End of treatment. Holiday. Work

I was diagnosed in July 2019, so a round of appointments for 6 weeks followed by 6 rounds of chemo ending mid December, a mastectomy, lymph node clearance and reconstruction a month later. 15 lots of radiotherapy started beginning of March and finished on 20th followed straight away by shielding for 12 weeks.

I booked a holiday to San Francisco about two weeks before I was diagnosed for my 50th birthday, we were due to leave tomorrow. Is it normal to feel sooooo upset about not being able to go? This holiday was my focal point, something to aim for and now it isn’t happening I just feel very down about it. The plan was finish my radiotherapy, go back to work a month later, a month at work and then San Francisco here we come. It was supposed to be time to reflect and process what had happened in the previous months I just don’t feel like I’ve been able to do that, even though I’ve been stuck in the house for the last 10 weeks. It’s basically gone from finishing treatment, which should’ve been a joyous occasion to not leaving the house and now I have going back to work to worry about.

Its just seems like it’s one thing after another and to top it off, apparently it’s going to rain on my birthday on Wednesday, nice before and nice after just rain on that day. Typical!! But that’s a small issue in the grand scheme of things :neutral_face: :neutral_face:

Hi Murphsmum

Let all your feelings out, rant and rage as much as you need, it’s good for you. You have been through so much and Covid has taken your celebrations away from you. Take care of yourself and if you want to cry just do it. It’s a shame your trip was cancelled, I suppose you were looking at that as the start of a new chapter in your life. Well, hopefully we will be able to travel this country and stay in places again soon, it wont be the same as America, but if you can try and book somewhere over here to have a belated celebration for your 50th birthday and look forward from there. 

Look after yourself and Happy Birthday for Wednesday

Stay safe xx

You can still have a wonderful birthday on Wednesday, morphsmum - you’ll just have to get creative about it. You can set the trip back till it’s safe to travel to the US, making it all the more precious. I’m afraid the pandemic, with the Government expecting us all to do our civic duty even if some of them don’t, has stolen a lot from us all, including our freedom and our expectations. Fortunately not our lives.

I was diagnosed September 2018 and my first chemo was Christmas Eve so we put Christmas on hold. I was still having radiotherapy when my birthday came (June 8th) so we put that on hold. Then treatment finished and I still had side effects so no bell-ringing - that went on hold. Now here I am, 20 months later, still waiting for a point of closure. I’m not holding my breath - I actually wonder if there is a point of closure or whether we just have to get on with things regardless of looming appointments, horrid anniversaries and lingering side effects.

The little things feel like big things and the big things feel like mountains of disappointment, annoyance, anger, fury so I agree, let the emotions out - even if it is over the weather forecast for Wednesday. So now you know the weather, you know who you can share your day with, you have greater freedom, maybe somewhere to actually go (it might just be showers) - it’s time to plan (or make it clear to someone else that they have to plan) that day to make it special in little ways. I hope you have a lovely day x

I’m now off to make sure my husband knows I expect a handmade birthday card. There’ll be no food cos I can’t get a flipping shopping slot! “Something out of the freezer” comes to mind x


hi murphsmum, I too am feeling very resentful about being unable to take a holiday. I was diagnosed at the beginning of September 2019. At the begInning of my treatment, my oncologist said, “the treatment will be difficult and hard at times but when it’s over have a lovely holiday somewhere warm. You can take time to reflect on the bad times and it will give you something to look forward to.”
The thought of the holiday kept me going through the chemo, the weeks in hospital with neutropenia and the fatigue and other horrible side effects. I am finding it very difficult to accept that my treatment is almost over (Herceptin until November) and that I won’t get the “closure” that I hoped a holiday would give me. Like you, I am feeling under pressure to return to work, yet in my head, I just don’t feel ready. I know Covid has messed up everyone’s life, but I seem to have been on lockdown for ever. Is it normal to have feelings like this or am I just feeling sorry for myself?