I know I’m not going to be alone in finding christmas and new year an emotional time…I was dx in jan 04…so I know that after the new year I’ll be due my annual mammogram, and always start worrying about it in advance.
I know also, that like me many of us will be wondering ‘’ will i be here next year ‘’ and what does the new year hold, I also know that some know they probably won’t be here next year, last christmas was my friends last.
Don’t want to sound gloomy, I love christmas…but am just being truthful.
How do others cope with this?
This is my first christmas as I was only diagnosed July. Not really looking forward to it - finished chemo 3 weeks ago, have mastectomy booked for 10th and prob rads after that. I am trying to put on a brave face as I have a 14 year old and will go thro the motions of putting up tree etc but not really looking forward to it. Also normally have mum and dad round, but mums away to go into residential home with dementia so its also goin to be different because of that. Hopefully I will be fit enough to have dad round still. Again dont want to sound gloomy but just cant get up the enthusiasm.
Hi Fiona,
No wonder you can’t find any entusiasm…so sorry to read about your mum’s failing health too.
Remember you will be recovering from major surgery and don’t over exert yourself, I can understand you wanting to put on a brave face, especially for your 14yr old…is there anyone else in the family who could help you?
Well done on completing your chemo by the way.
I don’t know how I’m going to get through christmas this year, I had a bilateral mastectomy on 19th October and then on 11th November I woke up to find my partner of 16 years dead in bed next to me, our 7yr old found him, she tried to wake him to get her some breakfast, he was 45. I’m seriously struggling here, I’ve no family left alive, apart from one brother who I don’t see very often. I’m trying to make things really lovely for my daughter, but I find that I’m getting more depressed the closer christmas gets. I will be spending christmas with Paul’s family but its just not going to be the same, I can’t wait to see the end of this year and I can just pray that next will be better.
Sorry this is such a downer, just needed to tell someone.
Oh Debbie-that makes my problems fade into insignificance. You must be a very strong lady to have survived thus far. I too am finding the whole Christmas issue difficult-we had planned to go to my dads for a usual hectic time (I have 4 sisters-all with kids!!) but may well stay home this year with my partner & 2 kids who are arriving home from Uni this week.
I am thinking of all of us who are going through this- (I have my mastectomy this coming Friday 7th) and am scared witless.
My only advice is to be thankful for the 16 years you shared with your partner and enjoy your lovely daughter. I don’t suppose that helps much-sorry.
Love Gill xx
PS A huge hug for Debbie
Debbie,
How terribly awful for you and your daughter…as gill has said, you must be an incredibly strong lady to have survived this far.
Its not surprising you are getting more depressed as christmas gets nearer.
Do treasure the happy memories you have of your 16yrs with Paul…I really wish I could do more for you, if you ever need to talk I am always here…along with many others.
Please don’t apologise for your post being a downer…this is what this site is all about, being able to talk openly about everything.
Hiya Debbie
You are so brave and you might not think it now but you will cope with christmas. My Dad died christmas 2004 so I was dreading the next one. I found it easier to do different things so that the hole he had left did not seem so obvious. It is amazing how well children cope and I am sure you and your daughter will be such a support to each other.
Take care of yurself
Hilary
Dear Debbie
My heart goes out to you and your family. As you will know if you’ve already lost close ones - it’s the memories that keep us going. Look after yourself and your little one, it’s not easy but children are incredibly resilient, and when all else fails, they’re there to keep you going.
Just wanted to say I am thinking about you - what a horrible time you are having. Never apologise for writing a ‘downer’ as you call it - we are all here to support each other. My condolences to you and your family.
Hi all
just want to say hang in there - I was diagnosed in June and had surgery and recon. Always loved Christmas. My Dad died last October and as I took down my tree last year I thought it was a tough year and glad it was over - little thinking that this year would be a really rough one.
I read your post Debbie and my heart went out to you. I can’t find any words to say just that I hope you can stay strong for your child. I often look at my 11 and 8 year old and worry so much for their future. I feel that if it had not been them I would nto have made it through the last 6 months.
All you folks out here take good care of yourself.
Oh Debbie, I’m so sorry you’ve had such a terrible time and been through so much. I hope you and your daughter manage to find some comfort this Xmas.
Hugs to you both
Caz x
A big love to all of you. It is hard but we can and will do whatever we can. I do believe we are all stronger than we often feel.
Debbie? Where do you live in the uk? Can we offer any help nearby or or try and suggest any groups near to you? This is such a key time of year for your daughter, I can only say that to get up and on your computer and write what you did must have taken a lot of strength. Hang on in there; it will get easier eventually and although you may be starting to feel depressed, you are mourning the loss of Paul. Feeling low is ok. Grief takes a long time. Don’t feel bad about it.
Like karen says, try and treasure the happy memories you all had and perhaps, with your daughter make Paul a gift or do something he would have liked that you two can remember together. Being with his family may be easier than you think. Keep writing, keep in touch; keep going…I’m sorry if I am saying all the wrong things but my heart is really gonig out to you and I hope you can see my sincerity between the lines.
Just the thought of what you are going through makes me weep. For those of us who still have our partners the thought is unimaginable. Our love and thoughts are with you and your family. Try and be strong as you are now, not just for you and your daughter, but for Paul’s memory. I hope you have some good friends who are a comfort, but we are always here.
Just wanted to send my love and hugs to all suffering physical and emotional trauma. Everything seems so much worse at Christmas. My deeply religious father in law loved Christmas and died suddenly 3 years ago on Dec 1st. He loved all the trappings of Christmas, particularly the whole lighting of the Advent candle thing and carols sung by the Kings Choir. I fill up now everytime I hear a carol or light the advent candle.
Hi Debcat,
I wanted to add just a couple of things that I hope will help at this incredibly difficult time, but first thank you for having the courage to share your situation here on the forums. We know that many more people read the forums than post, and your posts will resonate with other people, and help them feel less isolated.
The forums as you know are open 24 hours a day all year round, and so you can be sure that you are not alone. Our community and our facilitation and nursing team are here to support and help you.
I wondered if you had thought about contacting ‘Cruse’, and ‘Winston’s Wish. I have had contact with both these organisations and highly recommend the work they do. Cruse as you may know is a bereavement counseling organisation, and Winston’s Wish is a charity which helps support children who have experienced a death of a close relative.
The web addresses are; www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk