doctor has made me feel a fraud am i in the wrong ?????

hi all im bout 10 weeks post op from masectomy with ld flap reconstruction for high grade dcis no lymph involvement or invasion which obviously i am well pleased but mentally im not i dont function as well as before, ive been off work since a few days before my op.

Have really not felt able to go back to work yet just for now still tearful very angry and not sleeping well ive worked since left school and with 2 kids. im 26 now nearly 27 in a few weeks.
i went to the docs yesterday to see my own doctor as not seen him at all through any of this, he asked how i was and i said gettin there slowly and if i could have a sick note, he looked at the screen at my notes and said" what for all that time ago" eaning i had surgeyr ages ago in his eyes, i said yes i had an operation for dcis then that was it i was balling and im not one to show my emotions, is it just me or did he try to make out i sshould be well now and back at work i just didnt get his attitude he did however sign me off for a month and said see you in a month times and after i was balling he seemed to go all nice on me but i was very surprised at what he said or meant when i asked for a sick note i just cant shake off what he said and im very surprised as he said his wife works in the breast care unit at my hospital.
now im thinking i cant go down there in a month im just going to jack my job in i just think thats so unfair after what i have gone through when ppl can go down the docs say they are depresssed then thats it there off for years (not all people no offence to anyone) i just wanted some extra time to get ,my head round it all ive still got results to come in feb to decide if i need tablets which is also making me think should i have further surgery to prevent it in the other breast i just dont feel ready to go back just yet thta is all do you think my doc was wrong or was he just doing his job and i took it all wrong buti was not expecting him to say that
sorry for babbling hope everybody ha a nce well xmas and a good new year
xxxxxlots of love to all xxx

Hi Faith,

I’m sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time at the moment, if you need to talk to someone with a ‘good listening ear’, then please do phone the helpline, the staff are here to support you through this. Lines are open Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm and Sat 9am - 2pm, calls to the helpline are free, 0808 800 6000.

I hope this will help. Kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator

Hi faith
you don’t need to apologise for venting your feelings on this forum - there is always someone hear to listen. I am sure that the above lines may be a good source of support - and i wouldn’t just jack your job in because of your GPs comments - being fit to go back to work is not just about the physical bits being OK - as you said you still have lots of things to consider an think through - this may be too much of a distraction for you to be at work. You don’t say what you do for a living - does your employer have an occupational therapist or a referral to one as they would be able to support any assessment about return to work etc. Anyway it might be better for you to return gradually if you have been off for a little while. with small children too you have a look to balance so be easy on yourself.
Not sure when your Birthday is - you said in a few weeks - but I will wish you a Happy Birthday in advance - enjoy the good days and don’t let others pull you down - unless they have walked in your shoes they are not in a position to judge
Take Care - Regards


NEVER think you are in the wrong. I still cannot belive the insensitivity of some medical staff - even more so that his wife is ‘in the job’ so to speak. It makes me sooooooooooooooo angry - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

You take your time and do whats right for you - go to another gp if you have to but do not put up with any sh1t - you have been through enough already.

Have you considered counselling/therapy?? It worked wonders for me.

Much Love and TAke Care

Sending cyber hugs to you Faith. You never know, in a month you might be feeling differently, even keen to go back to some sort of ‘normality’, but if not maybe see a different GP? Can your bcn help at all?


Hi Faith,
you are the same age as my youngest daughter so to be going through this filthy disgusting disease at such a young age makes me want to cry. I felt cheated when diagnosed in 1999 with b.c I only had a lumpectomy, but it still made me feel strange, one big boob one smaller more pert. I soon got used to the very different me, then 2004 secondary diagnosis. I am dealing with that too but still feel cheated. How dare your g.p. make you feel the way he has. He is in the wrong business not very caring or understanding, I am sure if he had one testicle removed he may have a different approach to his work. We should not have to fall apart when we need extra time off work the fact that you have asked should have been enough, or does it make his job easier if we all play the depression card. Words fail me, that does not happen very often! You tell your Dr from me that you will know when you are ready to return to work he is there to help you recover from primary b.c. however long that takes. Just incase your g.p. asks I ran my own business and gave it up when I decided it was time to give up work and enjoy what was left of my life. Not because I was work shy!
Good luck with your treatment and if you feel he is not the g.p. for you change him, maybe try a woman.

