Don’t know how I feel

Hi, I finished my treatment two weeks ago (chemo/rads/2 ops) I’m now on hormone therapy. 
ive read it’s hard once you finish but didn’t really understand why.

when I was going through treatment I didn’t have my usual anxiety and I surprised myself how well I coped but since it’s finished I’m starting to feel nervous about other things and I don’t feel right, I’ve got no get up and go I’m teary, I’m scared about going back to work. I already take sertraline so tablets won’t help. My heads all over the place and I scared as I thought I should feel like I’ve survived that and life’s for living and it would be better than before. Sorry I’m babbling but just confused at my feelings and why I’m worrying about things that haven’t happened x xx

Hi

 

I found I went through what I can only describe as a period of grieving after I finished my treatments, even though I had appointments to return for this, that and the other. It wasn’t just the loss of the protection of the oncology team, leaving me feeling vulnerable. Like you, much of my anxiety and all of my depression had been held at bay during the crisis period - my mind had too much else to cope with - but it was seeping back and was even more meaningful because of the emotional and physical trauma of breast cancer.

 

I guess I’m saying you’re not alone and what you’re experiencing is quite natural. Is there a Macmillan Centre, a Maggie’s, a Haven or any of the other cancer support services near you? I attended the Macmillan Moving Forward course which I can recommend but its focus isn’t just on the emotional turmoil. It sounds to me like you need someone to talk with. Perhaps you could ring the number above for some reassurance and consider the Someone Like Me service here? Maybe your GP could arrange for some counselling though the wait will be frustratingly long. My breast care nurse was a gem. She wrote me a couple of emails that helped me a lot, just making me feel normal.

 

One of the nurses here posted this article in a reply a few months back and I’m passing it on when I can. I found myself reading it every day for a while. It helped me to get grounded and get things in perspective. Maybe it will be of help (if you can concentrate): workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

 

Listen to your body and listen to your feelings. If you’ve no get up and go for now, cuddle up with a boxed set or a good book. It’s not self indulgence. To me, it’s self-care. This feeling will pass (and may come back, if my experience is anything to go by) and you will ride it through, just as you’ve ridden through the trauma that is b-c treatment.

 

Open that box of chocolates, curl up with a box of tissues and weep if that’s what you feel like doing. One day soon, you’ll jump up and dance :) 

Jan x

 

 

Hi Alvilago. You have achieved so much ( two Ops, chemo and rads) that’s four marathons in my book. So now time to slow the pace down to a gentle-stroll, giving yourself time and space to recover emotionally and physically. Stating the obvious- you are covered by the Disability Discrimination Act, so you are not legally required to launch yourself back into your job with the same strength you had before diagnosis. I’m really benefitting from a rational/reasonable easing-back-in, over several months and I truly think that is the most sensible approach. Overall I’ve come on really well. Little by little, each day. 

I don’t imagine anyone on here would argue about how it feels: the lack of oomph, being teary, being scared. It all comes with the territory and to me the only solution is being kind to & patient with yourself. Give yourself time - two weeks on from so much treatment isn’t being lazy. Don’t be influenced by ‘common misconceptions’ such as “treatment over, she’s better now”. 

Follow your instincts. Wonky x