I was dx April 2005, sailed through lumpectomy, chemo, radio and herceptin. With only two small scars to show for it. I hardly think about it (perhaps head in the sand) but when I have my 6 month checks ups looming I get freaked out about it and worry. I can’t tell anyone as all my family think it is all in the past and it is not something we ever talk about.
Hi,
I was dx in Feb 06 and I can honestly say that every 6 months I have a complete wobbly before my appointment. Every time it gets nearer I say to myself that I won’t get in a state but before I know it, I’m off again.
You aren’t alone!!
Sheana x
Hi Jenny,
you are definitely not alone in feeling “wobbly”
After diagnosis last year,then mastectomy,chemotherapy and radiotherapy Im doing what they say "getting on with life" Im back at work etc etc BUT Im due for a check up with Oncology on Wednesday and then back to the consultant in 2 weeks time. And feel "all over the place" Emotions up and down, cant remember anything, blood sugars high (Im diabetic)
After my last check up I had a lump come up in my armpit and after a lot of scans its shown its not cancer but I cant help thinking “what next”
And friends all say how well I coped. Little do they know!!!
Margaret
Me too I was dx in oct 2006 and become really stressed before checkups.My 2 year one is November 5th and I am already dreading it.I had to have a cyst aspirated in july and the whole sense of horror and dread came flooding back.
Hi Margaret and Sheana
Thanks so much for your quick replies, this is the first time I have entered anything on here.I could not sleep last night so had a search around on net and came across these pages.
I know I am not alone and I know we are lucky to be living in these times with all the treatment available but when it comes around to check up mamagrams and bloods I go to pieces. I know that all being well after my appointment in two weeks I will go back to not even thinking about it so much so I sometimes even forget to take my Arimidex. Of course it soes not help with it being Breast Cancer month and with so much in the news, i.e Wendy Richards.
jenny
I haven’t been for any checkups since my diagnosis so I don’t go through all this, I read the NICE guidelines which gave the impression checkups make no difference to outcome/mortality. So I thought why bother. Apparently they are to maybe find new primary cancers and to reassure patients.
I don’t feel reassured.
Mole
hmm, I think I agree in a way…I have a friend who is a GP and I did say to her (although I try hard not to do medical conversations around her) it seemed to me not very much at the check up, just a bit of a prod and grope and a conversation and I could do that for myself…she said they were viewed more as an opportunity for us to ‘bring up things’ it’s to catch those that maybe won’t talk about things that they should, at check ups they quite often say, ‘oh by the way I have this pain or that feeling…’
but still, I go and yes…a bit like a bear with a sore head for the week before!
I just toodle along - I dont have any hang ups - just hate sitting in waiting rooms and having to make time up at work. I think this is due to finding my lump and and when I went to the BC the mammo, fine needle aspiration and u/s all failed to diagnose me, so generally feel more secure being prodded around every 6 months by Onc + BS once a year and in between PS for my recon. To me they are no different to smear tests.
Debbie
I have my 6 month mammo and scan on the 17th and its starting to wind me up now. I didn’t think it would but it is. I don’t think there will be a problem I just hate going up there and sitting in that waiting room where it all started. i knew the lump I had found was going to be bad news when the lady who did the mammo caught my eye in the waiting rom and did that head cocked sympathetic smile thing. I just thought OMG you know something and now I am scared that it will happen again and it will all kick off again and I’m not ready to go through it again yet [not suggesting I ever will be but please not yet].
At least we don’t need a brave face in here, what a relief.
AJxxx
I have my first 6 month onc check up tomorrow and it does make me nervous. Even the thought of talking to an oncologist and being in a waiting room with cancer patients is a big reality check and reminder of the seriousness of what I have been through. I do want to ask about having annual CAT and Bone scans as I think a clear result would give me a lot of reassurance. I’ve had some really worrying days and nights over aches and pains and I imagine this will be a recurring theme, certainly for the next few years anyway. I’m triple negative so not on any treatment which makes me feel more anxious from time to time, though mostly i’m fine.
It certainly is great to be able to express our fears here on this site - those around us love to think its all over and that we have “moved on”!!
Katie
Well hear I am again, 11 at night and OH in bed with not a care in the world and me thinking about things, I must say it has been a graet source of comfort having so many replies today and I do know we are not alone in this ugly thing. On the whole I am really an upbeat person, I did the New York marathon a week after I finsished my Herceptin treatment, after lumpectomy, chemo, rads and then Herceptin so I like to think I am not a moaner or a worrier but I think that maybe Molennium has the right idea, what will be will be and these checks up don’t make a lot of difference except keep out BS and Onc busy. I just so dread the mamogram as when I went for my original one after finding a tiny lump I REALLY thought it was just a cyst and soooo shocked when it turned out to be the BC.
Just to comfort all who are quite new to this thing, I feel a fraud even being on here and taking up peeps time, I have moved on after 3 and half years and all is great and I can honestly say tht I don’t give this thing a thought except when I get the call from the Onc to say that they would like to see me.
Thanks again for comments
night
jenny
Hi Jenny
Know exactly how you feel, my check up is on 23rd October, i cant even get in the lift to get up to the breast unit and usually have to be pushed in, then i walk along the long corridor to get there and then when i walk in and see all the women sitting there all looking as anxious as me it can really freak me out, perhaps i should take a valium before going in. I always take a friend with me as i never take in anything that the surgeon says to me as i am terrified it will be bad, it passes like a bad dream then i am out of there and it all passes again. I am already working myself up for the 23rd. Last check up i was prodded around told there were not lumps, not reassuring as i never had a lump in the first place! I then wonder why i bother but then panic that they might just find something!
Oh well only a couple more weeks of sleepless nights and it will be over thank God.
Suzzanne
I had my first post diagnosis mammogram on New Year’s Eve last year. I completely panicked leaving the x-ray room and went out into the wrong changing room, nearly fainted when I saw another lady in there and realised my mistake. She said to me not to worry as it would get sorted out when the radiographer called her in. She also told me she had been cancer free for 7 years which calmed me down a bit.
I just hope I’m not like that at the next one.
I will have my annual mammogram appointment in less than a month. I see the surgeon for a check-up once a year, which I am happy about because I have faith in his skills. However, I have never felt comfortable with the oncologist, with whom I am due to have a second follow-up appointment next month. I am thinking of cancelling that one because at the previous appointment he defenetely gaver me the impression that he was not interested in my well-being, Has anyone asked to change the Oncologist for check-ups?
Yes, I used to have panic attacks but now I would say it was down to anxiety, which has taken 5 years to get to. I have managed to identify what makes me feel so anxious and although it hasn’t stopped the feelings at least I know what I’m anxious about.
I have asked only to see my oncolgist for check ups as the surgical team’s attitude were best suited to have their patients knocked out. I met a small amount of resistance but insisted.
Take care
Becks xxxx
I’ve cancelled the last 3 six monthly appointments with my onchologist,I just can’t force myself to go.I don’t think a quick 2 minute feel for lumps is worth all the anxiety I suffer beforehand,and I certainly don’t need plesant conversation - I cant wait to get out the door afterwards!! Mind you I wouldnt miss my yearly check up and mammo with my bc surgeon.