Love Debsxxx

hi to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me at is nice to know people are out there to support you everyone my end seems to think i have had my op the horrible disease has been removed and i should get on with life to me its not so simple my head is a little messy. the people that wanted to know me b4 dont now (a few friends) and i think the reason being is they only wanted to really know me just to find out what was giong on wih me the drama has ended to them because the results were ok to them no drama now in there eyes sad but true. dont get me wrong do have some good friends but they dont understand only i do.

Thanks jo think may be i should give them a ring when i get the courage bit of a wimp me hehe

hi fletechjet thanks for your kind words of support my job is a care assistant for the elderly in a residential i doubt there will be support from them they rang me up 2 weeks post op to see if i would be back for xmas or not just so unconsiderate was already signed off for 6 weeks crazy some ppl hehe. oh and your so right about ppl judging if they have not been in my shoes they dont know how they would be and some ppl just dont seem to think before they think and it drives me crazy im already turned in to some angry monster and think work will make me worse or more emotional just need some time out to sort of grieve or somethink may be for my lost boob not surehehe. thank you for my advance birthday wish as well xxxx

Hi sparkler thanks for replying i know it does not seem right what he said and im glad its just not me who thinks it was wrong never had a problem with him always been great always had praise for my gp then he let me down ust bit shocked may seem somethink little but those words hurt e were it hurts in the heart dont help being an emotional wreck on an emotional rollercoaster does it hehe yeh would like to try counceeling or therapy but have not got a clue were to start and find it really hard to open up to ppl in person face to face not sure why thank u thoexxxx

Hi kindernsurprise thanks i could well feel on top the world in a month time i did like my gp but scared to go back so may well try a different one just for now xxx

hi debsincorwall thanks so much for replying sosorry to hear you have secondries and i bet you do feel cheated like u say we all do its so wicked but least you have done the right thing to enjoy your life with out the worry of work not erygood with words hehe. i think being 26 to 96 what ever the age we all been cheated its so sad.
You are so right bout the testical part he would notlike it if i said that to him would he may be i should now that would be sometink to see his reaction hehe thanks for your kind words and sharing your thoughts with me it really does help thabks and i think i may try a woman when i go next a woman gp may be more understanding xxxx

Hi Faith,

So sorry to hear about the awful attitude of the so-called caring doctor - you really shouldn’t have to put up with this attitude on top of everything else and at such a young age (I’m 44 now and my surgeon has told my employers that’s a really young age!)

I’ve been off work since July 07 apart from a short time last Aug when I tried to go back on a very part-time basis but I couldn’t cope - it was very traumatic for me. I rang one of the breast care nurses at the hospital unit, went to see her and spent an hour in tears, saw the surgeon a bit later who immediately told me I HAD to be off work for as long as it takes but at least 3 months and not just a month at a time as I would be fretting after a week and getting myself in a state in advance of getting the next one. Armed with this info I went to the GP (never see the same one twice here), told him what the consultant had said and got my 3 month sick note no problem. It was absolutely the best thing I did even though I got very distressed at times. I do have small bone mets as well so have put in for retirement with the support of my surgeon and oncologist but that’s another issue - nothing is straight forward with this disease !!!

I would say contact the hospital reception dealing with you and ask to see one of the breast care nurses. Tell her how you feel and then you can go back for your next note and say the hospital said you have to be off.

Wishing you all the best - remember your health is the most important thing, especially the emotional side of things never mind the physical side effects.


Hi again,

Meant to say as well just ask to see someone other than the doctor’s wifeif she’s a nurse there.

