Shame about the job Mounties, but keep positive, something with your name written all over it will pop up from nowhere. As for your previous employers they obviously don’t want you to know what they put in your reference but like i said before they cannot by law bad mouth you.
As for my dispute, meeting is not being with the MD now as they have agreed that the grievance is actually about him. The HR company have asked if its alright to have the meeting with a director from a sister company as he is totally out of the picture. I have agreed to a meeting but said that if nothing is sorted out quickly then I will skip it and go straight to a tribunal. They are really trying avoid this. Fingers crossed the meeting will be in 2 weeks time.
My boss is aware of the situation with my health. I have kept him up to date with all details from the day that I was first diagnosed, but due to how things have been i now tell him on a need to know basis, such as ‘I have a medical appointment’
Totally understand regarding the Fiancial Issue. I spent 7 months on sick pay £79 per week while going through my chemo and surgery etc… Are you all clear now? The thing I have learnt is my health and family are more important than any amount of money or work.
Keep Smiling and be positive
Karen R x
Hi Karen, thank you for your cheerful reply. You are so positive about everything.
I am 2 years past mx so not got all clear so far. When i saw onc back in January he told me that as my tumour was so large and aggressive it is expected to return. But i have the same attitude as you, family and your health is priceless.
Just before i was dx i was planning to walk away from my husband and family for another man. To this day i say bc came along when it did to stop me, so for the strangest of reasons i will always be grateful to bc.
Please let me know how things go at work.I am still waiting to hear back from lawyer and barrister on what my chances are at a tribunal. Just hope thats the good news i have waited so long for.
Hi Karen, hope you are well and things are going ok at work?
I have heard back from lawyer today and stand no chance of going to tribunal.Feeling really gutted.
Sorry i know your problems are much bigger then mine just needed somewhere to let off steam.
Hi mounties.
Sorry not been around for a while had quite a lot going on. Actually went back to work for the first time on Monday to my other halfs disappointment, I really struggled and by the end of the day iwas in total agony with my neck. My partner and everyone around me wants me to stay on sick but i’m not sure. I used to love my job but i must admit i am finding as sitting at a computer all day long is aggrevating my neck pain and I don’t want to make it any worse than it already is.
Had my appeal hearing today and would you believe it we were going round in circles. They are going to question a work collegue who was harrassing me, but i don’t have much hope of them getting anywhere. It looks like its to the lawyer and hopefully take it to a tribunal.
I am so gutted that yours said you stand n chance of going to tribunal. It makes me so angry that these people are allowed to get away with treating us the way they are. I hope you are doing ok and keeping that positive fighting spirit going. Don’t give up!
Catch you later
Hugs
Karen x
Thank you for replying Karen. Sorry to hear you are in so much pain. It must be awful when you are trying so hard to live a normal life.
I cannot believe the cheek of your boss interviewing someone that has been harrassing you. Surely this is going to make your work life hell. Or have i read it wrong and they are interviewing them in relation to your allegations?
I am still gutted at the outcome of my battle. I would have loved to have gone to a tribunal and had my voice heard. Not just for me but the residents also.I do understand the barristers comments about lack of witnesses for my case as oppossed to the certainty that they would all be witnesses against me.
It is hard to even think about looking for another job as my next recon op is due in October so this year is taken care of.
Has all you have been through with work zapped your confidence? It certainly has mine. Friends have disappeared into the ether and at times i feel desperately sad and lonely for all i have lost.
I hope you have a happy outcome to your battles in all areas. Please keep in touch to let me know how things are going.
Very Best Wishes, Christina xx
Hi Mounties
How are you keeping and How is the job hunting going? I know what you mean about the time being taken up by ops. I was going to leave my job after id got the reconstruction opps out of the way. unfortuantley though the cancer came back and so makes it very difficult for me to find a new job. Who would want to employ someone with terminal cancer.
