close friends!
I’ve definitely had some moments along the way where I’ve felt a bit tearful, but equally I’ve been incredibly moved by the show of support from friends and family. And my daughter is delighted that she go extra ‘carpet time’ at school yesterday after I told her teacher!