END OF LIFE....cant decide

Hi there
I have posted quite a few times but will tell you my story…
BC + liver mets together in 2002 then leukemia in 2004 ( that is now in remission).
I now have mets to the bones and lungs and having had sooooooo many chemios that I decided to stop all chemio treatment last Oct 2008 as it wasnt working and I was feeling so bad and quite honestly just kept going last year. My markers were at the time 250.
I saw the BC specalist last week and the markers had shot up to 2700 and it seems that the mets are on the move on the bones but not on the liver or the lungs for the moment .
We chatted about what I wanted and what the spec would give me and her answer was from the specialist point of view it was more chemio but she as a person could understand that I didnt want to go there again.
I have quite a bit of pain in the bones but she recons that she can help me with that . I already have zometa but that isnt working enough.
So I still dont want to do the chemio as she cant say that it will work and probably not as I have had so many sorts of chemio with the BC and with the Leukaemia.
I know that I have made the right decision for me… and my husband understands my way of thinking and supports me .
Am I being selfish towards my kids ??? They are 29 and 31 so not little and yes they understand my way of thinking especially as my daughter is a paramedic and sees so may people who stick to chemio come what may .They say they agree with my decision and understand .
BUT there is a good chance that I wont be there for them if they have kids or just be there for them when they need me .

Should I re do the chemio to try and last as long as possible come what may.

Last year I did nothing and this year I have already been to Tunisia and am going to Portugal and Bruges in the next months .
I am alive and kicking and sod the cancer but is it fair???

It so difficult to put it all into words and I need food for thought please
Thanks jANE

My father died of bowel cancer in 1991 when I was 28. He had been dx 5 years earlier, but when it spread to his liver he was told it was terminal. He was given the option of chemo at this point, but was told it might only give him a couple of extra months. He decided he didn’t want chemo, as he didn’t want to feel unwell for his remaining time. Not for one moment did I think he had made the wrong decision, or that he was being selfish. I am sure your children will feel the same.