I am so sorry it felt so lonely….I start mind on 25th, also 5 sessions and I am feeling anxious about how my body will react - only 6 weeks post mastectomy when I start with 3 other surgeries prior to this since February.
How were you?
I had my CT planning scan on Monday which was fine but positioning wasn’t great as I am quite restricted.
Did you get feedback re incidental finding on kidney at time of planning scan or after?
In my head I am thinking to good to be true they have found nothing on mine - hate I am like this now!
I got told at the planning scan about the incidental finding when I met another dr think she may have been oncologist but not sure as it was the only time I saw her.
I needed a ct scan with contrast dye as they had seen a mass on one of my kidneys and couldn’t say what it was, so she did a two week referral which coincided with my actual radiotherapy days, hence I had both on one day. It was also my birthday on the first day of radiotherapy too. A week I won’t forget in a hurry.
The actual treatment part was ok, I moisturised after the treatment and had a slight change of colour to the area, for me it’s the mental side I find more difficult.
I’m sure you will be fine with yours, they are very helpful getting you in position before they start.
It’s the being left alone part. A reminder they are doing something so toxic to you that they can’t even stay in the room. And that in turn I think hammers it home that you have cancer. That’s my feeling anyway.
I am fearful every day. It’s been almost 3 years since my diagnosis and 5 surgeries in 6 months. Every 3 months I have blood drawn and tested for any cancer cells. So far, so good! I rarely go anywhere; afraid that someone might know what I’ve been through, and give me that look…like I’m already dead. If I do get out, my husband drives and unless it’s a doctor’s appointment for me, I wait in the car…doors locked. I’ve tried therapy but it was useless. I’ve never felt so alone.
I’m so sorry @nanalander. That is awful. I’m sure you’ve already tried this but have you done the ‘moving forward’ course with Breast Cancer Now? I intend to do it once all my treatment is finished. It is supposed to be very good. Take care!
Thinking of you @nanalander . I wouldn’t know where to start to help you get over this and we have all had those days when we just want to hide away and not see anyone but I hope our messages help you feel a bit less alone and that you do regain your confidence enough to go out again. We all walk past survivors in the street every day without knowing it and for every person who might judge you there are others who understand . Is there a support group that meets near you ? Your BCN might be able to tell you - you might get more benefit from having a cuppa and a chat with others who have been through something similar than frim counselling xx
Thank you so much for your reply! I’ve tried counselling, but the doctor and attending treated as if I was in my teens and had parent issues. I am not only much older than them, but have more education than both put together. I’ve tried to find others in my area with the same/similar issues. There’s no one! I’ve heard from a few about ‘church’, but that’s not my style. No support groups near me either. I guess I’ll just muddle thru. as I have been. In looking at past paperwork, I was suppose to have follow up visits with the surgeon after the mastectomy, but no appointment was ever made for me. I met her once before surgery, she was in during surgery, but I never heard from her again. I’m so very sorry for ‘dumping’, but I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life.
This site, at least, gives me some comfort; knowing I’m not alone.
Hugs to you! XXX
Dump all you like that’s what this site is for. It’s definitely been therapy for me when I look back at some of my earlier posts the anger in them is very obvious. I’ve had counselling twice in my life and both times it’s been effective but I know others who have had it and it’s been less successful for them - standards vary and sometimes the counsellors seem to have their own agendas. You should have access to a BCN for 5 years so could check with them about follow ups but I think they’ve changed their follow up practice . My friend who had the same surgery and treatment path to me had a Consultant follow up every year for at least 5 years but I’m not being followed up though I’ve seen my BCNs in clinic twice . Hugs to you too. Xx
I’m so sorry to read about how you are feeling at the moment
Throughout my life I have struggled with various aspects of life and tried lots of different ways to treat my mental health
I can relate to the therapist not being for me and being “told what to do” by someone doesn’t necessarily work for everyone
I was wondering if you have tried reading any books (or alternatively audiobooks) to help to address some of your anxieties about getting out and about? I’ve found these helpful as it’s felt more like me working it out for myself rather than “being told what to do”
