I really want to put this down in some form and this felt like the right way.
I was diagnosed on 23rd May and had a skin sparing mastectomy with an expander on 24th June. While I was going through my diagnosis/surgery, I was so positive, and everybody was telling me how brave I was, and I felt ok at the time and knew I was going to beat the cancer and fight.I Its a couple of months down the road, I have not needed chemo or rads, but I feel so down, and Im constantly in tears. (God only knows I cant even watch a Macmillan advert on telly!) What on earth is wrong with me I should be happy that the cancer has gone, but I just feel abandoned, bored, down and really unhappy at the moment. I am dealing with a heck of alot of stress as I am being hounded and harassed by a debt collection agency who dont seem to give a s*d that im trying to recover and im wondering if maybe thats why I feel this way because im under stress. As Im writing this the water works have started again… I just want to feel positive again the way I did when I was fighting the cancer. Does anyone else feel this way???
For me, after surgery and treatment was the hardest part of the journey to deal with. I am not sure why,because i thought that once everything was done and dusted, e.g. surgery and treatment, that would be the end of it - BC to the back of my mind. This has not quite been the case, and i am guessing that it isn’t for you yet.
You mention that you have a debt collection agency bothering you?
Have you contacted your local CAB at all? They have trained specialist advisors, who can help specifically with debt problems. They may be able to make you an appointment for you to go and see them,to discuss the best way to manage your debts.Have a think about it.
It is early days for you yet…give yourself time…
Maybe take up a new hobby do something just for you?
I have read that around 25% of people who have a BC diagnosis end up needing treatment for depression, and having had depression in the past that was one of the statistics that scared the pants off me when I was diagnosed - that was the second thing I said after “what do I tell the kids?”!
And it’s hardly surprising. You could probably benefit from a bit of help in dealing with it before it gets ingrained. Do you have a cancer support centre near you? A lot of them provide counselling, which is an excellent treatment and definitely worth pursuing for many. If not, then your GP should be able to arrange some for you instead. You might also want to have a word with your GP about it, because if you’re not sleeping or eating, you could find yourself even less able to cope with the feelings of sadness.
Another very useful port of call would be the Helpline. Give them a ring, they’re brilliant, and will know exactly what you’re on about.
Finally, there’s an article by Dr Peter Harvey (google his name +cancer +counselling, unless someone has a link for you) and the article completely hits the nail on the head about our feelings after cancer treatment.
Oh my word what a relief! I thought it was me being selfish, and not “putting it behind me and getting on with it!”
Im trying to get hold of CAB Naz, but its like trying to get blood out of a stone, just going to have to deal with it i suppose.
Chocciemuffin, I think I will go see my GP. However I am seeing my consultant this afternoon, he is great and very kind and supportive, should I tell him how im feeling?
Yes, do. See if you can give your BCN a ring so you can have a word with her too, she may have information on counselling services that are available locally, and the BCNs are often a lot more understanding than (male) consultants!
I too feel depressed right now… finished chemo 3 weeks ago no rads so thats me done… but things not back to normal yet and all i want is normal, oh and some sleep!. BUT this isnt just a cancer thing, several years back now a friend of mine got married and afer she said she went into a type of depression, down to having spent so long in wedding mode when it was over she felt lost with nothing to do! unfortunatly we have all been dragged through the mill and we will get over how we feel right now… good luck x
I’ve got rads to do yet but instead of feeling down I’ve got angry. But this seems to be my way… I’ve had anxiety and depression a few times in the past, but instead of being inactive, lying in bed etc, I’ve been the opposite, I’ll do too much, I’ll buzz about doing a billion things at once, I’ll be feeling angry all the time for no particular reason and get anxious and I’ve had the odd panic attack as a result.
I’m going through an anger thing at the moment, for the past week. Woe betide anyone who says or does the wrong thing around me. I’m angry at the cancer adn what it’s done to me and my future.
So we all react in our own ways. I’ve asked for counselling as I think this will help me work through things, but I’m mad because it’ll take ages (LOL) - I asked for it over a month ago when I was crying all the time. Now I’m just furious.
Well I am glad others feel same as me.
I had my mx last week and went for results today and dressing removed. I am healing well and my nodes are not positive, they are going to do chemo to zap any little blighters. I have felt upbeat since the op, but now after hospital visit today I feel really down, depressed and empty. Feel like I don’t belong somehow!! It’s bizarre! My family are so happy that nodes are clear but I just can’t feel happy. I already suffer with depression before any of the BC and I am medicated for it. (although it doesnt seem to work!)
It’s just so crap for us all
After reading your lovely posts and also talking to my Macmillan nurse, She told me that my Consultant(Absolute Angel) was on Northwest tonight, he peformed surgery last year on a lady called Beverly Affleck who was diagnosed at the ripe age of 99 with BC, a year later and she is in remission, I was truly inspired!!!
I have been through the angry stage, and have also done nothing but cry for the last two weeks, however, now unfortunatley my other half (my rock) is poorly sick with his kidneys so, I am busy making him feel better, which makes me feel better.
Ladies, I dont know what I would have done today without all of you, you are all Angels, and you are my rocks, thank you so much!!!
Phoenixmoonfire (great name) the lady you mention of 99 years had surgery under a local not general anaesthetic… imagine that! She’s the gran-in-law of a colleague of mine … remarkable woman.
