DO you ever stop being scared

Hi All,

Can i just ask - Do you ever stop being scared for someone who’s had breast cancer.

My mum was diagnosed in March this year with bilateral BC and had 2 tumours in each and one lymph node affected. She had her double mastectomy and had treatment which she dealt with inspirationally well.

She finshed chemo 2 months ago and was OK. Recently she’s been feeling depressed - Our doctor said its because you’ve been focusing on the treatment and now the merry go round is slowing you have time to think what’s happened! I’m worried being down will affect her recovery and also her shoulders been hurting - Our GP’s sent her for an X-Ray but again my fear’s are back.

Do you ever stop fearing that black cloud round the corner?

I imagine at some point you stop worrying - maybe 25 years on! Everyone tells me that the fear lessens with time. I haven’t got there yet. I was dx Feb.

Don’t worry about your mum feeling down. It’s very normal. What your doctor says is true. If you put ‘Dr Peter Harvey’ into google and look up the article ‘After the treatment finishes - then what?’ it describes better than I can the stages you go through after treatment. She just needs time to deal with all that has happened.


I can say with experience that as the time from the last treatment stretches out the worry does go further back in your mind, you are able to bring some normality back.I had a really happy summer. I never put it fully out of my mind because of the fear of the cancer returning. I was very body aware always feeling the breast and armpit.

I am glad I did really because I have had two recurrences. At the moment I am undergoing further chemo but I do know when this is all finished I will get on with life again. At the moment I suspect that the whole treatment cycle still tends to dominate your thoughts although its all over. The ‘what if’s’ are quite destructive but I know you can’t help it.

I can assure you, you will worry less in time but I doubt if you will ever forget, there will always be someone who asks how your mum is, always a news item. There will be someone in a head scarf and you’ll think chemo, but the thoughts will be fleeting.

I honestly believe that if you make a conscious effort during the day to capture the positive interactions with life like when your mum laughs, when she does something silly or says something daft you will see her just as she was before the diagnosis.
Try to build on those moments and you will see there are far more good bits than fearful bits. Well its worked for me and my daughter, I hope it will work for you.

Kindest regards

Thank you for your replies. Its true that you forget and then the thougts raise their head and as you say the periods of relax will hopefully get longer and it’ll help us enjoy life more. I think Christmas is always hard as its a milestone to measure things by (Where were we last year, where will we be next year! - What a year its been!!!).

Its the not knowing all will be OK - I want to see into the future, but I can’t, so no point wasting time wishing.

I do enjoy every moment I have with my mum and dad - We’ve gradually got back to being normal and me being cheeky with her (not horribly just being daft really) which I felt disresepctful doing before but as mum’s BC nurse said she’s not made of glass and hasn’t changed she’d appreciate the daft moments and lighten the mood!!

I admire everyone who copes with BC and finds the time and energy to support those on the periphery of the disease. I just wish no-one ever had to log-on to this website ever again (Sorry BCC but i’m sure you’d agree).

Thanks again for your advice! Wishing everyone a VERY Merry Christmas and a 2008 full of joy, happiness and health!!!