Down and it's coming off

Got my results today. Depressing there is lymph node involvement and they found DCIS and invasive cells in surrounding tissue. Grade 2 and the tumour was 5.5cm in size (cant believe they’ve taken that much from me as I look no much different). So they are taking my boob off and lymph node clearance. Having an MRI scan too.
I feel so p’d off as the last few weeks have been in vain really, I’ve made a very good recovery for nought! I’m worried about my kids and the fact that now I wont be able to pick them up from school for a while and all the other stuff us Mums do. My youngest starts school and it’s all going to be different for them.
Feeling sorry for myself, sorry ladies
love Vanessa

I’m so sorry, Vanessa. What a lot of old c**p for you to deal with. I’m not a mum, so I don’t know how you feel on that front. I just wanted to send you my sympathies and very best wishes. Of course you’re feeling sorry for yourself! So would I - I get second results tomorrow then I’ll know whether it’s a lump or a mast for me, so I might well be coming on here feeling sorry for myself tomorrow.

So sorry Vanessa that you have been through all that and then have to start again. It seems like an endless task doesn’t it?

I am 34 with 2 small children and know how you feel about worrying about not being there for them. I have been told I will definitely have to have a mastectomy as my tumour was 6cm, I am currently undergoing chemo to shrink it before surgery. I must admit the chemo has not affected the children and their care so far, there have been a couple of days where my husband has just taken over as I needed to just stay in bed - but I am more worried about the cumulative effects of the chemo as the fatigue sets in and then of course the major surgery.

I don’t know where it comes from, but the inner strength will kick in to get you through this - I’m sure your friends and family will help out - just make sure you are not too proud to accept the offers!!! My 5 yr old thinks it is quite exciting that her other fave people pick her up sometimes from school (esp if that involves playing at someone elses house) - they are amazingly resilient and she has definitely surprised me with her words of wisdom about the medicine travelling round my body until it reaches ‘zappy’ (my lump!).

Good job you can come on here and moan though eh? Don’t ever think you shouldn’t or can’t do that - we are all here for each other.

Good luck Emma43 for tomorrow - I hope you get the news you want to hear.

Love and hugs

So sorry vanessa, you just moan away. God what a pigging awful disease this is. Just wanted to sympathise
lots of love Julie X

Thank you, bestie. So do I!


I had surgery first due to large tumour, had my mastectomy and full node clearance 21.12.05, emotionally blackmailed my surgeon into letting me home 24.12.05,as my kids were 8 and 6 at the time and I was adamant I would be home christmas morning. Had our ritual new year party and easily able to walk the kids to and from school for the new term. (did take 6 weeks to drive due to numbess in my shoulder and upper arm and no way would I drive until I felt in full control of the car + GP would not allow until I could swing arm right round).

As others have posted kids are brilliant, loving and very versatile, if family, neighbours or any of their school firends mothers offer to take to school or bring them home for tea and play or even better invite for sleepovers then take it up, it will help no end. I tended to only need help for the few days following chemo, I just had to take to my bed for roughly 3/4 days then I was able to function and get my strength back in readiness to be blasted again. I found I didn’t miss out on that much as made sure I made the most of resting while kids were at school (although set alarm on mobile phone as you can easily sleep longer), I never missed a football session for my son and also helped with my daughters dance show during my last 2 chemo sessions. Also managed a couple of work do’s, football presentation and my own birthday night out with the girls.

Personally I think having kids helped me through treatment as I felt that I had to make an extra effort for them not to see me down or sick, and the extra cuddles and kisses with their little drawings and letters really are a pick up on a bad day.

Hope all goes well

Debbie X

ps. would advise you speak with the school teacher, my daughter was quite upset to start with and her teacher was brilliant (she had been diagnosed 2 years previously and kept a special eye on her) where as my son just announced it to the whole of his class as he changed his christmas card into a get well card.

Hi Vanessa

You moan as much as you like my love, I know where you’re coming from ! Although my kids are older (14 and 10), I felt really bad for them, as I felt I was going to ruin their Summer - particularly as we were supposed to be going to Lanzarote on 8th August for a fortnight - which obviously had to be cancelled. As much as I have tried to carry on as normal as possible through the chemo, there have been days when I haven’t been able to take my youngest to school and pick her up, and have had to rely on others. Being the kind of person who rushes around like a blue ar*ed fly most of the time, and can never sit still, I found this incredibly hard, and frustrating, but I had to get used to it. I have to say though, the kids have amazed me - like Debbie I did advise both their Teacher’s when I was first diagnosed, but thankfully (as far as I’m aware!), there have been no problems.

I have only got one more chemo to go (next Friday), then I face a mastectomy, rads and herceptin for a year, but I feel much more positive now. I would just recommend making the most of your “good days” (which you will have!), with the children, and just think, this time next year, you’ll be back to normal ! I know it seems forever, but it’ll soon fly by.

Sending you lots of love

Julie xx


I would say from experience that the surgery is the thing that (physically) you will recover from the most quickly. I was in for 5 nights and by the 4th morning I was lying on the floor trying to think of new exercises as I was bored from the BCC leaflet ones - at this point of course my surgeon walked in wondering goodness knows what! He definitely signed me out for the following morning by which time I could manoeuvre my arms just about anywhere and in most cases a lot further than the lovely nurses!

Don’t worry about it.

Dear All

I so agree with Dahlia. The surgery is much quicker and easier than the long boring trek through chemo. I had 6 nights in but only because I didn’t want to leave with drains in (I had three). Just keep exercising and walking about whenever you can and you will be just fine.

Good luck and hope it goes well - oh and I had a left mastectomy with axilliary cearance, plus a becker implant at the same time.

All the best


Hi Vanessa,

so sorry to hear your news, I’m not surprised you’re feeling down right now. Its like they keep moving the goal posts isn’t it? I must agree with the other ladies though, I had my right masctectomy and total axillary clearance in March and found I recovered really quickly, both physically and mentally. I stayed in hospital for 5 nights afterwards, as, like Dilys, I didn’t fancy going home with my drains in.

You are well within your rights to be feeling sorry for yourself, I do it regularly! I guess its just par for the course as far as this bl**dy ‘nuisance’ in our lives goes. I hope you are feeling a little brighter now though. I see from your other post that you are a little anxious about your MRI scan which I think is today isn’t it? Anyway, I hope it goes really well as is not at all scary.

Take care and be sure to let us know how you are doing and how the scan went,