Manners don’t come with GPs sometimes - last time I saw one he answered his mobile phone, then read a text he got and then asked what my job was, on hearing he said well don’t worry about being off they don’t need you now anyway !!! (I’m a mortgage adviser…)

Faith your doctor was rude. you are right with the depression statement though i have had so much grief from my employees over time off and have came to the conclusion that if you have a physical problem people assume you have had the op so should return to normal asap but if you have depression because they cant see the physical side of it they wont risk telling someone to pick them up and get on with life.( however gp’s should know better). all i can say faith is do what is right for you your body will let you know when you are ready.
i fortunately dont have cancer but am having a preventative double mastectomy on 26th feb due to brca2 gene and i would be horrified if my gp treated me in the same manner.
look after yourself love lainey xx


I too was a person who did not open up to people - as a result - altho outwardly I was ok, inwardly I was not. I had tried ‘counselling’ a few years ago after I nearly lost my daughter to an illness - this did not work. AFter my bc dx, my bc nurse referred me to a psychologist who works through macmillan at our local hospice. Since I saw her I have never looked back - loads came out about my childhood too, not just the cancer, and she has given me ways of how to handle things now. Having counselling or therapy all depends on the relationship you feel you can have with the person - so the person has to be right. If I had not seen her last year, I know I wouldnt have ‘coped as well as I am’, since being dx with mets.

Speak to your bc nurse - assuming you have one. There must be someone you could try. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain from trying??

Go on ((((((((((((((((((((giving you a gentle prod in the right direction)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Make the call

It does make me really mad when doctors are so insensitive. Instead of implying that you should have got over it by now, he should have used that opportunity to ask you why you need the time off, helping to find out exactly what is wrong. During a conversation, my GP said that I should put all this behind me now. I simply asked her what the NICE guidelines are in term of the time needed for psychological recovery after cancer and was I not fitting in with the evidence. Of course, there is not set time for people to “move on” and it made her realise how insensitive she was and she apologised. Since then, she has been far more understanding. However, that particular day I was strong enough to stand my ground, but there have been times when I would have just cried.

I too had DCIS and I think in the medics view, it is very low grade, compared to say very aggressive cancer. But it still is cancer and to have a mastectomy is a huge blow to a woman, no matter how strong, especially when you are so young. You also have young children to cope with, that even when perfectly healthy, are tiring and hard work, never mind what you have been through. If you do have depression, I am not surprised and it is a proper illness that can be treated successfully. Find yourself a more professional GP who recognises that whole impact that cancer has, not just the physical ones.


Hi Faith,

I’m 24 and was diagnosed in May and have been off work since then… I’ve been very lucky my boss basically fought for me (i’d only been working there for about 8 months) to ensure I got full pay whilst off and told me not to come back until I’m ready. Also, my GP has been great and signed me off for as long as I wanted really and will just continue to sign me off until I’m ready.

Reading how your GP has reacted makes me angry and I don’t think I would have known what to do in that situation. The thought for going back to work is generally a little frightening, especially as I missed out on a promotion since I’ve been off and I’m seen as the one to “beat” in work and going back and not being as good as I was before is enough stress without anything else.

I too have worked continually… part time through college and uni and then full time since and if you’ve been working all this time its not like you’re work shy or can’t be bothered! I think we’d all rather be at work and never have had to go through all of this but its not like its a choice!

Maybe if you take someone else to your appointments that might help… I know that on certain days I’d say something and other times I’d probably not feel like I should and if you have someone there who will say something and be a support that might help.

Like others have said you need to listen to your body and take time off when you need it… cancer is not just a physical disease and your GP needs to understand that!

Erin x

Hi Faith

I am so sorry you had to go through that with your GP, it is terrible! Can you see a different one at your practice?

I am only 28 and my cancer was completely out of the blue with no family history. I had a mastectomy and lymph node clearance of my left breast and arm pit at the end of nov. I have just started chemo, had my first one last week and today i had a major day, as i had to shave all my hair off :frowning: my mum helped me…guess it is the least of my worries at the mo!!

It is good to be able to talk with someone of a similar age and as yet i had not found anyone same age as me.

If i were you i would definitely see a different doctor, maybe a woman, who can empathise with what you are going through, especially as you have children it must be bloomin hard work!

Anyway keep positive and you will get through this :slight_smile: don’t forget that!!

