Dropped by 'friends'

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21

Some of the best support I have had has come from people I hadn’t heard from or seen in years who found out I had cancer. I moved back to Scotland from London and had to be my dad’s full time carer so I wasn’t really able to meet a lot of new people. After my dad went into care I started a new job in Edinburgh, but none of the other staff spoke to me as they all seemed to have a problem with the fact I had come back up here after 20 years in London. The people who gave me support were all the people I had left behind in London.

I’ve had problems with my sister since this happened to me and I’ve decided recently I’m not going to waste any more time on her as she exists in a bubble of her own making and just feels sorry for herself all the time because she is single (“I don’t have a man to keep me, I have to just get on with things on my own, blah,blah,blah…”). I also have an aunt who thinks I can’t possible have been that ill because I didn’t have a mastectomy - her neighbours daughter did and she assures me this other woman was VERY ill. She lives across the street from me and I didn’t see her once throughout my treatment and she didn’t even lift the phone. She is the only one of my late mother’s family left and my mum would be appalled at how mean spirited she has been were she here today. She has also said some very cheeky things to me since my diagnosis.

Lastly, I would not want to be friends with anyone who told me I was totally pointless. How disgusting and horrible is that? You will make many new friends, since my diagnosis I have friends in Scotland for the first time, all of whom I have met through having cancer.

22

I think it is true that you find out who your real friends are. I have had the most support from people who themselves have either been through similar or lost a family member. From my experience a lot of people are wrapped up in themselves. I was like that once! You think nothing is going to happen to you. When I hear people complaining about a bad back or cold I think if only you knew what a serious illness was really like. Myself I say little about my treatment or condition and then only to those I feel have an understanding. Most people think oh breast cancer, a lump have it removed and you are ok. If only it was that simple. Someone said something similar to me. A so called friend. Oh you will be ok by the end of June to go to a barbecue. You will be better then! Of course! I just need chemo, rads, a years Herceptin etc. Then there was the friend who said come over for lunch. when I rang she was busy and accused me of forgetting she had so! I may be having chemo but I do not think I have lost my mind as well. Then when she was at a lose end rang at the last minute and expected me to drive over in the pouring rain! Some friend.

I guess we have all had similar experiences. But in amongst it I have found most people very understanding. And have made some good new friends. That is what I hold on to.