I have heard from work today via email and they have got a sgned statement from the work collegue who harrassed me. They were interviewing her in regards to the allegations that they have made towards me as i have now said that she may have done this to spite me. Anyway, they say they should have an answer to whether they will retract the written warning by the end of the day. Not holding my breath though. As if she is going to admit setting me up.
This work thing has zapped my confidence and only 1 collegue keeps in touch with me, either by emails, phone or popping over for a coffee and a chat. My doc signed me off sick again so will be off for another 4 weeks. hopefully these work issues will be resolved by then.
Getting excited at the minute getting the final preperations done for my wedding day. Only 6 more weeks to go and I’ll be a married woman. (he he) determined to have those stilleto heals walking down that ilse.
Keep in touch
Karen
Hi Karen. What a fantastic year this will turn out to be for you with your impending marriage. I am truly happy for you and it ust shows out of all the madness of being bullied at work good news can still come along. Congratulations to you both.
I am trying to job hunting but i also in the back of my mind know that until my next recon op is over in October, nobody is going to employ me then give me 2 months sick leave.
My problem is i am so damned bored and miss having my own salary so badly. I hate being dependent after so many years of independence.
Hope by the time you have read my reply everything is sorted at work for you. I will never understand how these people can sleep at night when they can throw such a low blow. Especially when they must be fully aware of your health situation.As you say it’s not easy to just walk away and find another job, though i am sure with your brains and know how others may over look your diagnosis.
Have you been given your long term prognosis? Sorry if that was the worst thing to ask.I am hopeless .
Glad one colleague has stayed in touch with you, none of mine have. They have all hid under the coat tails of the bullies too scared in case they are next. As you say it has totally wiped out my confidence also as i hate telling people i am out of work.
I now have to face the indignity of a benefits medical on Wednesday to prove my worthiness to the paltry sum of £64 pw.
Please keep fighting and stay strong you have a wonderful goal just ahead of you in your wedding.
Hi Mounties
I was hopeing that the next I heard from you was to tell me that you had found your ideal job, but I do understand where you are coming from in relation to your recon in October. I think that once you have had that your confidence will start to grow again and so you’ll be bringing in the pennies for christmas.
I just had the descision letter from my appeal and basically they have shrugged off everything that I said and so the written warning still stands. I am in 2 minds whether to take it to tribunal as this crap has caused me a year of stress already and I’m not sure if i can take anymore. The thing is if I don’t i feel that they will take it that I havn’t because i am guilty, so I am ust going to sit on it for a week and see how I feel then.
I am still on sick at the minute and like you i’m bored, but there is no way that i could go to work as i’m constantly feeling sick, dizzy and feint. Not sure if its the medication and so i’m doing the elimination process to try and find out what is causing it. Could it be purley down to stress?, with the work issue and now ontop of that the financial worry?
I hope it goes ok for you on Wednesday, let me know how you get on. Its crap I know as there really does’t seem to be much financial help we can get. At the moment I am receiving SSP along with DLA but it doesn’t amunt to much.
Prognosis!! now there is a question. A question that I did intend to ask but after my nice doctor kindly got in with the fact that he has some patients that have been coming to him for 20 yrs i didn’t deem it necessary. I have put myself into the 20+years category.
I think after i get my self sorted, pain and sickness then i’m going to start looking for another job, even if its just part time to keep my hand in the work environment, maybe do a bit of temping or something.
5 more weeks to me becomeing a MRS
Take Care and Think Positive
Karen xx
Karen
I am so sorry that you are also going through bullying whilst dealing with breast cancer.
Unfortunately, I was on the receiving end of bullying too - not at work - but in a Club - but the pain that they inflicted on me is just the same, the stigma, lack of confidence, the group of bullies expanding as they accumulate more into their mob - and I did nothing wrong.
It has been emotionally and physically exhausting. They spread awful rumours around about me which escalated.
Like you, I just wanted to clear my name - which I did. It took nearly two years but I managed to get to arbitration and the ‘bullies’ apologised ‘unreservedly’.
Although I do not regret standing up to the bullies, fighting my corner and getting the result I wanted which was a full apology - it has come at a cost - and I feel I must tell you this.
It cost financially because I had to have a lawyer. Although I won, they only paid half of the costs. It cost me emotionally and physically. It is taking me a long time to recover from the trauma and I don’t think I will ever fully recover from it.
And, although I have won legally - the bullies are still continuing the bullying. They are still spreading the rumours even though they have apologised - and so it goes on……
I just felt I should point out the negatives - as well as the positive of clearing your name legally.
The bullies are bad losers and will not let it end if one dares to stand up to them. They are nasty people.
Hope yours doesn’t turn out to be so nasty.
Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding.
Hello Mounties, Christiane, and Karen
A google search brought up your thread - both this one and the other 55 page one. You all have very compelling stories to tell. I am so sorry to hear you’ve been bullied at work. And, to add insult to injury - have not been able to ascertain why.
I too experienced an uncomfortable situation after my diagnosis. Not sure what it was, or why - and that’s why I keep searching the internet - trying to make some sense out of this.
I did however find a web site on bullying at work:
bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm
This website is full of information. It indicates that vunerable people are bullied and that organizations are afraid of the bullies - so it is easier to let the “target” go. They also point out that serial bullies excel at deception and evasion of accountability.
One of the most important things I saw there (to me, at least) was an answer to the “why me” question. They say - it’s just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Ironic isn’t it - just like cancer.
Anyways, I thought I would share this with you, in case you don’t know about it already. It takes a lot of digging around, but there is some pretty powerful stuff there.
They also give advice on how to stage planning going back to work.
I am sorry for the emotional pain, you and all the women on the threads, have had to undergo. It doesn’t seem fair - after diagnosis and treatment.
I think people are afraid and uncomfortable when someone they know become ill. It’s too close to home for them.
Hi All, great to see your replies.
Karen i really don’t know where you get your strength from. You are dealing with a secondary cancer diaagnosis amd also the liars who are trying to blacken your reputation at work. I found my whole saga incredibly tiring and most nights found it difficult to sleep as your mind is constantly whirring round thinking of what you can do to retain your livelihood. I am so glad to be out of that situation, its lovely to go to bed and sleep.
Snow, i think bullies pick on anyone who has the nerve to point out their errors. In my case errors that cost the lives of 2 men.Rather then put their hands up and say “yes mistakes were made”, they hide behind their destruction of the whistle blower. Taking the heat off them.
I have applied for the job of my dreams today. Would be wonderful if i was to even get a interview. Main problem i have is that i have had to put the bullies name down as a referee and as i have nobody else to do my second reference i have used my neice as a colleague.
I know i am mad but there is nobody else i can ask and surely there is no way they can find out can they?
Karen good luck with your big day. I hope it is everything you wish it to be.Be careful considering tribunal action unless you have good witnesses. That sadly was my downfall. People run for cover when you ask for their support.
Had to come back on here again so quickly as i am absolutely gob smacked at what i have just been told by a social worker i used to work alongside.
I rang her to ask if she would be willing to write me a refernce if i put her name down on my application form for my dream job. First of all i had to leave a message for her to call me back, which she never did. So taking the bull by the horns i rang her again and got to speak to her.
After reminding her that last time we met she had told me that anything she could ever do to help she would, i asked her if she would write me a reference.I was totally amazed when she replied her and her colleagues have all been told by my ex employers that i had been sacked on abuse grounds, that they should have no contact with me whatsoever and any contact i made with them was to be reported back for further action to be taken against me.
I am so angry and also very hurt. How can thy lie about me and discredit me in this way. I know this person wouldn’t stand up and support me in any court and i suppose i have to be grateful that she has agreed to write me a reference and not tell anyone she has heard from me. I can guess what sort of reference i am going to get from my ex employers.I stand no chance of ever being allowed to work again.
Isn’t breast cancer and a mastectomy hard enough to get through without being constantly stabbed in the back? Apparently not.