Lol xxxx



Hi faith,
I just want to add my support and agreement to most of the comments here. I hope you find our views reassuring and be confident that you were in NO way getting the wrong end of the stick regarding your GP’s comments. I agree with sparkler ( i think) who said it was really important to find a therapist/counsellor/psychologist who you relate well to. They are trained to work with the whole of you… and focus on YOUR experience . What was so difficult in your consultation with the GP, it seems to me, was that he had made his own mind up … based on HIS experience or training about what was a correct pathway through your particular diagnosis or treatment. And then IMPOSED that on you. Of course your experience is unique, because its your experience. It is valid and right and correct because its yours! Get it… Its really hard when others tell us how to feel/ react/ cope. It gets right on my tit(s)… (LOL) Good luck in finding someone to talk to … if that’s what you think will help… and I wish you well in getting a more sympathetic ear from your doctor in the future, even if it means you have to change.
happy birthday too.

xx carmel
Ps I think having young children (too) makes my head spin faster about the future and the wider cancer implications so from that point of view at least, I understand the messy head feeling…

Faith, I don’t do this because im lazy but iv seen it suggested elsewhere on the site, if your computer is playing up… type your post on a word document and then cut and paste it on… that way if you lose it you don’t lose it … if you know what i mean…

ANNON1 i do wish you all the best for your for coming op im sure you will be just fine ,i think i would be like you and have both done together i bhave ben thinking of having my other one done now i know i have un stable breast in my mind i it does come back any where i can say i did all i could thats my opnion hehe lots of love be nice to hear how your doing in time xxxxxxx

hi lizcat wrote you a really long messge befor forgot half of it now so this will prob be short god now i am really surprised your doc answered his text etc and had the cheekto say that about your job hope you give him what for lol sorry to hear of your bones met hope you are coping as well as can be its s**t this disease think will pay a visit to my bc not seen her since oct and then tell my gp been advised just to say see now what you going to say hehe im like an angry monster at the min hehe lots of love xxxx

hi sparkler hey thanks for your prod i am going to take your advice hopefully and cntac my bc nurse and see if im acting normal i ould be willing to try some councilling just notsure how to go about it do i see my gp the one i wont go back yto hehe or my bc nurse lots of love xxxxx

hi cathy59 glad you mentioned about it being cancer no mater what the stage it is cancer it still affects us the same and i certanly live in fear now
. good on you for speaking up standing your ground i need to be more like that but this has made me bit more of a wimp lol thats what i need to do find a gp that understands the impact cancer has being it lw or agressive thanks lots of love xxxx

hi ering and charotte 28 wow cant belive this rotten disease gets so many young ones its so crazy charlotte i love to chat so always personal message me or on her we are around the same age although i cant comment on chemo i can the masectomy part and the general rollercoaster it is not tat i know much but do please chat with me anytime ering sods law bout your job every think always comes at th wrong time keep yur chin thoe and fleas to those people who think its a competition at your work must lead sad lifesif im reading your post right aboutyour work love to all of you must cut it short incase dam comp crashesxxxx

hi carmel i think i may try that idea i am lazy as well speciall this time of night thats why i have bad spelling as so tired from the kids love the tit s bit i alwaysl augh at that when i say that phrase it gets me every time not sure some people quite get me when i start laughing although i am a little crazy in the good way lol
well as fo my gpi walked in satdown he asked me how i was said i was getting there slowly and said if i could have another sick note as dont feel ready yet he looked at my notes on the screen and said what fo tha long ago and sort of chuckled to himself i felt so small i said yes i have had a op for and started explaig next thing i knew i was crying came from no where prob cuz of what he had said to me when i was balling he then decided to chat with me and go in to chat bout what i been through how i would be grieving signed me off for a month asking me if that was ok and said see me in a month time but what was his game saying that in the first place now if i ont feel mentally ready i dont want to go back because i will be thinking do they all think i should be back at work.

god sorry im, waffling did i read that you have young kids it does seem to makei hard but then i dnt know any difference lolxxx lots of lovexx